Originally Aired: Nov 14 2006
Written by: Doris Egan
Directed by: Daniel Attias
Transcribed by: Rahul ( )
DISCLAIMER: We don't own "HOUSE." It's owned by FOX and NBC/Universal, and produced by Heel and Toe Films and Bad Hat Harry Productions. This transcript is unofficial, and should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be copied or distributed, especially for commercial use.
[PPTH "Vegetable Ward". Camera pans over the sleeping or comatose or vegetative patients, some with respirators attached, and
stops at the last bed, which belongs to Gabe, a guy who's in a vegetative state. Oh, and House is there,
watching his little TV, and having lunch.
Thankfully, the lunch is placed on an empty bed (luckily not another
helpless patient). House is watching "Blind Date". Wilson enters.
House looks up from his TV. Wilson does not look
pleased at House. Hmm, wonder why?
]
WILSON: What're you doing down here? Thought you usually have lunch with Coma Guy.
HOUSE: [mouth full, wiping his hands] This is Vegetative-state Guy.
Better company. [to Gabe] Hey, hey! tell him
about those sherpas you dropped acid with in St.
Patrick's Cathedral.
WILSON: [upset, loud] You stole my prescription pad and you forged my name!
HOUSE: [beat, then serious] What'd you tell the cop?
WILSON: I lied! He'd've put you away for ten years. After they took your license to practise medicine.
HOUSE: [shrugs] So, everything's good then.
WILSON: [gesturing wildly] I lied! To the cops!
HOUSE: There is no case unless they can prove that either I got the drugs illegally or sold them illegally. I didn't
do the second, you lied about the first. Game over.
WILSON: Yeah, Tritter's just playing. He's gonna see how clever you are and then just walk away.
HOUSE: Important thing is you keep prescribing the same amount of drugs to me.
Or it'll look suspicious.
WILSON: Here's another way to look at it. Having forced me to lie to the police, your first concern is securing your
"drug-connection"!
[The door opens. A 22-year-old guy, Kyle, walks in, backpack slung over his shoulder. He doesn't seem surprised to
see House there.
]
KYLE: Joining my father for lunch. I should have called ahead for a table.
WILSON: Dr.
House was just...
KYLE: ...
enjoying a Reuben. It's okay. After ten years, anything that'll get doctors in the same room is.
..
[While Kyle speaks, House starts putting the room light on and off in quick succession.
Wilson and Kyle seem
confused.]
WILSON: What're you doing?
HOUSE: Nothing.
What're you doing?
[Wilson looks at Kyle, who looks equally bewildered. House picks up a packet of Lays.
]
HOUSE: Chips?
[He tosses it at Kyle, who doesn't move, causing the packet to hit him on his mouth. Wilson looks a bit interested.
]
HOUSE: Wanna see something really cool?
[Kyle doesn't answer. House gets up, picking up his cane.
And just like that, he DISAPPEARS! Poof, into thin air.
Kyle looks around for House, in fear.
House appears directly in front of him, just as suddenly as he disappeared,
giving Kyle a start.]
HOUSE: I saw you leaving last Tuesday. Practically tripped over two guys on your way out.
But you had no problem
opening doors. It's called Akinetopsia. You can't see things when they move.
And since you haven't been hit by a
bus, I assume it's intermittent. Probably accompanied by seizures, which made me think that I can set one off by
flashing a..
.
[As if on cue, Kyle crumples to the floor and starts seizing violently. House looks at Wilson, who hurriedly tries
to stabilise Kyle.
]
HOUSE: God, I love this family!
[He glances at the comatose Gabe and then back at Kyle.]
HARD CUT TO:
[Opening Credits.
]
[Kyle's room. Cameron moves her finger slowly in front of Kyle's eyes. Kyle follows the finger with his eyes.
Chase
is also present in the room.]
KYLE: [smiling] I can see fine now.
[Cameron smiles back and picks up a clipboard.
]
KYLE: I've had seizures before. Most of the time, they're small. Doctors ran me through all the tests, couldn't
find anything.
