Defamer, the L.A. Gossip Rag

Realizing that perhaps the best way to get in with the good graces of the lap-dance-servicing community was not to send out a Blackberried memo that in which she described them as "all whores .

. . xcept for some obviously!

" Lindsay Lohan has committed herself to :

"I love strippers," the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca [Scores] at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club's "Turntable Tuesdays.

" Next, "She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on," said our source. "Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.
"It was hot.

But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."

We were extremely relieved to read that the member of Alcoholics Overexposed hadn't given into the many bubbly temptations from France's Champagne region available to her in Scores' plush V.

I.P. suites, and instead insisted her double-double dancers pour only Perrier down their pneumatic cleavage in what for one night only would be referred to in the celebrity tea totaller's honor as the "Sparkling Water Room.

"
When Anne Hathaway, whose funbag-flashing moment in the back of a car provided Brokeback Mountain audience members a brief respite from the steady onslaught of Heath-on-Jake action, recently attempted to toast the holidays at the Gramercy Park hotel, a doorman failed to recognize the star. (We imagine he has since been chained to a rolling AV cart in the hotel's boiler room with multiple copies of The Princess Diaries and Devil Wears Prada.

) Luckily, the NY Daily News reports, she was :

The "Devil Wears Prada" star was headed with friends to the Gramercy Park Hotel. But while Sean Penn and his party of eight were allowed in right ahead of them, door staff failed to recognize the dressed-down starlet. The velvet rope stayed tightly clamped shut.

Undeterred, her friends (who we can safely say were fans of her role in "Brokeback Mountain") took her instead to Snaxx - a W. 23rd St. bar for burly gay men known as "bears.

"
"No one hassled her, and she had a great time," said a witness. "It was beer night."

Clearly this anonymous witness must have been new to the sleuth, as any bear worth his berries knows every night is beer night.

(For more on bear behavior, watch this . SFW!) Still, we'll take his word that she had a hassle-free great time, and that Hathaway wasn't tackled on her way to the keg line by a formation of bearded linebackers insisting she divulge, "OK.

Who's the bigger diva...

Jake or Meryl?!?

!?"
What do Lady in the Water, Poseidon, The Fountain, and Flushed Away all have in common? We'll give you a hint: .

Rosie O'Donnell goes all on Donald Trump's ass.
Michael Crichton brings all the baby-raping action Scientologists have been going on about to in his new novel.
Lisa Marie claims there was a to cheat her out of a lifetime of Tim Burton's palimony.

Even Cherry Vanilla was in on it!
What was once Joan Crawford's and is now Leeza Gibbons' can be yours for less than $8 mil.
Katie Couric's vacation is called short, all because CBS News feels guilty about .

None of this would have happened if she had just .
The Best Week Ever blog continues their "10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006" with #3, . It reads as a pretty hysterical stroll down this year's yellow-bricked memory lane, including such highlights as #9 ("The 6-foot Long Hoagie That is the Jake/Lance/McConaughey Sandwich"), #7's Ryan Seacrest/Teri Hatcher photo-op smooching session ("'Anus-Mouth' has never made more sense in our eyes,") and this write-up of the one movie sure to represent the Rainbow Rebellion at this year's Oscars, Dreamgirls:
We got a call from a friend on Monday, who gave us this report from a Dreamgirls screening in New York: "The entire audience was gay men and straight women." Indeed, Dreamgirls (our favorite movie of the year -- our being mine, I'll give the guys a break on this one) is the gayest romp since Heath and Jake zipped their sleeping bags into a single love cocoon.

Those outfits! That hair! That weird gay disco dancing scene with the huge red light sabers!

An overweight black diva! We only hope this movie is wearing protection as it thrusts its power ballads up into your musical loving ass.
We're going to savor that last sentence for a while, trying our best to ignore its deeply offensive implications that a movie musical based loosely on the life of Diana Ross could be so gay, it could actually cause audiences to seroconvert.

Scriptland, the LAT's weekly ode to Hollywood's nebbish, toiling underclass of screenwriters and the (progressively-hotter-the-more-successful-they-get) women who love them, turns their attentions to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

A comic riff on the tortured musician biopic genre--of the sort --from longtime friends and collaborators Jake Kasdan and Judd Apatow, Walk Hard stars John C. Reilly in the title role of the troubled, Buddy Holly-era rocker who probably would have been better off not having outlived the Day the Music Died. Kasdan described their process for creating the film's all-important soundtrack composed of "good songs that are funny within the context of the movie," amazingly without ever :

After writing song titles and lyric fragments into the screenplay, Kasdan and Apatow reached out to musicians they admired who could use the script cues for songwriting inspiration.

The brainstorming has resulted in songs like Cox's first huge hit, "Walk Hard"; a tune from his "dangerous period" called "Guilty as Charged" and songs from a protest album he turns out during his socially conscious political phase named "These Are My Issues." [..

.] Though Kasdan showed off his songwriting skills in his first film, "Zero Effect," which included star Bill Pullman performing two songs they had co-written, he and Apatow will not be performing on the "Walk Hard" soundtrack. "We both play really mediocre adolescent Jewish-boy-who-loved-Bob-Dylan, campfire-type guitar," Kasdan jokes.

