8:00 - get the milk and cookies ready, it's gonna be a long night.
8:08 - Nicole Kidman is so skinny, it's almost frightening. if I was her, I'd wear hoop skirts.
8:29 - Johnny Depp is now officially the sweetest thing ever. when he met the girl from Whale Rider, he kept telling her how she did such a great job in her movie. that was cute, how she just smiled and didn't say much.
still, this is Johnny Depp. if it was me, I'd either be doing exactly that or saying too much. or attempting to take him roughly against a wall.
he is looking like quite the sexy fuck tonight. the Secret Window chin-length blonde hair has been given the chop chop, but he pulls it off quite well, as can be expected.
8:37 - okay, the image of Billy Crystal as Legolas could be the most frightening thing I've ever seen.
8:44 - Billy Crystal has now redeemed himself by singing that song about Lord of the Rings.
8:56 - Ian McKellen is God.
9:02 - ALL THE HOBBITS ARE THERE!
!! they're sitting in a row!
! I never realized that until now, after they gave the best picture nomination and panned over the LotR cast.
9:07 - first RotK win of the evening: best set design.
oddly, Alan Lee reminds me of Melanie's dad. Mari, is this just me?
also, I don't know who this other guy onstage is, but he just said "to my wife - what I wrote in a note in 8th grade, I can now say in front of a billion people: I love you.
" all together - AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
!
9:18 - RotK also won best costume design. that's 2 awards won for the 2 nominations so far.
9:22 - Renee Zellweger is a good actress and a pretty woman and a surprisingly good singer, but I really wish she'd stop squinting like that. she's talking so fast - obviously nervous. SLOW DOWN.
deep breaths, woman.
9:32 - Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson need to shut the hell up and stop attempting to be funny. these guys are in the comedy business - don't they know that trying too hard will only guarantee failure?
9:35 - note to Oscar people - stop cutting people off with that music. if it was me up there, I'd yell into the mic "KNOCK OFF THAT MUSIC, BITCHES!!
! this is MY MOMENT!!
"
9:38 - some unknown guy onstage with a sexy Australian accent just said "and thanks to my beautiful boyfriend, Dan." aww. I heart the gay love.
33
9:40 - Sting has a sexy voice while he's talking, but when singing, it's not all that impressive.
9:42 - Liv Tyler, even wearing emo glasses, is so incredibly beautiful that I can't help wishing I was her. she got to make out with Viggo Mortenson as well - another plus.
9:46 - WOOHOO!!!
Annie Lennox is performing Into the West!! amazing voice, that woman has.
my dad loves her, so I grew up on her music - I've got this videotape somewhere of me, like 5 or 6 years old, singing Sweet Dreams, way before Marilyn Manson so fabulously covered it.
9:56 - OMFG!!
!!11!
!one! Billy Crystal just did an Izzard line!
! he pointed the "psychic" screen at Sean Connery and said "pusshy galore"!!
9:57 - Jada Pinkett-Smith is so much shorter than Will Smith, it gives me hope that I might have a chance with the insanely tall guy that I like.
9:59 - RotK just won best visual effects!!
YEAH!! 3 out of 3 so far.
10:01 - that's a really pretty dress Jennifer Garner's wearing. too bad she has NO reason to be at the Oscars at all. seriously.
NONE WHATSOEVER.
10:05 - Jim Carrey is cool. his older stuff is so much better than his newer stuff, but he's great at writing/saying his own stuff.
10:16 - Bill Murray is great. it's pretty obvious that, much as I want him to, Johnny Depp's chances of winning best actor are slim. but if he doesn't, I'm totally rooting for Murray.
I haven't seen Lost in Translation, but he'd give a really funny acceptance speech, and I'm a firm believer that they should give the acting Oscars to whoever will give the best speech upon winning.
10:19 - RotK just won best makeup. 4 out of 4.
10:22 - it makes me very happy that, in showing one of the Pirates nominations, they played the part where Jack yells "stop blowin' holes in my ship!!" awesome line.
awesome role. *fucks Johnny Depp. with or without his willingness*
10:24 - best sound for RotK.
5 out of 5 now. it's like the Oscars are afraid to not give LotR any award it's up for, in case the rabid fangeeks lose it and bomb the Academy.