CAMERON: Any history of epilepsy in your family?
KYLE: The only things I know about in my family are..
. lot of chutzpah and the ability to sleep for ten years.
[chuckles] Although I'm not really an expert.
Dad never really liked my mother's side of the family and, after she
died and he came here, I was raised by a guardian. Wouldn't even know how to get in touch with him.
CHASE: How about your father's side of the family?
Any relatives we could speak with?
[Chase starts putting a strap on Kyle's arm,
KYLE: My father was an only child and my grandparents are dead.
CAMERON: Well, what did you put down as the person the hospital should contact in an emergency?
KYLE: [dismissively] I-I left it blank.
CAMERON: There's gotta be someone, a friend..
.
KYLE: Plenty of friends, just..
. no one that would care if I was here.
[Chase pats down on Kyle's right arm, looking for a vein.
]
KYLE: [to Chase] Say, do you mind passing me my backpack?
[Chase obliges, but as he picks up the backpack, the unmistakable sound of bottles hitting each other is heard.
Chase and Cameron look at each other and then at Kyle.
Kyle looks away, caught. Chase puts the backpack on the bed
and opens it. He pulls out a wine bottle and gives Kyle an "Are you kidding me?
" look.]
KYLE: [sheepishly] Harrowed the dog.
[The Ducklings obviously don't buy it.
]
CUT TO:
[Diagnostics office. House is going through a couple of papers, while the Ducklings report.]
CAMERON: Could be infection.
FOREMAN: Or brain tumour.
CAMERON: Says he had a CT.
CHASE: It's probably the simplest explanation.
Trauma.
CAMERON: He didn't report any injuries.
CHASE: He didn't report being an alcoholic either.
Drinking equals falling down equals trauma equals...
HOUSE: Maybe it's inherited.
FOREMAN: How did you jump to genetics? [coming over to look at the papers] From his EEG?
All you got are some
vaguely epileptic-formed waves.
HOUSE: It's not his EEG. It's his father's.
When it comes to cortical seizures, like father, like son.
[He hands Foreman the EEG.]
FOREMAN: Small seizures aren't unheard of in a patient in a vegetative state.
HOUSE: Similarities are interesting though.
CHASE: What caused the vegetative state?
HOUSE: His house burned down.
Went back in to get his wife. Firefighters found him unconscious three feet from the
bedroom, asphyxiated.
FOREMAN: Not an inherited condition.
HOUSE: Test his DNA. Start with adrenomyeloneuropathy.
[The Ducklings start to leave.
]
HOUSE: [over his shoulder] Check out the home.
[They leave and he goes over the EEGs again.]
CUT TO:
[PPTH Lab.
Cameron and Foreman are conducting the tests. Chase (in street clothes) enters, obviously fulfilling
this week's quota of HOBE (House-Ordered Breaking and Entering).]
CHASE: He has a single bed.
FOREMAN: [snorts] They still make single beds?
CHASE: Could mean he just doesn't have sex, though there were condoms in the apartment.
FOREMAN: House asked you to check out the home for toxins.
CHASE: No mould, no leaks, no pets.
[He moves out of the way as House enters.]
CAMERON: MRI and LP are both inconclusive.
Infection's still possible. Tumour's less likely than..
.
HOUSE: DNA?
FOREMAN: Adrenomyeloneuropathy test was negative.
HOUSE: DNA test again. Try Unverricht-Lundborg and late-onset Lafora's.
[Foreman throws his head back in exasperation.
House turns to leave.]
CHASE: [protesting] Genetic tests take forever. You can't just keep testing him for every inherited condition you
think it might be.
HOUSE: Well, not me. I'll be leaving early. But you guys can.
[The Ducklings exchange a few glances and glare at House, as he leaves.]
CUT TO:
[Kyle's room. Cameron's taking hair samples from Kyle as Foreman speaks to him.
]
FOREMAN: You said no one's been sick, but what about delivery people, repair guy?
KYLE: I wouldn't know. I work from home.