"We both know the same six chords."

Wednesday night music: Prefuse 73 play at , Photek is at the , and Spaceland offers with Dave Newton from The Mighty Lemon Drops and members of Aberdeen.

Depending on where you land on the Clowns: Delightful Merriment Makers or Nightmares of Pure Evil continuum, you'll either love Slava's Snowshow, or...

not. At .
at Pershing Square features ice skating and a screening of E.

T.: The Extra-Terrestrial starting at 7 p.m.

Sure, you've seen E.T. before, but you've never seen it while careening into another skater!

It's a whole new experience.
While porcupine-becoiffed superproducer Brian Grazer (don't worry--we won't use the headshot) has long been developing a big screen treatment of James Brown's life story with the cooperation of the legend himself, just two days after the singer's death comes a report that Spike Lee has signed on to direct.

And although Grazer wasn't necessarily looking for a Hollywood ending, something about Brown hip-gyrating off this mortal coil on Christmas Day makes for to the life of a Soul Messiah:

"Like everybody, I was surprised and saddened that James Brown died," Daily Variety quoted Grazer as saying. "Having known him well, and after spending lots of time with him and researching his life, it's somehow not surprising that he died on Christmas Day. He was the ultimate showman, all the way to the end.

"

We trust Lee won't take this theme to its ridiculous extremes, and surround his subject's hospital death bed with a variety of manger animals and three wise men--not even Brown's William Morris representatives and lawyer, who might have been lurking in the hospital corridors during his last hours to ensure the final paperwork hurdles to filming his life story were signed. Let the casting debates begin: We only pray the role doesn't land on the go-to guy for African American musical prodigy biopics, Jamie Foxx, and perhaps instead falls on the shoulders of the less obvious choice, who will convey everything we need to know about Brown's passion, pipes, and moves through the use of nothing more than .
We alerted you yesterday to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's charity work in Costa Rica, . But the flawless philanthropists have no monopoly on good deeds, as celebrities from every letter of the rigid Hollywood caste system came out to help those less needy.

A round-up:
Survivor host Jeff Probst and his girlfriend, former Survivor contestant Julie Berry, spent Christmas serving dinner to patrons of the Wayside Soup Kitchen in Portland, Maine. Just for fun, Probst suggested serving meals to four separate lines divided by race, an experiment soup kitchen officials quickly cancelled after a bearded man in the white line started shouting that the two individuals in the far shorter Asian line were receiving unfairly generous turkey portions. [ ]
In further New England celebrity charity news, Adam Sandler sent Stephanie and Kevin Hudon, two teenage siblings from New Hampshire suffering with cancer, a hard-to-find Playstation 3 and swag bag, in the hopes that the blowing away of virtual Nazis with high neuro-artificial-intelligence would temporarily take their minds off their troubles.

[ ]
Joe Rogan's : "You're an ugly, fat faced zero, and I'm a famous multi millionaire."
South Park in just about the grossest way imaginable.
Ryan Seacrest on Teri Hatcher.

The Library of Congress added 25 titles to the National Film Registry, including Fargo, Groundhog Day, and Blazing Saddles, the last of which you can draw up alphabetically, or by typing in "Movies: Bean-Induced Flatulence." [ ]
Eragon is faring much better overseas than it did in North America, while Letters From Iwo Jima has topped the Japanese box office for the third week in a row, proving unless the giant flying monster movie has a "Vs.

" in the title, the Japanese aren't interested. [ ]
Apocalypto has been "stuck in neutral" since its big opening weekend, despite Disney's attempts to re-market it to families with all new subtitles that tell the story of an ancient warrior who needs to get home for Christmas before the evil Santa Mayan Claus can reach into his chest and pull out a beating heart for a lucky little girl or boy. [ ]
Samantha Corbin-Miller has been hired as showrunner on Lifetime's series Army Wives, not to be confused with .

Yes, 2007 TV is definitely going to be Year of the Woman Defined by Her Relationship to a Man. You go, girl! [ ]
Elijah Wood will star in Spanish director Alex de la Iglesia's first English-language film, Oxford Murders, saying "I'm delighted to work with Elijah, who undoubtedly has the most powerful eyes in the industry and who is perfect for the part.

" Sounds like someone has a cruuush. [ ]
With his superannuated former heavyweight champion picture doing , a repurposed Sylvester Stallone is proving to have a legitimate shot at the title of Hollywood's Greatest Oldspiration, currently held by ancient producing mystic Robert Evans.

But theirs is a long simmering rivalry, which, according to Page Six, began when the notorious ladies' man of Polaroid-captured conquests with the actor:

"ROCKY Balboa" star Sylvester Stallone answered a few fan questions on AintItCool.com. But he also cleared up the tiff between him and Robert Evans, which caused him to withdraw from the 1984 Francis Ford Coppola movie "Cotton Club.

" According to Sly, one afternoon Evans "dumped a duffel bag full of X-rated Polaroids" in front of him, and in that pile was "a very X-rated Polaroid" of the girl he was dating. "I thought blood was going to come out my eyes," wrote Stallone, saying the incident "was beyond anything so perverse."

