Heather Mills Plays Real-Life Monopoly

January 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 by Matthew Laidlow
OK, this isn rsquo;t as fresh as when it happened in 2006, but seeing as everyone at hecklerspray was busy rubbing sun cream into their superbly-muscled bodies on a private yacht somewhere hot, we weren t around to report it to you. But now it s 2007 and the news is dragging slightly, we thought you rsquo;d appreciate it anyway.
Divorce is never a good thing for anyone, with people arguing over who gets the expensive HDTV you both bought a few months ago, who gets custody of the dog and who gets the house.

As most people tend not to be mega-rich celebrities, they all come to some kind of court-enforced agreement. But not when you rsquo;re Heather Mills and Paul McCartney, oh no! This is much more complicated.

Heather isn rsquo;t after just one, two or three houses. She wants four of Paul rsquo;s homes. Surely it s not greed?

Heather s taken on the traditional Christmas game of Monopoly literally, and Paul s gonna have nowhere to kip soon.
Four houses? Christ, we rsquo;d be happy if we had four rooms in our gaff.

We wonder if Heather Mills would like to swap lives with us for a day and come home to a dingy flat located above a fish and chip shop. Once she d gotten over the smell of kebab she d soon see the perks, like the cheap leftovers and the lack of all the time.
But are four of Paul McCartney s houses good enough for Heather Mills?

No, of course not - it s also being reported that she wants 50 million and an annual allowance because she feels ldquo;her marriage to Paul destroyed her career. rdquo; What career, that s what we want to know. Until Paul feel madly in love with the , she could have been a fruit and veg seller down the local market for all we knew.

Shit-haired pre-nub glamour modelling aside, the full scale of Heather Mills glittering modelling career didn t surface until her divorce came out. And it wasn rsquo;t the sort of catwalk modelling that you see slap-happy model Naomi Campbell partaking in, either. Instead, it turned out that Heather was indulging in whipping her clothes off and doing all kinds of German-centric rude stuff that we wouldn rsquo;t dare think about, especially not on a full stomach.

Really though, isn t it great to see two celebrities in the public eye putting money before their child? And there was us thinking that family was more important. But apparently not.

Role models? Our arses.