I haven't been to the office in over a month.
CAMERON: Visitors?
KYLE: Haven't had any.
[Cameron and Foreman exchange a look.]
KYLE: Only person I've seen in the last week was the pizza delivery guy and..
. he looked pretty healthy.
CAMERON: There's gotta be someone you're close to.
KYLE: Actually, the person I see most often is my father. He's asleep so he can't stop me.
[Kyle starts shifting about, uncomfortably.
]
FOREMAN: What is it?
KYLE: Just feeling a little nauseous.
[Cameron opens his gown a bit, exposing his chest and stomach.
There's some bruising on the stomach. She puts her
hand on the bruise.]
CAMERON: I think his liver's failing.
KYLE: [scared] God. Does-does that mean that I'm..
.
[Cameron goes to get something, when Kyle suddenly starts to cough out blood. Foreman runs over to his side, to
call a code.
]
FOREMAN: Need a central IV! Two units of packed red blood cells, type O-negative!
HARD CUT TO:
[Aerial shot of PPTH.
Day.]
CUT TO:
[Diagnostics office. Chase and Cameron report to House.
]
CAMERON: He's unconscious and heading for a coma. He's at a four on the RLAS scale.
[House, for once, doesn't seem to know what could be wrong with a patient.
]
HOUSE: Stop all treatment.
CHASE: To see if this is a reaction to our meds?
HOUSE: Well, they obviously aren't helping.
Given the fact that he's an alcoholic, there's a good chance his liver
wasn't so hot when he came in. Anti-seizure drugs, they just pushed him over the edge.
[Foreman enters.
]
CAMERON: We take him off those meds, what do we put him on?
HOUSE: I was hoping you'd know.
FOREMAN: Maybe academic, I just started him on dialysis.
CHASE: Kidney and lover failure. Not too many people come back from that.
CAMERON: Trauma's out of the picture.
Could still be an infection.
FOREMAN: Or neurological or..
.
HOUSE: ..
.genetic.
[The Ducklings look at him, incredulously.
]
HOUSE: We need a better history.
[He limps out quickly.]
CUT TO:
[PPTH pharmacy.
House is behind the counter, looking for a particular drug. The pharmacist sits idly by, as the
Ducklings stand in front of the counter.]
CHASE: Did you miss the part where the patient lost consciousness?
[House finds what he's looking for and tosses the vial, from behind his back, to Foreman, who catches it.]
FOREMAN: L-dopa?!
CAMERON: You're not waking Kyle. You're waking his father.
HOUSE: I commend your observational skills.
[Holding two other vials, he starts to limp away. The Ducklings follow him.]
CHASE: You have no reason to think any manner of drugs will wake a man from a coma.
HOUSE: [correcting] Vegetative state. Much easier. This guy's no Terri Schiavo, his brain's all there, he moves
around, muscles have barely atrophied, just waiting for a fairy-tale kiss.
After I do that, stick a needle in him.
CUT TO:
[PPTH "Vegetable Ward". Near Gabe's bed, House fills a syringe from one of the vials.
The Ducklings watch, protesting.]
FOREMAN: The amount of amphetamines alone will be dangerous. Besides whatever the hell else you got in there.
[House picks up another vial and starts to fill it into the syringe.]
HOUSE: There are reports out of South Africa about a pill that'd temporarily revive someone in a vegetative state.
We've all seen Awakenings.
It made me cry. I wanna cry.
[House injects the syringe into Gabe's IV line.
The door opens.]
CUDDY: [voice-only, pissed off] Put the syringe down.
[They turn around to see Cuddy, standing there.
]
HOUSE: [Chinese accent] I can't help draw you, mysterious stranger.
CUDDY: [mad] We don't experiment on helpless patients!
HOUSE: Be reasonable.
There's no way this is gonna work.
CUDDY: Even if you woke him, it would only be for a few hours! A day!
Two at the most! You're risking his life!
HOUSE: I'm risking getting sued.
That's the only objection here.
CUDDY: You'll be torturing him. And his family.
