Wesley Summerlin, 21, didn't exactly have a smooth transition when his relationship with a girlfriend ended in 2004. He drowned his pain by writing poetry and hanging out with the wrong crowd.
"It was sort of - in my mind - a desperate attempt to keep her attention," the Florence resident recalled between draws of a cigarette at a local bar.
"It really didn't play out. It wound up being kind of cheesy."
Summerlin is among the throngs of people who've emerged from the emotional distress of a life-changing event such as a breakup, divorce, job loss or public humiliation.
These situations can elicit drastic behaviors with varying degrees of fallout. Actions such as making bold statements, abruptly quitting a job, finding much younger new loves or getting a shocking hair style are not uncommon.
Enter pop princess Britney Spears.
It was a few months ago the world saw a very pregnant Spears with long dark hair gushing over her rapper-wannabe husband, Kevin Federline. Then she dumped him, chopped her hair, dyed it blond and got a few extensions. Let's not forget those revealing pictures of her getting out of a car wearing no underwear.
Last week, she topped her escapades by getting a new tattoo.
Some life-changing events force people to gain control, or at least give the appearance. Whitney Houston recently dumped hubby Bobby Brown and re-entered the spotlight draped in elegant evening gowns, looking nothing like the woman tabloids claimed had a drug addiction.
As in Summerlin's case, the antics of most people are less likely to end up as saturation news coverage. However, any time strong emotions are triggered, there's the possibility of a drastic reaction.
But how far is too far and when do you know you've crossed the line?
"When your friends start expressing deep concern about your physical and emotional health," says Randall Thomas, a Madison psychologist who counsels those who have suffered catastrophic physical injuries such as the loss of a limb.
He says you also should question yourself if you make a decision that puts your financial stability at risk or if you begin jeopardizing your health by abusing drugs or alcohol.
Kip Bowen, a counselor at MEA Cares in Ridgeland, said you may not be handling the change well if you're in the 12th month of not sleeping well or if it's a year later and you're crying just as much as you did in the beginning.
Bowen said experiencing a drastic change can be much like the stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
"Basically the grief is about loss," he said. "It can be divorce.
It can be having a baby - you lose your freedom. It can be getting married - you lose your friends."
The greater the loss, the greater the intensity of the feeling.
You should become concerned if it seems you're lingering too long in one stage, he said. However, Bowen also advises being patient and giving yourself time to adjust.
"Society kind of says you should be over this by now because we have one-hour photo and you can get a meal for five at the McDonald's drive through," he said.
"Society kind of places this expectation that we're supposed to move on quicker than what we need."
Bowen said he more often sees patients withdraw from their usual activities and sometimes drift into depression.
Some take a different approach.
Severe change, Thomas said, sometimes causes people to demonstrate control.
"As a human being, you want to make some drastic statement like some external representation that you have some power over your life, that you're not controlled by the lack of financial opportunity or this job that you have," Thomas said. "The most powerful drive is a sense that you are not who you should be, that there is more you wish to do, that you are caught or trapped in a situation and you can find no way to get out.
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Jackson hair stylist Tony Brown has had a few newly divorced clients plop into his chair.
"At that point they are pretty confused; they're divorced; and they're pretty angry," he said.
Although a little change is good, he steers them away from rash reinventions.
"Somebody loved you the way you were," he tells them, "and I'm sure somebody else will, too."
As for Summerlin, poetry and bad associations were his initial outlets, then he began to drink too much and not eat.
"And one day I looked in the mirror and realized I'd fallen away from life," he said.
He got rid of his bad habits and found a new group of friends.
Two years later and three weeks into a new relationship, he's developing a true emotional connection with someone else.
He's also learned not to look for comfort in unhealthy places when relationships end.
"Now if I had the same situation, I wouldn't fall into the same things," he said. "There are other ways out.
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