(If you're wondering what this is all about, click .)
This week's subject: Music biographies
The case for the prosecution ( )
Music biographies often promise so much but deliver so little.
Do you want to know how many GCSEs Alex from the Arctic Monkeys got?
How about where Boy George’s nan used to live? Or what about the exact layouts of each of Joe Strummer’s squats that he lived in during 1975? All of these facts are available in biographies about these people.
There are two kinds of biographies: those written by the band or singer themselves and those written by others.
The term "autobiography" is of course a misnomer as almost all of them are written by a ghost writer. This makes sense as most musicians are illiterate and can barely string a sentence together.
Also as they were often so out of their heads on drugs, booze or both, how on earth are they meant to remember what happened 10 years ago, let along 10 hours ago?!
Ghost writers are shadowy individuals who make a career out of pretending to be famous people through the medium of words.
Failed journalists, failed writers, or just generally weirdos, the career of a ghost writer is a strange one.
What often happens is the ghost writer will gather their material from a series of telephone calls with the subject and then write the book in the style they imagine the author would write. So for example, if you are buying Sharon Osbourne’s best selling autobiography 'Extreme', what you are probably getting is a series of telephone conversations transcribed and then a load of stuff that the ghost writer imagined might have happened.
The one that makes me laugh is when the book cover says someone WITH someone. What kind of a partnership is that? It’s a bit like Wham!
, George Michael WITH Andrew Ridgeley.
Then there is the other kind of music biography. Most of these are written by journalists.
And as we all know, journalists are SCUM. How can you trust a word that a journalist writes?
In a best-case scenario such as the new Joe Strummer book, the journalist has been fan of a band since before they were famous, interviewing the band many times and getting to know them in a way many others don’t.
However, this is a rarity.
What is more likely is that when a band springs to prominence, around six months later a selection of cash-in reveal-all biographies are released. Often these contain glossy pictures, lots of quotes taken from magazine interviews, people who knew the band when they were 13 and if we’re lucky, a one line quote from the drummer's nan.
Usually they contain no input from the band whatsoever.
After watching the Brit Awards I would anticipate that in the next six months, we have the following delights to look forward to
'Awesome Orson' – The full story of the whiny, annoying, and slightly fat American band.
'Man Morrison' - How James Morrison went from being a non-descript van driver from Rugby to a non-descript bloke from Rugby with a number one album.
'Fratelli Bolognaise' – All the dirty secrets of the Scottish band who have made one mediocre album.
The first Arctic Monkeys biography was released when they were about 18. Hanson’s came out when they had an average age of 13.
I propose a new rule. A biography is only allowed to be written after the subject is dead. True, it might make research a little more difficult, but as most biographers never actually speak to the subject of the book, perhaps it won’t matter too much.
Let’s summarise a few key points:
Music biographies are often self-indulgent.
Music biographies are often not true.
Music biographies are often boring - because musicians are often not very interesting
If you want to find out about a musician or singer, the best thing you can do is listen to as much of their recorded output as possible.
That will give you the best insight into who they really are.
The case for the defence (Damo)
Imagine a parallel universe for one minute. A parallel internet hosting a parallel blog with a parallel version of In The Dock.
Someone is prosecuting not music biographies, but music itself.
"But have you heard Limp Bizkit? Towers Of London?
Technotronic? Toploader? There’s so much bad music out there!
There would be no bad music if there was no music...
"
Back to reality.
There are some dreadful music biographies out there. In fact, there are probably more bad ones than good ones.
Cut-and-paste jobs that compile magazine articles, interviews with people almost unrelated to the bands (because close associates have got better things to do with their time than speak to crap biographers), factual error upon factual error...
and many offer no insight at all into the subject or, worse still, use the cuttings to draw wildly inaccurate conclusions. Everyone’s got their own view on art critics, but at least they help us filter out the worst offenders in literature..
. If you buy one of these rush jobs, you have only yourself to blame.
Music biographies, at their best, tell fascinating stories about fascinating people.
Not necessarily very nice people, but fascinating people nonetheless. Where to begin? A few examples.
..
1.
'The Dirt'. A book about the band Mötley Crüe. Like the best biographies, you don’t have to like the subject to enjoy the book.
In fact, if you did like the subject, you won’t after you’ve read this. They are quite evidently the most unlikeable people in rock history..
. and this book’s in their own words. You could open the book at any page and there will be at least one memorable anecdote.
.. an achievement by the standards of any genre.
2. 'Heavier Than Heaven'. Few artists illustrate the bad / good ratio of music biographies better than Kurt Cobain.
But this one cuts the sensationalism, and doesn’t necessarily paint a picture you’ll like of him. In other words, far more honest than the many writers who chose to canonise him. It’s gut-wrenching in places - towards the start of the book he’s sleeping in his car.
.. towards the end, a millionaire with a wife and a kid, he’s back there.
What you see between those two points is a man completely incapable of instilling stability in his life for even a minute.
3. 'The Last Party'.
Remember that you all supported (cough) Britpop last week? You should read this book. It should be school curriculum reading if the government’s serious about getting kids off drugs, until Pete Doherty’s autobiography comes out.
4. 'Everything'. Whilst it’s good if music biographies are even-handed, a love letter to the subject is no bad thing in the right hands.
And this is still as honest a portrayal of Manic Street Preachers as you’ll see anywhere.
5. 'My Magpie Eyes Are Hungry For The Prize'.
A good record label is more than just a company that puts out decent records, they usually have stories of their own. This one concerns Creation Records and is out of print, but you should really seek it out. 800 pages of it and not a word of that wasted.
Unlike many of the subjects...
With only 750 words, I need to stop there to address another criticism of music biographies, namely: "How do you know they’re honest, unbiased, and telling the whole story?" Simple answer: you don’t. If they were always 100% honest, they’d probably be a lot less interesting.
If they were always unbiased, the writer’s love of the subject might not shine through (essential if the book’s going to be worth reading). And if they told the whole story..
. well, I don’t really need to know how many takes were required to nail 'Like A Rolling Stone' in the studio. Decent books need decent editing – the best ones aren’t called page turners for nothing.
In conclusion, I have to apologise for once again trotting out the "good and bad in everything" argument, but unless you can safely say that a well-written book about music and musicians holds no interest to you, I hope I’ve got your vote.
PS. I’ve been careful to quote only a selection of those that I’ve already read, rather than relying on the opinions of others, but there are many more widely regarded as classics currently sitting on my "to read" list.
'Hammer Of The Gods', 'Wouldn’t It Be Nice', 'Cash', 'Morrissey And Marr: The Severed Alliance'...
* * * * *
Thanks to Phill and Damo. Now it's over to you. Guilty or innocent - YOU decide.
The comments box is open and awaiting your comments - you've got until Sunday to make up your mind...
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