November 21st, 2006 at 10:30 by Stuart Heritage
And, to everyone s endless gratitude, the X Factor production staff went for Number Ones - a theme which meant that the remaining X Factor contestants could sing Shaddap You Face, Star Trekkin and Let s Party by Jive Bunny The Mastermixers but not I Want You Back, God Only Knows or Out Of Your Mind by True Steppers and Dane Bowers (featuring Victoria Beckham). What a tragic injustice - let s hope that next week s X Factor goes some way to restoring the balance with its Songs About Things That Are Generally Quite Nice theme.
Anyway, who s going to win X Factor this year?
These two? Here are the X Factor betting odds for Eton Road and Ben Mills
Eton Road - Last week we wondered whether Eton Road were being genuinely inept or if they were pulling off one of the most nuanced pieces of subversive performance art in history. And thanks to their performance on Saturday s X Factor, we finally realised - it wasn t a stunt, Eton Road really are that fucking dreadful.
Despite having their campness turned up to a million by Louis Walsh, their X Factor version of I Don t Feel Like Dancing was a genuine car crash of a spectacle. Every single member of Eton Road sang the song in a different key while waving their arms about like they were trying to notify a distant old lady that she was about to be mowed down by a speeding juggernaut. Worst of all - as usual - was the Botoxy Eunuch, who doesn t seem to realise that he turns Eton Road into a laughing stock each time he screeches and squeals like a schoolgirl on helium running through a corridor full of spiderwebs.
It was awful and, by ending up in the X Factor sing-off, the entire country seemed to agree with us. Still, though, the handful of fans that Eton Road have left won t have long until the release of their first album, Eton Road Do A Bunch Of Mental High-Pitched Whale Noises Over Some Songs You Thought You Once Liked. Current X Factor betting odds - 7/1
Ben Mills - All this week there d been a lot of talk about Ben Mills having such a sore throat that he d be hardly able to talk on Saturday s X Factor, let alone sing.
Not that we we re able to tell by his X Factor performance of With A Little Help From My Friends, though - Ben roared his way through it in the same preposterously overblown way as usual, almost as if it should have been performed in the Grand Canyon in a tornado to a herd of solemnly overawed coyotes. As if you needed telling, Ben sang the Joe Cocker version of With A Little Help From My Friends while hammering away on a piano, which was a shame because we were rather hoping we d see him tackle the dump-a-dump-a-dump Ringo Starr version while dressed up in a gay satin band leader s outfit. It d be interesting to see Ben Mills do something other than scream every song he s given like the world s angriest PE teacher, but we get the feeling that s something we ll never get to witness.
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