Today, to make up for the fact that we re all off riding diamond-studded jetskis across a man-made lake of melted rubies, all the hecklerspray writers have put their heads together and had a long think about the TV shows that we all liked the best from 2006.
Now, there s every chance that this is the nine billionth Best Of list you ve read this week alone, but this is one you should really pay attention to. Why? Because when it comes to bumming around watching hour upon hour of bad television simply because the remote control is slightly out of reach and it s too much effort to get up, hecklerspray is world class.
Posted in , on December 28th, 2006 |
And who s to blame you for coming to hecklerspray for comfort? We re always here for you no matter what, with the fat milky teat of celebrity news for you to suckle upon.
Except for right now. We re taking this week off - and today we re go-karting in Dubai with Uri Gellar - and to make up for our absence we re giving you Spray Picks 06, a daily rundown of shit that we thought was cool this year. Why?
Because we re lazy and our opinion matters.
Posted in , on December 27th, 2006 |
Ah, Boxing Day. Did you know that Boxing Day traditionally got its name from the time your mother - fuelled by self-loathing from all the food she ate 24 hours earlier - punched a bishop to death for looking at her funny?
True story.
But anyway, today isn t just Boxing Day - it s day one of Spray Picks 06. Spray Picks 06 is a four-day-long retrospective of the year gone by, where our esteemed staff of writers choose a whole bunch of stuff that they liked from the worlds of music, cinema, television and a vague other world we sort of invented to make up the numbers.
OK, we ll admit it, Spray Picks 06 was originally going to be called Let s Stick This Up Between Christmas And New Year And Hope Nobody Notices That We re Bunking Off, but thanks to headline character limits, Spray Picks 06 it is.
Anyway, we re starting off today with our CDs of the year, and you can find the enlightening list right after the jump
Posted in , on December 26th, 2006 |
Well then, that s it for hecklerspray regular for 2006. Immediately after writing this we re going to lock ourselves in a small room to mentally steel ourselves ahead of a solid week spent playing endless games of semi-drunk, weirdly competitive games of Monopoly with our family.
But what a year 2006 has been. We ve had tears - ; we ve had laughter - ; and we ve had deep deep confusion - and ? Paul McCartney being accused of ?
But most of all, we ve had a in a genuinely disturbing way. Can 2007 top all that? Bloody right it can.
Although we re not going to be posting our usual amount of pithy news again until January 2, we are going to let you read the various cop-out year-end Best Of lists that we ve slapped together for next week.
Finally, briefly (because we re really not very good at it), a rare moment of sincerity. hecklerspray got about 600% bigger over the course of 2006, and that s mostly down to you.
Actually that s a lie - it s mostly down to us. But it s partly down to you too, and we think you effing well rock because of it. And as a reward, here s a link to .
And cheer up, it IS Christmas.
Now we re not sure if this is brilliant news or awful news - the confusing, squawked, tear-soaked, mangled beyond comprehension version of 9 To 5 that Jessica Simpson sang as a recent tribute to Dolly Parton will never be seen on TV.
You could say it s good news that Jessica Simpson and CBS have jointly decided to remove 9 To 5 from the scheduled Boxing Day broadcast of the Kennedy Centre Honours because - let s face it - three and a half minutes where you don t see Jessica Simpson on TV yowling like a trapped cat is infinitely better than three and a half minutes where you do.
But we can t help also being a little sad at the news, because who in their right mind would actually watch the Kennedy Centre Honours for any other reason than to have a quick chuckle at a bright orange manjawed woman arsing up the lines of a song and tearfully running from the stage without any applause at all?
Posted in , , on December 22nd, 2006 |
Now let s get one thing straight - hecklerspray is a man! And we mean a real man too.
We take our orange juice with little particles of sand in it, we eat our candy when it s still in the wrapper, and sometimes we make sandwiches with only mayonnaise and bread.
That said, our manliness makes it pretty hard to describe ourselves as giddy, when referring to the contents of a news story, but giddy is exactly what we are. Rosie O Donnell and Donald Trump just got into a glorious and insult laden correspondence via various media outlets.
And the things that were said, well, let s just say they re jaw-droppers.
It s particularly heart-warming in this, the season of giving.
Let s get one thing straight - movie stars are idiots.
All of them. Apart from memorising two or three lines of text at a time and then repeating them back with their faces mashed into what they hope is a vague approximation of emotion, what do movie stars actually do?
Nothing.
Because they re idiots. But you read hecklerspray, so that automatically makes you not an idiot. So then, if you were to be in a film, you d be the only non-idiot movie star in the world.
How cool is that? More specifically, how cool is it that we re letting you have a go at being in a proper film. It s all down to Be The Movie Star.
Be The Movie Star is the new website of director Steve Nesbit, and he s going to use Be The Movie Star to find the male and female leads of his new thriller movie. In theory, you re all smart and beautiful enough to do this (except you - you are stupid and ugly). So what are you waiting for?
Upload your audition pieces to Be The Movie Star and wait for the public to vote you as potential movie stars in the waiting. And if you re fortunate enough to win Be The Movie Star, let us know. Because that will technically make us your agents and we ll aggressively pursue our 12%.
Posted in , on December 22nd, 2006 |
Needless to say it s no surprise that Diddy is suddenly the father of twins, because ever since he discovered that the internet gave him the perfect way to blather on endlessly about how brilliant he is that s all he s ever talked about.
Touchingly, Diddy has chosen to name his new twin girls after both his grandmother and the grandmother of his girlfriend, who he says had a giant impact on their lives. Trouble is, their grandmothers respectively appear to be a wild west outlaw cowboy and a giant rubberised Japanese lizard that s hell-bent on destruction.
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