MegaStar says: Dear Madonna. Why not just donate part of the 238m to the whole orphanage?
Well, it looks like she s done it.
While we were holding out some hope that instead of a deprived orphan she d adopt a few ageing hacks instead - look, this beer habit isn t easy to fund, alright? - but no.
Possibly.
The Sun has a picture of the singer and the 13-month-old child, but the world - i.e., the people who read Grazia - is still waiting for confirmation.
Is it really wise to bring a child back to what is, officially, the fattest country in Europe? That s what the Mirror calls the UK today, following the publication of new figures by the Minister for Public Health - who, frankly, doesn t appear to have been doing her job.
Incidentally, all this coastline erosion.
Is it nature striking back? Or are we so fat that we re just sinking the country?
The need for healthy eating isn t being taken seriously by the Star which, ironically, is being splattered with ketchup in caffs all over the country as you read this.
They re Taking The Pith , screams the headlines, following Tony Blair s suggestion that people should be taught how to eat fruit and vegetables.
Yes, it s the nanny state gone mad. But look around you.
Maybe that s what it needs. And, hopefully, the right to shoot on sight lardy women pushing fish and chips through school railings.
The Express is offering its readers the secret to long life - they want the remaining 12 readers to keep buying the paper - but anyone who gets the Mail as well will question whether it s worth it.
Their front page focuses on Eileen Scott, a great grandmother who contracted two superbugs in hospital - first MRSA then the apparently more lethal Clostridium Difficile - and died slowly, in a filthy bed.
It s a bit earnest - like you expected moderation from the Daily Mail? - and merely highlights the lack of funding at the NHS, but - and it pains us to say this - they ve got a point.
We re agreeing with the Daily Mail? We definitely need more beer.
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