Whatever doesn't kill you in Hollywood, the old saying goes, is likely to cause massive subconjunctival hemorrhaging, and so we salute Stallone for managing to overcome his body's natural impulse to turn its optical orbits into two gushing hemoglobin fountains the instant they registered the image of his then-girlfriend twisted into a nearly impossible Kama Sutric pose beneath an expanse of rich, Corinthian naked Evans flesh.

The the circumstances surrounding Arnold Schwarzenegger's recent skiing accident in Idaho and subsequent leg surgery (see accompanying cyborg specs). It's a trip no one seemed to know about, like most of his frequent journeys out of state--1 of every 5.6 days in office, they report--terminating in an accident about which the Governor's people are being extremely reticent.

It seems our operative in Idaho , however, as their investigation indicates Schwarzenegger was careening down the hill at when the femur snapping occurred:

A friend who spoke to Schwarzenegger after the accident said the governor was "aggravated" about what happened, describing the accident as a "slow fall" on an icy surface. Schwarzenegger's press office would not release any details about the accident. But Adi Erber, a ski instructor who was with him at the time, said Schwarzenegger was standing still before the accident, preparing for the final 200 yards of the Lower Warm Springs run.

If you can do your best to ignore TMZ's 101 Thinly Veiled Homophobic Adjectives (yes, we get it--he's gay), there are just so many things both simultaneously right and wrong with this , we simply had to share.
Shmuel Tennenhaus, everyone's favorite tribe member and YouTube talking head activist, is calling for an .

You know what, Shmuel? We're with you! Unless it happens to be on and we're home and bored.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's 1-year-old daughter, Violet, . At the behest of the parents, it took place in a custom made, giant Starbucks to go cup.
James Brown will be from 1 p.

m. to 8 p.m.

Thursday for fans to pay their last respects. We're going to go out on a limb and rechristen the day after that James Brown Laid Out on the Apollo Stage YouTube Nirvana.
The script might read but when it's Matt Damon in the role, you know that quiet is going to be a dreamy, thinking man's quiet.

Are we happy there's a ? Why, yes. Yes we are.

Good news, concerned voters and fans of Jingle All The Way alike!

It looks as if Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will recover fully from his recent leg-shattering skiing accident, as his surgery was a . But while ABCNews.com postulates that his broken femur was "likely a result of high speeds rather than weak bones," a Defamer operative nearer to the carnage tells us the word on the Sun Valley street is that Arnold wasn't exactly engaged in a wintry version of alpine Predator when the mishap occurred:

Greetings from that LA's crystallized Christmas satellite, Sun Valley, Idaho.

Thought I might pass along some info regarding Arnold's recent 'ski accident.' The press seems to be reporting that Arnold broke his femur while skiing. Apparently the truth of the matter--and the talk amongst the locals--is that Arnie did not break his femur--nor was he skiing.

He was actually standing on the mountain in his skis when he simply...

fell over.

As always, we'd encourage anyone with further information, or--dare we dream?--an eyewitness account, to send along whatever they happen to know.

We'd imagine the Governor has much invested in perpetuating the "high speed" story, but if a more accurate version of events should emerge--say, involving the First Lady handing him a cup of cocoa, to which he responded, "Maria! It's boiling! Are you trying to kill me!

Hold my poles while I blow on it!" after which came a bone-crunching thud--then the California taxpayers deserve to know.
Regular Defamer readers are by now familiar with a certain indie drama whose progress we have been closely following, set to . What we've been referring to as the Untitled Dakota Fanning Rape Project--both for its preternaturally gifted and precocious star (Dakota Fanning), and the shocking yet Oscar-worthy act of violence at its center (her rape)--finally appears to have settled on a title: Hounddog.

In an exclusive interview with Premiere magazine (it doesn't appear to be online yet, but an OhNoTheyDidn't reader was ), director Deborah Kampmeier talks about her struggles since the details about her script were released to the press: Among other adjustments, she's had to hire someone just to "screen her hate mail"--a job most Hollywood agents traditionally refer to as "an assistant." She also opens up about the :

"Exactly how I was going to film the rape scene was articulated quite specifically in the script, and her mother, her agent, and her teacher/child welfare worker were all present for the filming of the scene, which was carried out exactly as we discussed it. There was so much I had to hide [during filming].

I had to hid the fact that this girl is not naked. I had to hide the fact that there is not a boy on top of this girl having sex.

UPDATE: The movie may still be untitled.

More after the jump.
Sure, we brought you the up-to-the-minute, fully adequite Lindsay Lohan manifestos and Britney Spears cooch-flashing updates, but sometimes it takes a little perspective--like Al Gore showing an auditorium of Chinese meteorology students a slide of spaceship Earth--for us to really appreciate just how far we've come, and how precious our Hollywood ecosystem is. Therefore, in an attempt at making some sense of it all, we present Defamer's Year In Review:
Viacom and CBS , and the golden era of Paramount lot is born.
Remember when Lindsay Lohan still had an to play?

The Golden Globes tell us about where Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe are headed.
and face the music.
The Colin Farrell sex tape still crack us up.