"I will not have sex without my bra" - Jenny McCarthy
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.
__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 12.10.06 ISSUE 321
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.
popbitch.com
* Chechnya's psycho zookeeper
* Meat v Meatloaf, Chris v Marvin
* Charts: Razorlight are number one
-----------------------------------------------------
I would do anything to land
..
. but I won't do that!
Bat Out of Hell 3 finally gets released this
month.
With Jim Steinman, Desmond Child and Todd
Rundgren all involved it should be great. But
something almost went very wrong this week.
Meatloaf flew into Britain from Amsterdam on
Tuesday on a private jet.
At the last minute the
pilot aborted the landing. The passengers started
to get nervous when they saw pilots passing the
plane's manual back and forth. The nose of the plane
wouldn't come down or landing gear engage.
The pilots tried everything - tilting the plane,
speeding up and slowing down...
nothing worked.
They had to make an emergency landing. Police,
ambulances and fire engines got ready.
With
everyone on board bracing themselves to hit the
ground...
the nose righted itself and landing gear
engaged only 50 ft above ground. Thankfully
Meat was not mince.
(FYI: Meatloaf is at Virgin Megastore, Oxford St
next Thursday 6pm signing new single "It's all coming
back to me now.
" Go, take a photo and email us -
hello@popbitch.com)
-----------------------------------------------------
Deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan
renders the fast invalid, says Iranian Supreme Leader
Khameini, on his website.
-----------------------------------------------------
Tom Cruise was recently watching his son
Connor play football at his school.
Tom
spent much of the first period of play
engrossed in his Blackberry, but looked
agitated when he realised Connor's team
was losing. At the interval, Tom walked
on to the pitch, brushed past the coach
and gave the team talk himself.
-----------------------------------------------------
Steve O showed the crowd at Metal Skool this week a
stunt cut from the new Jackass movie: a naked back-
flip with his cock and testes stuck between his legs.
-----------------------------------------------------
Which ex-Big Brother contestant was watching
the England V Macedonia game in the Elbow
Rooms, Islington, but spending most of
his time in the toilets openly taking gak?
Which newish member of Dave Cameron's team
was renowned, in their former job, for
their enormous cocaine consumption?
What on earth could they possibly have in
common with the tory leader.
..
-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite European hotel: The Hotel
Fuck, Leverkusen, Germany.
-----------------------------------------------------
Where's the beef?
Everybody loves meat
Since Meatloaf didn't die in a flaming fire-
ball this week, let's celebrate meat!
1.
Meatloaf's real name is Marvin Aday. He's
a big Dallas Cowboys fan and spends hours
playing online fantasy sports leagues.
2.
Kim Jong-il loves meat. Kim orders takeout
Big Macs from McDonalds in Beijing. In North
Korea hamburgers are called Gogisyeopbbang,
which translates as "double bread and meat.
"
3. Arno is known as the Flemish Meatloaf
http://www.arno.
be/
4. Ricky Martin is another famous meat lover.
He once said, "I'm not obsessed with meat but
you need a good piece of meat once in a while".
5. Marilyn Manson once humiliated a deaf (but
willing) groupie by throwing meat on her while
she "serviced" him.
6.
The world's largest meat producer is in
Springdale, Arizona. It has an electrocuted
kitchen to kill the cows quickly.
7.
Ozzy Osbourne went through a meat period.
On one tour, his contract stipulated that 25
pounds of calves liver and pigs intestines be
provided to throw at the crowd.
8.
Grace Jones used to feed Dolph Lundgren raw
meat as foreplay.
9. When single, Prince Charles' standard seduction
tactic was to invite a woman around to a party,
and have a meat intensive supper with her.
10. Tom Cruise's favourite sandwich is corned
beef and pastrami heaped between potato pancakes.
(Please insert your own "He likes to get his mouth
round a nice bit of meat" joke here).
-----------------------------------------------------
Eurovision fans are in a froth over the rumours
that Scissor Sisters have been approached to
write UK's entry for Eurovision 07.
-----------------------------------------------------
James Blunt has been trying to interest TV
companies in making a reality type show about
him and concert he wants to put on in Kosovo.
He's right to think that he needs to improve
his public profile.
He even agreed to Weird Al
Yankovic's parody, You're Pitiful, until
spoilsport label bosses said no. Maybe James
should turn his attention to a concert in Baghdad
instead - its way more newsworthy. His cousin
James Blount (Blunt's real name) was an MI6 spy
but now heads up a mercenary/security group in Iraq
called Control Risks, so he's likely to be kept
safe.
Still, if he got captured he could always
sing to them. He'd be out in no time.
-----------------------------------------------------
Bono has a new nickname within the rock fraternity
- Mrs Doubtfire.
(Thanks to his ever- growing
resemblance to Robin Williams.)
-----------------------------------------------------
Meet Chechnya's psycho zookeeper
Did Ramzan assassinate his harshest critic?
Prime suspect in the murder of Russian journalist
Anna Politkoskaya, other than scary Russian
President Putin, is the even scarier Chechnyan
prime minister Ramzan Kadyrov.
Ramzan inherited
the position on the death of his father and has
only just turned 30. He manages to combine the
life of a Scorsese gangster with an LA trust
fund celebutante - in Grozny.
