Television has the Emmys. Music has the Grammys. Sports has the Dummies.
The envelope, please, for 2006. Want to get away? Receiving an award at NASCAR's end-of-the-year banquet, driver Kyle Busch gave thanks to his girlfriend, Eva.
One problem. Eva is his brother Kurt's wife. Kyle's girlfriend, Erika, who was in the audience, was not amused.
Neither, probably, was brother Kurt. No word from Eva. NBA Commissioner David Stern unveiled a new non-leather basketball.
The players complained that not only was it slippery when they sweated, it cut their hands. Six weeks into the season, the commissioner relented and announced a return to the old ball on Jan. 1.
Bandages on players' hands apparently didn't fit into the dress code. Attempts to market an ESPN cellphone ended after seven months. The ring tone was that annoying "SportsCenter" tune.
da-da-DA! Worse, it was always Chris Berman on the other end of the line. "Rocky Balboa," with 60-year-old Sylvester Stallone in the lead, opened the week before Christmas.
Who says Bobby Bowden is old and out of touch? After his son was forced out as Florida State's offensive coordinator, Bowden blamed it on all the complaining fans who write into EBay. Did you get the license plate number of that raccoon?
Jimmie Johnson drove an entire NASCAR season without suffering so much as a scratch, then broke his wrist at a charity golf tournament. He was horsing around on the top of a golf cart and fell off when it hit a bump. T-Rac wasn't driving.
The one time J.D. Drew decides to hustle .
.. Jeff Kent was tagged out at home trying to score from second base on a ball hit off the right-field wall, which was bad enough for the Dodgers in the second inning of their opening playoff game against the Mets.
It would get worse. Hot on Kent's heels was Drew, who was trying to score from first. Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca barely had to move to also tag him out.
Talk about a rally killer. The Dodgers lost the game, 6-5, and were swept in three games. Denying that her friend and client, Terrell Owens, purposely overdosed on painkillers, publicist Kim Etheredge said during a nationally televised news conference that he makes too much money to attempt suicide.
"Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive," she said. She added that T.O.
is a man of "great statue." You mean, like Abraham Lincoln?
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