HOUSE: Good news for Legal. Only family he's got is upstairs dying.
[Cuddy rushes to take the syringe away, but House depresses the syringe's plunger, sending the cocktail into Gabe's
bloodstream.
]
HOUSE: Whooaaaaaii!
[House yanks out the needle and stands back, satisfied. Cuddy looks absolutely stunned.
They look at Gabe. No
movement. The Ducklings watch with trepidation.
]
CUDDY: [voice trembling] I want this patient monitored for the next twenty-four hours. [pointedly at House] I want
someone with him at all times, to make sure you didn't kill him! I want your ass in my office.
..!
[She's interrupted by a grunt...
coming from a slowly awakening Gabe. The Ducklings are surprised.]
GABE: [as if he's only been sleeping a couple of hours] God.
I'm starving.
[He sits up.]
GABE: I could really go for a steak.
[He sits up expectantly. House looks at him, smiling victoriously.]
CUT TO:
[PPTH "Vegetable Ward".
Cuddy is examining Gabe, as House looks on.]
CUDDY: Do you know your name? Know where you are?
GABE: [groggily] Gabriel Wasniak. I don't know the name of this hospital.
CUDDY: How much are three and five?
GABE: [smiling] Eight. Also known as half of sixteen, quarter of thirty-two, two to the third power.
[Cuddy looks at House, beaming.
]
HOUSE: [smiling] Coolest thing ever. Any history of seizure in your family?
GABE: No.
HOUSE: Liver disease?
GABE: No. [to Cuddy] How long have I been here?
Got the feeling it's uh, been a long time.
HOUSE: Interesting. Your internal clock kept ticking.
How deep does that awareness go? Pick up scraps of
conversations, do you have a vague sense that the hospital administrator dresses like a Tra-La?
[Cuddy doesn't find that last question too flattering.
]
HOUSE: Or that the new Star Wars movies were a disappointment?
GABE: [pensive] I know my wife is dead. I don't know how long it's been.
[He looks questioningly at Cuddy.]
CUDDY: [empathically] Ten years. [beat] What's the last thing you remember?
GABE: The fire. My wife was in the bedroom. She had taken a sleeping pill.
I got...
Kyle out, went back in for her.
I knew I didn't make it.
CUDDY: Sorry.
HOUSE: How 'bout your wife's side of the family? Any history of seizures there?
CUDDY: Your son, Kyle, is a patient here.
I'm afraid his condition is serious. He may be dying.
[Gabe looks at Cuddy.
Finally, he inhales sharply.]
GABE: No seizure issues on my wife's side either. What about that steak?
Nobody ever answered me.
CUT TO:
[PPTH lobby. House gets off the elevator.
In the foreground, Wilson is signing a clipboard, held by a nurse.
They walk together.]
WILSON: Ahh!
Rumour in the cafeteria was Caustic Guy was waking up Coma Guy.
HOUSE: Technically, Vegetative State Guy was woken by..
. yeah, Caustic Guy.
WILSON: So, what happened?
HOUSE: Gotta get him a steak, before I can ask him anymore questions.
WILSON: He doesn't wanna talk about his son?
HOUSE: Didn't seem to emotionally register that his son is sick.
WILSON: Brain issue? He was asphyxiated. Spent ten years as asparagus.
Who knows what damage is in there?
HOUSE: It's possible. 'Course always the simple explanation.
Maybe he just doesn't like his son.
WILSON: Only in your world would that be simple.
HOUSE: The delusion that father and a child installs a permanent geyser of unconditional love.
..
WILSON: Maybe your father's feelings were conditional, not everyone's.
..
HOUSE: Yes.
Well, of course. That would play into your romantic vision of truth..
.
[Wilson stops walking. House turns around, after a few steps, to look at Wilson.
]
WILSON: Words you would understand. We have an evolutionary incentive to sacrifice for our offspring, our tribe,
our friends. Keep them safe.
HOUSE: [agrees, but...
] Except for all the people who don't. Everything is conditional. You just can't always
anticipate the conditions.
