To celebrate Katie Couric's first night on the job at the CBS Evening News, her new bosses of the long-awaited, first photographs of suspiciously unseen celebrity infant Suri Cruise. The internets, of course, were already hard at work reproducing the images, which won't be officially available until Vanity Fair hits the streets tomorrow, posting and of the pictures shown on the Couric broadcast minutes ahead of .
We're sure that high-quality scans of the photos will be widely available tomorrow, but based on the glimpses afforded by CBS, we have to say that we're more than a little disappointed.
After months of preparation for the shoot meant to finally provide indisputable evidence of the child's existence, you'd think that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would have been able to finally settle on a single loaner "Suri" for the spread, instead of Katie stubbornly insisting that her favorite Asian infant rental be photographed along with the more believeable Caucausian one, an unfortunate decision that will surely touch off months of a two-baby conspiracy theory.
Unbelieveable!
You're right-those are two distinctly different children.
And one of them is Asian!
Of course, they attempt to keep up the ruse by obscuring the left side of the child's face, ostensibly to hide surgery scars from the removal of the alien tentacle and/or wine stain discoloration whose removal necessitated hiding the child all these months.
But the fringe on top of this Suri is cut differently in each photo!
For the love of Xenu, Suri they jest!
Is Graydon Carter trying to fool us?
Is he asking us to "read between the (airbrushed) lines"?
Were the photos delivered to Vanity Fair or did he and other independent witnesses verify that this is not a Scientologist version of the Olsen Twins?
Or is this a great joke?
I hope earlobe analysis is already underway.
I think that's how they proved Paul McCartney was replaced by Billy Shears.
Wow. Suri definitely has alien eyes.
And Rosie O'Donnell's old hair.
In the picture on the left, Katie is whispering into SuriBot's ear, "Blink your eye rapidly three times..
. then twice with a slightly longer duration..
. now three times again..
. maybe the photographer can pick up on my distress signal."
Sadly, the Scientologists knew Katie might be put up to something like this, which is why they glued SuriBot's eyelids open, ensuring she would never, ever blink for mommy and give her away to Vanity Fair photographers with escape cars.
Oh, and just so it is not lost in this baby madness, I hope Walter Cronkite is now choking on his endorsement of Katie Couric in the CBS Anchorperson chair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I want the fucking evening news TO BE ABOUT REAL NEWS! Illegal wiretaps, bombs dropping in the Middle East, the 'No Child Left Behind' sham.
(Sorry, I'm still peeved about the "Yes, Suri, She's Our Baby" title.)
well, at least we can now confirm that jake ryan is suri's father.
Jake: I do independent study with her.
I catch her lookin' at me a lot. It's kinda cool, the way she's always lookin' at me.
Jake: I'm being serious, ok.
She looks at me like she's in love with me.
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