"The Jesus tattoo on my hand keeps me
from masturbating." - Head, from Korn
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .
__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 23.03.
05 ISSUE 249
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
>> Rolling stoner gathers Moss <<
Pete Doherty set to marry Kate?
It's an unlikely 21st Century love story -
the world's most famous, but fading,
supermodel and a crackhead Jim Morrison
wannabe. But if Popbitch was a gambling
webzine, we'd lay money on a Kate Moss/
Pete Doherty wedding sooner rather than
later. Kate and Pete have racked up in
the wilds of Wales this week and she's been
overheard telling people that she is
madly in love and wants his baby.
-----------------------------------------------------
Colleen "Rooney" McCloughlin did her cover shoot
for Vogue last week. She was described as
"sweet but very scouse".
-----------------------------------------------------
When staying at the Dorchester recently, staff
saw Ozzy Osborne sneaking down from his room
and heading towards the bar.
Sharon had taken
the precaution of getting the minibar removed,
and barred room service, but even Ozzy could
follow the clink of glasses and wandered towards
the lounge bar...
until one of the waiters
whispered to him, "Psst there's Sharon".
Ozzie sprinted back to the lift faster
than Kelly Holmes.
-----------------------------------------------------
Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon is the latest actor
to be linked with the James Bond role.
-----------------------------------------------------
Monkeys at a village zoo in Omsk, Russia, are
on hunger strike after their keepers failed to
satisfy their addiction to onions. The little
beasts are sitting in their monkey house,
sulking, and refusing to eat the delicious
bananas, kiwis and papayas prepared for them.
Three Hamadryad monkeys are the Arthur
Scargill-style hardline strike leaders.
The
other monkeys, afraid to be singled out as scabs,
follow their lead. Zoo keepers started giving
onions to the monkeys in the middle of winter
to try to stop them coming down with colds
and flu, and the Hamadryads got hooked.
(Q: What's the difference between Arthur
Scargill and Michael Jackson?
A: Scargill hasn't seen a miner's helmet for
twenty years.)
-----------------------------------------------------
Gruesome Twosome: Ewan McGregor and Billie Piper.
-----------------------------------------------------
New girl group The Faders, aka "the female Busted"
get their first single in the charts this week
On a recent shoot, the stylist was told that
bassist Toy couldn't show her arms because
of "eczema".
But on closer inspection it seemed
more likely that she had been "playing" with
razor blades.
Richie Edwards..
. eat your heart out.
-----------------------------------------------------
A 36 year-old Belgian man is on trial for having sex
with dogs.
He says he did it "out of love for animals",
as many dogs can't have sex, like those in dog homes.
-----------------------------------------------------
Which young Sinatra-style crooner is said by
staff at his record label to be their biggest
diva, demanding coke and hookers everywhere
he goes around the world?
-----------------------------------------------------
Gary Barlow had roast chicken for lunch on Sunday.
-----------------------------------------------------
This month, Larry Tee - Godfather of the New
York Electro scene, and man behind Rupaul's
Supermodel, selects some of his favourite
records. So if you don't have them, get
them for the future.
-----------------------------------------------------
Mercury Records are putting together a country
flavoured boy band "Busted meets Leann Rimes".
The look is "hillbilly goes 80s", apparently.
-----------------------------------------------------
Monaco's Prince Rainier is said to be on his
death bed. Rainier once declared "gossip was
invented in Monaco", so to honour his imminent
passing, here's some of the best stories about
the Grimaldi family.
1. Rainier liked to eat pizza and watch TV
in his underwear.
2.
Princess Grace was obsessed with astrology and
used her astrological name "High Scorpia" on
her invitations.
3. The family live in a 253 room "Pink Palace".
4. Karl Lagerfeld once described Princess
Stephanie as "a sporty version of Madonna."
5.
Prince Rainier is the ringmaster at Monaco's
annual circus festival. Stephanie's ex-husband
Adans Lopez Perez is an expert in handstands and
juggling, and works in the same circus as her
ex, elephant trainer, Franco Knie.
6.
Back in the 80s Stephanie dated Rob Lowe and
Jean Claude Van Damme, and had a pop career.
7. Princess Caroline's husband, Ernst of Hanover,
was in trouble in 2003 for giving the Nazi salute
to an airport worker; in 2000 for drunkenly
beating up a neighbour in Kenya and for urinating
on the Turkish pavilion in Hanover's expo; in
1999 for kicking a woman up the arse in Austria
when she asked for a photograph; and in 1998 for
breaking a photographer's nose.
-----------------------------------------------------
Badgers mate mainly in February, although can, and
many do, have sex throughout the year.
-----------------------------------------------------
P Diddy:
"Women are more different than anything, any
creature, (any) beautiful animal in the world.
They're just the most complex, different.
I
don't think no human being has been able to just
figure out the woman. As complicated as I'm
explaining it to you, that's how it is."
(FYI: Diddy has started filming Making The Band 3,
where 19 girls compete for a place in his
new girl band.
He says it's going to be good TV,
"having their monthly cycles coming together.")
-----------------------------------------------------
Rammstein are rumoured to be playing the Download
Festival under a different name.
-----------------------------------------------------
There's an email going round the BBC like
wildfire, which has left staff quaking with
fear about their new Director General,
Mark Thompson.
It appears to be an exchange
between Jeremy Paxman and World deputy editor
Anthony Massey which not includes the
revelation that Thompson bit Massey back in
the 80s during a Nine O'Clock News show, but
also claimed he throttled a picture editor who
messed up a lead story, resulting in the
picture editor's nervous breakdown and
departure from the BBC.
Massey says, "The joke in the newsroom
is that if ever they make me redundant, I'll
be off to the Daily Mail or the Sun with my
arm in a sling."
Paxman's reply, "Bloody hell, if any of this
came out, he'd be toast.
News RSS