10:28 - Julia Roberts is so pretty.
I remember wanting to be her when she played Tinkerbell in Hook.
10:39 - they just showed the nomination clip from Mystic River. WHOA.
Sean Penn is very very good at shrieking in a scary, tortured, all-the-angst-of-a-thousand-years kind of way. I haven't seen this movie, and after that little clip, I'm not sure I want to. Sean Penn is such a good actor that a movie like that could scar me for life.
10:44 - some people just won awards for best short documentary and best long documentary. I have seen none of them, and none of the other nominees either.
10:46 - oh, sure.
last year, Michael Moore makes an anti-war speech and gets booed offstage. this year, the new best documentary winner makes one and gets applauded tearfully by everyone, even the host. cause by this point, even the actors of Hollywood, who generally aren't known for their intelligence, have realized that George W.
Bush really isn't the noble fucking hero that some people think he is. even most Texans have realized it by now. Michael Moore should get a medal.
he knew it before they did.
10:57 - HAHA!!
I'm not the only one who thinks that Sting and Phil Collins remind me of each other. I can't be. otherwise, why would they put the two together to read the nominees?
seriously. I almost can't tell them apart, voice-wise.
10:58 - best original score for Rotk.
6 awards out of 6 thus far. go Howard Shore!!
11:01 - best editing for RotK. 7 out of 7. it's becoming predictable.
you could get a good drinking game out of this year's Oscars - every time RotK wins something, have a shot. 2 shots if the winners look surprised. 3 shots if the losers look surprised.
11:05 - Eugene Levy, before performing the best song nominated song from a Mighty Wind, talked like Ozzy Osbourne. I haven't seen A Mighty Wind, but I might do so if he does that through the whole movie. if he doesn't, too bad.
also, whatever Catherine O'hara does, she'll always be the mom from the Home Alone movies to me.
11:14 - JACK BLACK IS THERE!!
! omfgiwanttomarryhim. Will Farrell is cool too, but.
..JackBlackomghusband.
11:18 - Into the West won best song!! 8 out of 8 awards on the RotK-count.
11:22 - the Barbarian Invasions, a Canadian movie, won best foreign film. BOO-FUCKING-YEAH!!
11:24 - Jude Law might have a receding hairline, but he's hot. his accent, also, is incredibly sexy.
11:30 - RotK won AGAIN!
!! this one, though, was not a given - best adapted screenplay.
they lost out on this one for Fellowship. fuuuck yeah. 9 out of 9.
11:35 - Sofia Coppola winning best original screenplay was probably the least shocking thing I've ever seen in my life. it got the loudest cheers yet. apparently, this is a pretty good movie.
perhaps I should go see it. but in all honestly, all this whole Sofia-Coppola-hype has really done is just give me the urge to go watch The Godfather.
11:42 - best director time.
this is huge.
11:43 - YAAAAAAY FOR PETER JACKSON!!
! sosososoSOhappy. 10 out of 10 for RotK.
this. is. AMAZING.
11:46 - ya know, if Keisha Castle-Hughes wins the best actress Oscar at the age of 13, she's gonna have one weird adolescence.
11:49 - but, as can be expected, Charlize Theron won. she's a lovely-looking woman and that movie she won for seems good.
also, she gets to go home with Stuart Townsend, that lucky gorgeous girl.
11:57 - they're about to give out best actors. I'm almost scared.
this isn't as important to me as RotK, but Johnny is still my earliest and longest-running crush and does deserve a tribute to over 45 movies, in none of which he wasn't at the very least completely riveting.
12:01 - Sean Penn got it. I really was expecting Bill Murray.
but I won't be bitter, because he really is a very gifted actor.
12:04 - best picture. I'm scared.
this is THE moment. I know awards are really very petty little mementos, but fuck it. years of work and billions of extras and an insane amount of moments that made me cry - I REALLY want RotK to get it.
12:05 - FUUUUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
!!!
! LORD OF THE RINGS OWNS ALL YOU BITCHES!!
!!!
! THE FINAL COUNT - 11 AWARDS OUT OF 11 NOMINATIONS!!
! BOW TO TOLKIEN AND JACKSON AND NEW LINE AND FUCKIN' HELL, I'M SO HAPPY!!
!!!
!!!
!
goodnight, all!!