* Is best mates with Mike Tyson, now called
Malik Abdul Aziz.
Tyson has come to fight at
Ramzan's Grozny boxing club, "Ramzan".
Grozny is covered in posters showing Tyson
and Ramzan together.
* Bought a Siberian tiger cub, because Tyson
used to own one.
He also has a lion, a wolf,
a bear and fighting dogs in his private zoo.
* Before cuddling any of his animals, spits
in their faces. To stop them giving him the
evil eye, of course.
* Hung the head of a prominent guerrilla from
a gas pipe, as a warning to would-be rebels.
* Human rights groups say his private army,
The Kadyrovtsky, is responsible for 70% of
all torture, rape, murder and kidnapping.
* There is a cell phone video on a Chechen
website of an allegedly drunk Kadyrov with
prostitutes in Moscow.
* Anna Politkovskaya recently claimed she
had video footage of a man identical in
appearance to Ramzan ordering murders and
kidnapping. His army have begun using their
picture phones to record videos of themselves
torturing Chechens.
-----------------------------------------------------
More on Elton's scented candles.
There are two
fragrances "one" and "two". Curiously, number
two has the better smell.
-----------------------------------------------------
More good news for the Royal Family.
An ex
boyfriend of Prince Harry's lady Chelsy has
been telling friends about a certain set of
"artistic photographs" he has of her. But
they shouldn't be too worried - he's not
about to sell them to the tabloids. He's
waiting until that much hoped for day when
Harry takes Chelsy up the aisle.
*****************************************************
Yes, people rare queuing up to sort out Jade Goody!
Watch Jade put the hopefuls through their paces in
her own inimitable style. Can they handle the
challenges of a celebrity lifestyle?
Jade's PA, Mondays at 10pm, LIVINGtv:
http://tinyurl.com/s3c6e
*****************************************************
Chris de Burgh is the annoying little runt
with the world's most irritating record, Lady
in Red. Marvin is a Trinidad and Tobago
international beloved of Scottish football
fans.
Spot the difference:
Chris - "I met someone in the West Indies who was
not able to walk. I put my hands on him and he
was able to get up. I try to play it down.
" So
he went on BBC TV last weekend to tell us.
Marvin - Is training to raise the dead from
Nigerian Professor Victor Onuigbo, who is said
to have brought back to life 39 people.
Chris - had an affair with his children's nanny.
Marvin - has offered to cure a lesbian Scottish
MP - with God. "There is a demon in their spirits,
their spirits are ill," he says of gays. Chris
would probably offer to cure her lesbianism in
a different way.
Chris - In 2001 visited footballer Marcus Babbel
in hospital and attempted to heal the player's
injured leg using only his psychic powers and
a lamp containing crystals. Apparently his
musical work means Chris is "connected very
strongly" to his hands.
Marvin - Cured himself.
Hurt his cruciate
ligament in March 2005 and apparently refused
medical treatment, preferring to "use prayer".
-----------------------------------------------------
X Factor winner Steve Brookstein's second album
sold 200 copies on its release day, Monday.
-----------------------------------------------------
Things that make you go hmmm
Celebrity poo, Fox News, Tiny Kox
From the Beckhams to Russell Brand - celebs
wear Amplified's Rock Fashion Boutique Tees.
Exclusive 10% discount for Popbitch Rockers,
just use the code "popbitch" at checkout.
http://tinyurl.com/gx456
Want some celebrity poo or skin cells?
http://www.blackpitchpress.com/celebrityskin/music.
htm
US right-wing media are labelling Republican
sex-scandal congressman Mark Foley as a
Democrat. It started last week on Fox News,
who have repeatedly done it, and has also been
seen across conservative news blogs.
One conspiracy theory:
http://www.
alternet.org/blogs/peek/42851/
"Dita Von Teese; Queen of Burlesque", "Chick
and Dick's boner bingo". If we don't cover it its
probably not worth doing.
Get the best out of
London every week, subscribe to Time Out. Popbitch
Special offer: Buy 1 and get 8 issues FREE:
http://www.timeout.
com/offers/scpopbitch
*****************************************************
Got a mate who works too hard? Bait them with a
message from their boss - genius!
http://www.
BigCheeseMemo.co.uk
*****************************************************
End Bit
Help Popbitch!
* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com
* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.
* Win copies of Popbitch messageboard regular
(and Times diarist) Hugo Rifkind'a book.
Tell us who is the most overexposed person?
Email hello@popbitch.com.
More: www.overexposure.tv.
*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, N, dollymixture, DougalBear,
KOF, gingerpants, LF, JO, JB, glimmertwin, S,
ulysses,
Old Jokes Home:
President Bush gets out of his helicopter
in front of the White House carrying a baby
pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snaps to attention,
salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
Bush replies: "These are not pigs, these
are Texan Razorback Hogs.
I got one for
Secretary of State Rice, and I got one
for Defence Secretary Rumsfeld."
The Marine again snaps to attention,
salutes, and says, "Nice trade, sir."
Still Bored?
Tommy Sheridan still has one fan - his mum.
Alice Sheridan sings to launch his new party:
http://tinyurl.com/zyjqv
News RSS