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Salt Lake TribuneArticle Last Updated:12/07/2006 06:46:49 PM MSTEvery year I descend to my underground bunker with nothing more than a stereo, a coffee maker and a collection of the latest holiday music in an effort to separate the worthy stocking stuffers from the aural lumps of coal. There's nothing quite like listening to hours upon hours of Christmas and Hanukkah tunes to differentiate between the good and the bad and to drive a sane man mad.

Just remember: I listen to a couple dozen holiday albums so you don't have to. Here's the breakdown on this year's crop, currently available for you to buy or avoid. There isn't one clear-cut "best" set from this year's contenders, but there are plenty of new holiday releases I have no problem recommending.

Nothing brought as much pleasure to my day in the bunker as "Redneck Christmas," a compilation of countrified Christmas cuts that stands out because it's full of original songs rather than oft-repeated classics. And the fact that songs like "Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy," "A New Baby for Christmas" and "Santa's Big Parade" are delivered by legends like Buck Owens, George Jones and the Louvin Brothers makes it all the more worthwhile. The only downside is that I had to hear Elmo Patsy's "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" for the 8,656th time to get to the Dwight Yoakam track.

Just as fun is the pairing of rambunctious klezmer band The Klezmatics and American folk icon Woody Guthrie on "Woody Guthrie's Happy Joyous Hanukkah." Guthrie, author of "This Land Is Your Land," wrote a batch of Jewish lyrics in a collaboration with his mother-in-law, Aliza Greenblatt, a Yiddish poet. In The Klezmatics' hands, Guthrie's words come to life in some wondrous ways.

For a cross-sectional approach, there is also The Klezmonauts' "Oy to the World! A Klezmer Christmas," featuring a klezmer band doing traditional holiday tunes. Lounge singer Richard Cheese is a blast to listen to on "Silent Nightclub," a collection with the smarmiest set of holiday-related covers you'll ever find.

Just when you think his opening one-two punch of the Dead Kennedys' "Holiday in Cambodia" and Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is the best thing EVER, Cheese comes up with a cover of The Barking Dogs' version of "Jingle Bells." You haven't heard Christmas music until you've heard a grown man singing, "Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof.

Woof woof woof woof woof." For straight-up great music, you'll want to seek out the Putumayo world-music label's "New Orleans Christmas," a steamy brew of soul, gospel, blues and jazz that offers ample evidence that the Crescent City is the heart that pumps the lifeblood of American music. Nearly as sweet is "Classic Soul Ballads Christmas," featuring some stunning holiday fare thanks to folks like Luther Vandross, Aretha Franklin, Isaac Hayes, Smokey Robinson, Donny Hathaway and Otis Redding.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are holiday albums that you must avoid at all costs. The holiday season is already the time of year when the most suicides are attempted. Don't push anyone over the edge by playing one of these albums.

Take, for example, Twisted Sister's "A Twisted Christmas." Seriously, take it as far away as possible. This is reportedly the glam-metal band's last album, and the retirement is coming one album too late.

I will give Dee Snider and Co. credit, though, for providing the first version of "White Christmas" that ever had me banging my head. Just a little.

Far worse is "Kids Rap Radio Holiday." For the uninitiated, Kids Rap Radio is a group led by Beyonce's papa that takes hit rap songs and has them redone by kids, for kids, with "kid-friendly" lyrics when appropriate. Kind of like Pat Boone covering Little Richard songs back in the day.

The sound of children rapping is disconcerting enough. But when they desecrate the one hip-hop/holiday classic, Run-D.M.

C.'s "Christmas in Hollis," they've gone too far. Christian-pop sister duo Aly AJ, stars of Disney Channel movie "Cow Belles," wrote two atrocious original songs for their "Acoustic Hearts of Winter" set.

Their treacly treatment of the 10 classics they stuff in between is so painful to hear, those two songs sound a little better by comparison. Jim Cosgrove is a Midwestern children's act, and his "Mr. Stinky Feet's Christmas" might go over with the tykes, but all I could think was, "Why do all children's acts sound like Jim Croce?

" And Christian-rock superstars Third Day weigh in with their worship-heavy retro-grunge on "Christmas Offerings." You might like this if the idea of a Nickelback Christmas album sounds like a good one. I'll stick with Hank Hill, who once said "Christian rock isn't good for Christians or for rock.

" Let's just say the same goes for Christian-rock Christmas music - it's not good for Christian rock or Christmas. There are a few holiday efforts each year that could go either way. Usually they come from reliable artists, but only a few actually take the time to do something cool.

Others totally mail in their performances like the contract-fulfillers they often are. This year's pleasant surprises include Rhonda Vincent's "Beautiful Star - A Christmas Collection," with the seven-time International Bluegrass Music Association Female Vocalist of the Year lending her pipes and serious string chops to, naturally, some traditional holiday hoedowns, plus one original. Brad Paisley brings some twang to the party as well on "Brad Paisley Christmas," featuring four original Paisley compositions as well as raucous takes on "Jingle Bells" and Buck Owens' "Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy.

" A little further outside the mainstream you'll find Aimee Mann's "One More Drifter in the Snow," a surprisingly winning set with an excellent take on "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," courtesy of Mann and guest Grant-Lee Phillips. And somewhere outside the solar system where most of us exist, you can find Bootsy Collins' "Christmas Is 4 Ever.

" Not only does the funkmaster's set include Snoop Dogg rapping, furious funk, filthy horns and between-song banter from real-life pimps like Don Magic Juan wishing the listener a "Merry Christmas"; Bootsy also has Charlie "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" Daniels ripping some fiddle on this bad mutha. It is with some hesitation that I also have to recommend Rachael Ray's "How Cool Is That Christmas." Thankfully, the TV cook limits her contribution to a couple of recipes printed on the cover.

If Ray actually sang, I have a feeling she'd be in the "Bah, humbug!" pile. Instead, it's a straightforward Christmas compilation with some real classics, including Elvis, Billie Holiday, and the Bing/Bowie duet "The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth.

" And Sinatra, Aretha and Willie holding down the CD's second half. Most holiday releases fall into the category of the "safe and sound," full of traditional renditions of traditional songs. Sometimes that can be a good thing, as on this year's "Simply Christmas: Home for the Holidays," a compilation of classical holiday tunes.