"In my mind, I'm still a cutting-edge
producer with more than one half-ass trick
up my sleeve." - Pharrell Williams.
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POPBITCH _ _ _
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|_| |_| 05.
10.05 ISSUE 274
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go to http://www.popbitch.
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Sad to hear about the death of comedy legend
Ronnie Barker, but we're delighted to reveal
another British comedy great is keeping his
end up. Eric Sykes, aged 83, regularly meets
up in a central London apartment for sex sessions
with an "attractive middle-aged woman."
(FYI: Celebrity Death Stakes tips: Liz Taylor to edge
past George Best and Shane McGowan.
)
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Wedding bells for Hugh Grant and Jemima Goldsmith?
They've been spotted going to Relate (the marriage
guidance counsellors) in London.
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"I have been instructed by my good friend
and showbiz chum Abi Titmuss to find her a
flat-screen television, and she's a persistent
sort.
So I'm mailing to see if anyone can provide
- in exchange, they will naturally get a plug
in Abi's column, which as you know is about
dating - the TV will be described as
'fantastically impressive for a chick once you
get her back to your pad' or something like
that. And believe me when I say that the Nuts
readership hang on Abi's every word."
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Donatella made a great post-rehab return at Milan
Fashion Week, sporting a crazy new yellow weave job.
Let's hope Carmen Cass isn't the next model casualty.
She fainted backstage at Prada.
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Feili is a 13 year old chimp in Zhenzou zoo,
China.
Her partner is 41 years old, a
pensioner in chimp-years, and no longer able to
satisfy her sexually. Zoo keepers say Feili has
become so frustrated that she has started smoking.
Feili sits around looking grumpy, trying to cadge
fags from visitors.
And she spits a lot.
(FYI: We recently brought you the story of Ai Ai,
who started chain-smoking after her mate died.
Well, she's kicked the habit.
Zoo keepers put her
on a strict regime that included good food and
exercise. "I also put earphones on her so that she
could enjoy some pop music from my Walkman"
says her keeper.)
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Cabin crew on Jordan and Peter Andre's honeymoon
flight say Peter is "SO gay" but so nice, and he
played with Harvey for the whole seven hour flight.
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This is one expose you won't see on the
front of the tabloids any time soon. A
famous London strip club has a special
room upstairs where the girls perform
favours on newspaper chiefs, to stop
any chance of exposure for the club
or owner's sex and drug proclivities.
Which former reality show TV star had
a secret abortion last month?
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More on Kenny Chesney's quarterback friend Peyton
Manning - he takes his Mum's biscuits to football
practice to "share out". Bless.
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Poor Victoria Beckham.
It's finally hit the
press that little Romeo has epilepsy. Another
thing Fleet Street's female columnists will
no doubt blame her for (although Victoria
might blame the paparazzi - flashbulbs
can cause Hypo Psycho Pulse Illuminance
Disorder, which can cause epileptic fits).
But there's a much bigger mystery brewing
at Beckingham Palace.
Elton John bought
Skeletor four Yorkshire Terriers for her
birthday...
but nobody has yet seen them in
public. Even Elton is puzzled.
Have you seen a dog like this?
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/yorkshireterrier.
htm
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Duncan from Blue in Hank's Acoustic Guitar shop on
Denmark St last week trying a guitar. An observer
says he "made Jason Orange look like Hank Marvin".
-----------------------------------------------------
"So who were those faggots?
"
Muhammed Ali, on meeting the Beatles
and posing for photos with them in the
early 1960s.
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A deranged man who stabbed a baby in her pram last
month in New York told cops: "I had to kill
something. I'll never do it again but at the time,
I had to do that to feel better.
"
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An old joke gathers no Moss
When Kate met Clarkson...
probably
Kate Moss goes to a party where she runs
into Jeremy Clarkson...
Kate: "What do you do?"
Jeremy: "I do Top Gear"
Kate: "Great! I'll have four grams!
"
FYI: Not seen the "Kate Moss snorts coke" video?
http://thebosh.com/archives/2005/10/morning_tea_kat.
php
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Van Halen are doing an INXS and looking for a new
singer via a TV reality show. (Note to Sammy Hagar
and Dave Lee Roth - please apply!)
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The World of Walliams
Our weekly look into Dave's bedroom
kc writes:
"The David Walliams/Pet Shop Boys thing is
nothing.
When he was going out with a blonde,
former Coronation Street star several years
ago, he would only shag her whilst watching
gay porn videos."
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Spain's biggest ever football pools payout, nine
million euros, was won this weekend by..
. a group
of 100 top Spanish footballers.
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Only a couple of years back Ms Dynamite was
the darling of the music industry, picking
up a Mercury Music prize and even lecturing
the government on just about anything.
How
quickly things change. Her big comeback single
barely grazed the top forty. And Radio 1 set
up a special gig this week, for which you had
to text them to be in the exclusive audience.
The competition ran on Trevor Nelson's show last
week. The number of people who entered?
Er.
.. three.
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The Head of the vice squad in Avon and Somerset
until recently was called...
Ann Summers.
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1. Can anyone see lipo scars on Britney?
2. We want to see the blackmarket Britney
- Kevin sex video. A copy viewed by the
couple's lawyers is said to have "elicited
laughter and disgust".
3. What's happened to Conservative outrage
in USA? In the first quarter of the year, there
were 157,016 indecency and obscenity complaints
to the FCC.
But from April - June, only 6,161.
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed into
law a bill which triples damages celebrities
can win from paparazzi.
By coincidence Arnie
has never forgiven paparazzi for an incident
in 1998 when he and his family were surrounded
by photographers.
5. Does Kate Moss have a double?
If she's in
Meadows rehab centre in the US, why have we
had sightings of her in a Park Lane hotel?
6. Nic Cage has named his child Kal-el after
Superman, but also named himself after a
superhero, Power Man aka Luke Cage.
His
real surname is Coppola.
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Oscar favourites so far. Best Actor - Phillip Seymour
Hoffman as Truman Capote in Capote.
Actress - Reese
Witherspoon as June Carter Cash in Walk The Line.
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Things that make you go hmmm
Teletubbies cocaine, Barlow, Barker
On the day of their Dundee gig, Babyshambles
stopped for breakfast, Pete Doherty
approached a local fan, asked if he knew
where to buy "stuff", then borrowed a tenner
off him in return for which, Pete claimed,
he'd put him on the guest list for the gig.
Unsurprisingly, the boy turned up and found he
wasn't on the list.
One week later, Doherty
is arrested. Karma?
Want to see Mariella Frostrup's flat?
http://tinyurl.com/ch4dx
End Bit
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Old Two Ronnies Jokes Home:
Kings Cross Station Announcer: "Would the gentleman
who has lost a case of whisky please come to the
lost property office, where the gentleman who found
it has been handed in.
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