(If you're wondering what this is all about, click .)
This week's subject: Guns 'N' Roses
The case for the prosecution ( )
Guns 'N' Roses. I remember when they were huge, comfortably the biggest band in the world.
My friends all loved them. Seduced, no doubt, by the bombastic tunes, the outlandish attire and, of course, the fact that they were, y'know, dangerous. An outlaw band.
Bad to the bone. Too cool for school. I felt that I really should like Guns 'N' Roses.
But I didn't. I really didn't. And I still don't.
The main reason for this is that I simply don't rate them. This is, of course, the most subjective part of my argument, and the one most easily dismissed. As with many of the acts prosecuted so far, you already know if you like them or not.
If you're wavering, I'd hazard a guess that you're a fan of some of the stuff off of Appetite For Destruction ('Sweet Child Of Mine', 'Paradise City', etc), the so-absurd-it's-funny 'November Rain' and maybe 'Live And Let Die', 'Knocking On Heaven's Door' or one of their other covers (more on those to come...
). And, well, fair play really. Their debut isn't a bad album really, as much as I'd love to hate it.
There are a handful of good tunes on there. And coupled with the image and the hype, it made them the biggest band in the world. And this is where my latter day resentment kicks in.
They simply didn't deserve to be.
Outlaw rock 'n' roll. The very idea makes me cringe.
It is, of course, bollocks. It's all a lie. Rock 'n' roll had long since lost its ability to threaten the system by the time G'N'R turned up.
Maybe in the 60s, maybe rock 'n' roll might have done something really revolutionary. Fact is, it really didn't. And although the moral majority might gnash and wail about Marilyn Manson, or Eminem, or whoever is the shocking flavour of the month, it's all hype, bombast and bullshit.
Guns 'N' Roses were a group of smackheads who got lucky. They had a few tunes, and an interesting look that told made an A R man's eyes light up with dollar signs. All they were interested in was money and fame and drugs.
And they got it all in spades.
After all, they signed to the oh-so-outlaw Geffen Records and released Appetite..
. with a deliberately offensive cover. Ooohhh, shake ye pillars of society.
They swore in interviews and were generally unpleasant. Testosterone-fuelled teens lapped it up. They even lapped up misogynistic crap like 'Get In The Ring' from the half-baked Use Your Illusion double release.
G'N'R were as self-consciously "punk" as Donny Tourettes, and therefore just as contrived and false, which is arguably the completely opposite of what punk was supposed to be in the first place. The record company simply kept them drugged up and pushed them around the world on tour, submerged in a bubble so that they believed what little talent they had could be spread across two albums of tosh. Kerching!
For better or worse, the tidal wave of grunge wiped hair metal off the map. But, G'N'R are now held up as some sort of musical high water mark. Eh?
Come on, people! They weren't very good! Axl Rose is clearly a tool!
They made lots of money off the back of being nasty pieces of work with about three OK tunes! They padded out their sets with covers cos they couldn't be arsed to right their own songs! And, possibly the greatest crime of all, they took the reggae breakdown out of 'Live And Let Die'!
The final insult is that Axl is still dragging his tired corpse around the world, living off past glories so faded you can barely make them out. We're more likely to see actual democracy in China than the Chinese Democracy album. I actually feel for the fans who were seduced back in '87.
They don't deserve this. Guns 'N' Roses are a textbook case of everything that I despise about rock 'n' roll.
No amount of rose tinted nostalgia can disguise the fact that Guns 'N' Roses were a far from great band who happened to be in the right place at the right time.
Where there should be invention and creativity, there was intoxication and laziness, where there should be passion and ambition there was cynicism and diminishing returns.
Guns 'N' Roses, like the outlaws they always wanted to be, are guilty as hell.
The case for the defence ( )
“You know where you are?
You're in the jungle baby!”
Guns 'N' Roses are the quintessential rock band. They took lots of drugs, drank lots of alcohol, swore like troopers, urinated on planes, looked ridiculous and wrote great songs.
When I defend Guns 'N' Roses I’m mainly defending the classic lineup of Axl Rose (lead vocalist), Slash (lead guitar), Duff McKagen (bass guitar), Izzy Stradlin (guitar) and Steven Adler / Matt Sorum (drums), plus the addition of Dizzy Reed (keyboards) – I am not talking about the Guns 'N' Roses of the late 90s and 21st century which is basically Axl and a bunch of random other people including a guy with a KFC bucket on his head. Although they were really good at the Leeds Festival in 2002!
Appetite For Destruction is quite simply of the best albums of the 1980s and one of the best debut albums of all time – FACT!
Every single track is a stone cold classic. Axl’s vocal range and lyrics, Slash’s perfect guitar lines, solos and pinch harmonics. And the other fellas, they were good too.
'Nighttrain', 'Welcome To The Jungle'...
Slash and Axl were a great rock double act, a bit like Morrissey and Marr but with tattoos and a drug problem.
Even if they had never produced another album, their legendary status would have been secured. But then they went to release two albums on the same day – Use Your Illusion I and II.
Of course there is the "legendary" 'November Rain' video, listed as the 9th most expensive ever made and worth every penny for the helicopter shots of Slash playing guitar in the desert.
And what about Slash? Stoke on Trent’s finest son.
When he left the band they had to replace him with TWO guitarists, that’s how good he is.
The latest G'N'R album Chinese Democracy has been in production for over 10 years at a cost of about $13million. It’s probably the most expensive album that has never been released – take that Stone Roses!
I don’t really expect to win this, because to truly appreciate G'N'R you probably have to be a spotty 16-year-old living in Midwest America. However, Guns 'N' Roses were a great band – this you cannot deny.
And finally, don’t let the fact that Axl Rose is a ginger twat sway your opinion.
Remember you can be a twat but still be in a great band.
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Thanks to Del and Phill for their contributions. Now it's over to you.
Guilty or innocent - YOU decide. The comments box is open and awaiting your comments - you've got until Friday to make up your mind..
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