[He limps away. Wilson gives up and leaves.]
CUT TO:
[PPTH corridors.
Cameron walks down the corridor. She turns at a corner and is startled with a police badge is
flashed in her face. Guess who's holding it - okay, it's Michael Tritter!
]
TRITTER: Mind if we talk for a few minutes?
CUT TO:
[PPTH office. Tritter "interrogates" a harried-looking Cameron.
]
TRITTER: How many pills would you say Dr. House takes a day?
CAMERON: I'm uncomfortable saying a number.
TRITTER: [shrugs] Try.
CAMERON: Six.
TRITTER: A day?
[Cameron nods.]
TRITTER: Has he ever had you..
. write prescriptions for him?
CAMERON: No.
What is it you want me to say? That he takes too many pills and is a danger to the hospital. Or he
takes too few because he's selling them on the side.
Either way, it's ridiculous.
TRITTER: I meant the former.
CAMERON: Wrong.
TRITTER: Can I ask what Dr. House has done to deserve your loyalty? He's not known as a great boss.
He's not even
much of a friend. Look how he left Dr. Wilson holding the bag.
[This is news to Cameron. Tritter sees this.]
TRITTER: [smiling] It's all right.
You don't know about that. You defend him and he won't even tell you what's
happening in his life.
[Cameron's beeper goes off.
She gets it.]
CUT TO:
[Kyle's room. Cameron comes running in.
Kyle appears normal (for the moment). Chase and Foreman are sitting nearby,
casually.]
CAMERON: I was paged.
CHASE: Saw you with the cop. What'd he want?
[Cameron closes the door.
]
CAMERON: How many pills does House take? Did I ever write a prescription? That sort of stuff.
I told him six.
FOREMAN: [amused] A day or in a mouthful?
CAMERON: I was just hoping you guys would stay consistent.
..
CHASE: He wants to talk to us too?
CAMERON: You're next.
CHASE: [unsettled] We've gotta tell House what's going on.
CAMERON: Tritter says "no".
FOREMAN: Then "no" it is. Cops have a thousand ways to make life difficult for you.
[House slides open the door and pokes his head inside.
]
HOUSE: Quick! What's the kid's status? Gotta get back to our sleeper before he goes looking for the Orgasmatron.
[The Ducklings remain silent.]
HOUSE: See, if that were rhetorical, it would mean I could just turn around and leave now, which I'm not doing. From
which you should deduce.
..
FOREMAN: Stopped all drugs except the antibiotics.
His liver's just managing to hang in there.
CHASE: He's still sliding into coma.
[House looks grimly at the sleeping Kyle.
]
CUT TO:
[PPTH "Vegetable Ward". Gabe is looking at himself in a small mirror, seeing how old he's become, tugging at his double chin.
He's wearing street clothes.
House enters, carrying a tray with food on it.]
GABE: Your barber sucks.
[He stands up and shows House how much weight he's lost.
]
GABE: "Coma diet". I could make a fortune.
HOUSE: "Vegetative State Diet".
Who gave you your clothes?
GABE: Dr. Cuddy.
I guess I'll need all new ones anyway. Everything went in the fire.
HOUSE: Don't worry about it.
We use recyclable clothes now. More than once, then eat them. Your son's measles
vaccination, d'you remember if he had it and what type it was?
GABE: You're a piece of work, you know that?
[House sighs.]
GABE: You weren't gonna tell me, were ya?
I don't need new clothes. Dr. Cuddy says my body will adjust to the drugs,
and I'll be a vegetable again by tomorrow.
If I'm really lucky, the day after.
HOUSE: Yeah.
GABE: If I got a day to live, I'm not gonna spend it in the hospital, being grilled.
[He picks up his coat and starts to leave.]
HOUSE: C'mon, where you gonna go? House burned down, your wife's dead.
Business is sold off. The only thing you have
left is down the hall, heading for a liver biopsy.
GABE: Used to be this little um, hole in the wall, run by a guy named Giancarlo.
Made the best hoagies in the world.
Real Italian rolls. Prosciutto, provolone, [smacks his lips] mmm.
How far is Atlantic City from here?
HOUSE: You have one day to live and you want a sandwich.
GABE: People on death row get a last meal.
HOUSE: State provides it. Just providing for you..
. [this part was cut!!
!] You got a car? Money?
GABE: [smiling] You're negotiating with me.
[House smiles back.]
CUT TO:
[PPTH corridor.
Wilson withdraws money from the ATM installed there. House walks up, carrying his backpack.]
HOUSE: Take out another hundred, for me.
And I need your car.
WILSON: I'm not doing you any favours.
HOUSE: You'll get it back tomorrow.
Two days max. Or triple.
[Wilson looks at House and relents.
]
CUT TO:
[PPTH parking lot. Gabe and House walk up to Wilson's car. Wilson is leaning on his car.
]
WILSON: This is like trying to control the weather, but I'd prefer if you didn't eat in the car. Just had it
detailed.
[He hands House his keys.
Gabe opens the driver's side door.]
GABE: I drive!
WILSON: Oh, the hell he does!
HOUSE: Sure!
WILSON: Aside from the fact, he just woke up from a vegetative state, the guy doesn't have a license.
HOUSE: How 'bout this?
Cops stop up, we lie. You know how to do that. Chips!
[He tosses the car keys across the roof of the car to Gabe, who catches it perfectly. Gabe gets in the driver's seat.]
HOUSE: All the drugs pumping through his system right now, his reflexes are better than Dale Earnhardt Jr.
's.
GABE: [from inside the car, holding an IPod] What's this? It says "Ippod".
WILSON: I'm coming.
[He gets in the back, while House gets in the front passenger's seat. Gabe starts up the car and screeches out of
the parking lot.
]
HOUSE: [vo] So, let's talk about toxic exposure.
CUT TO:
[Convenience Store. Outside, Wilson puts his white lab coat in the car trunk.
Gabe and House are inside. Gabe is
looking at candy (that existed 10 years ago, but have undergone some changes).]
GABE: What was wrong with the old colours?
I trusted brown. Do the purple ones have chocolate inside?
HOUSE: [limping up] Raspberry cocaine.
This house that burned down. Where was it?
GABE: Morristown, New Jersey.
Listen, I really need to know about the candy, because I'm allergic to berries.
HOUSE: You didn't mention that.
GABE: Is it significant?
HOUSE: No. So, where else did you live? List everywhere, including vacations.
Start with when your wife got
pregnant.
GABE: We lived in Jersey. Then we moved to.
.. Jersey.
From there, Jersey. What, are you waiting to hear about the
little cottage in the Amazon, with the mosquitoes and the lead paint all over the walls?
HOUSE: [nodding] Yes.
GABE: You know what? I didn't let you come along so you could suck all the fun out of my one day of life.
HOUSE: Well, you're out of luck, 'cause that's totally why I'm here.
[Gabe turns around and looks at House.]
GABE: Okay. Rule change.
HOUSE: [purses his lips] Person with the money makes the rules. Or in this case, person, whose friend's the person
with the money, makes the rules.
GABE: Well, you want answers more than I want money.
Right, so, here's the game. Ask whatever you want. But for
every question I answer, you have to answer one first.
HOUSE: Why would you care about anything I have to say?
GABE: The day before I died, I was a successful man. I had a factory with over two hundred employees.
People listened
when I talked. I liked power. Now, the only power I have left.
.. is the power to annoy you.
[With a smug smile, he turns and walks off. House smiles wrily.]
CUT TO:
[Aerial shot of PPTH.
Day.]
CUT TO:
[Kyle's room. Kyle is unconscious.
The Ducklings are there.]
CAMERON: Took Wilson's assistant for coffee.
FOREMAN: Why?
CAMERON: Something Tritter said. She told me the police think that House stole Wilson's prescription pad and forged
his name.
FOREMAN: You.
.. believe it?
CAMERON: Do you?
FOREMAN: Why, absolutely. I do.
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