In 1990, I was introduced to the Internet.
At the time, there was no Web. The Internet was text-only, with no Web pages and no graphics whatsoever.
(Mosaic, the first browser to permit graphics, was not introduced until 1993. That's when the Web, as we know it, took off.) The primary uses of the Internet were email and newsgroups.
Email traffic was unheard of except (for the most part) between college students and scientists. And Usenet (which still exists) was the primary way people of like minds would come together to discuss things.
I immediately found alt.
sex.movies, or ASM. At the time, there might be 10 or 15 posts a week (yes, a week) to ASM.
And it was all heterosexual. Most of the traffic on ASM was porn reviews.
I leapt in with both feet.
I posted a very long review of the classic film "Big Guns." My goal was to see just how these supposedly open-minded heteros would react to the broadening of some horizons.
Amazingly (yes, I was amazed), the reaction was positive.
Although they couldn't bring themselves to read what I had written, I wasn't flamed off the group.
By 1993 or so, Usenet was awash in spam. Worse, some mentally ill individuals (notably a Las Vegas-based former attorney named "Pig-fucker") had decided to spam the group and flood it with crap.
Shortly thereafter, the top five posters of alt.sex.movies resolved to form a moderated Usenet group.
The "alt." hierarchy was so full of traffic and spam that many universities and ISPs refused to carry it any longer. So we decided to go for one of the "legitimate" hierarchies: Rec.
Almost everyone carried the rec. hierarchy. But getting into that hierarchy meant a lengthy process of approval from the Usenet gods.
We cleared that burden, and rec.arts.movies.
erotica (RAME) was born. I was one of five original moderators. RAME still exists, although we went to robo-moderation three years ago.
Sadly, it's largely overrun with "raincoaters" -- straight men who think women are all "ho's" and "skanks" and whose vocabulary is limited to the word "hot." I haven't read the group in nearly four years.
In those early days, this was all just a lark for me.
I loved gay porn (I'd been watching it in adult bookstores since I was 16). But I'd only just started learning about how porn was made, which directors and studios were any good, and which names went with which bodies.
Only several years later did I realize that I'd gotten myself famous, somehow, for writing these lengthy gay porn reviews.
It led to a short-lived career as a porn reviewer (being a nice guy, I tended to get the crappy films no one else would review), and as a gay porn industry columnist. I even judged the GEVA awards twice.
I managed to save a few of my early reviews.
They're cute. My writing is so bad, and my use of exclamation points and elipses rivals that of Tom Wolfe. Not only that, but it's fun to see how my sexual tastes have matured over time.
An online friend I've since lost contact with once told me that my reviews were hotter than the actual films. I don't know about that.
But here's one review.
.. I've left it as-is, having only cleaned up the spelling errors.
BIG GUNS
If you ever want to show a gay video to your straight friends and say, "This is what real gay sex is like," OR you want to watch a gay fuck flick where the guys REALLY ENJOY fucking each other and being in each other's company, then get this film!!!
!!!
!!!
Yeah, yeah -- "It's a William Higgins film, and he's the god of gay porn!" Probably not..
...
Higgins is listed as the main man behind this film, but he probably only did the first three scenes (which were shot on film). The three "editors" probably did the film after Higgins bailed when gay porn went video just as this was being made.
And hey -- THERE'S ACTUALLY A GOOD PLOT HERE!
!!!
!!!
!!!
It's 1987, and in the days before AIDS everyone fucks without rubbers (for you who care). Mike Henson, who is buff and sweet looking and handsome in his glory (hole) days in this film, is the star who is just waiting to get off leave and go back to being a Navy flier.
This scene is on film, and the transfer is not so good for this one scene.
It's supposedly winter, and Mike is lying in bed. There are some AWESOME ass-worship shots here as Mike gets out of bed and looks out the window. He decides to sleep in and jack off (who wouldn't) rather than get up.
After climbing back into this HUGE bed, Mike lays on his stomach, legs spread BEAUTIFULLY, and humps the blankets for a while.
There are several GREAT shots of Henson's hot ass, his cheeks spread wide by his legs, and then Mike gets to his knees and jacks off some more. There are some good chest shots here of a Mike Henson still working out, and there are some GREAT close-ups of Mike's long, veined dick as he works his crank.
Mike leans back on one arm, poking his prong into the cool morning air, and eventually he gets out of bed (why?). He goes over to this chair, props one leg up on the chair (which is supposed to give us a nice ass shot again, but it doesn't) and he JOs some more.
Then Mike is BACK ON THE BED for the final sequence, lying on his back, his VERY stiff prick stabbing into the sky. (There isn't a limp cock in this film, by the way!) After some more JO, Mike shoots long, sticky, wet ropes of cum onto his belly.
MMMmmm-mmm good! Just like the Colonel says, it's finger lickin' good, and Mike scoops up some pearls and tastes his own jism.
This scene is JUST THE RIGHT length for jacking off--both for Mike and for us viewers.
There is this dreamy, mellow music throughout, which adds a nice subtle touch. WHEW! To be honest, I wasn't a Mike Henson fan before this, having only seen his inebriated performance (say hi to everyone at Betty Ford for us, Mikey!
) with Dolph Knight in "Score Ten" and his crew-cut, less-then-buff body in a spirited (well, not spirited, but ANYTHING looks good next to Lex Baldwin's Valium-induced acting!) session with Lex Baldwin in the opening scene to "Powertool 2" last year. But now -- WHEW!
!!!
!!!
!!!
! Someone tell Mike he needs to get back in the gym and stop hanging out with Johnny Walker..
...
Suddenly, it's summer. (HUH??
?) Mike is preparing to go to Palm Springs on the last leg of his leave (awfully fucking damn long shore leave if you ask me!) and he runs into high school chum Kevin Wiles who is apparently still IN high school, because Kevin still has a paper route.
Kevin sits down gingerly, and spins Mike a story about how he got laid by super-hung Chad Douglas last night. It's the old "he answered the door naked, dressed only in a robe that swung open, revealing his massive prick" routine, and it's DUMB. Even my goldfish was trying to give two thumbs down to this one.
First Kevin sucks Chad, and Kevin unwittingly chokes some on Chad's cock -- at least the ad-libbing here is good, with Douglas playing the "master" and telling Kevin to "shut up and suck". There's some slapping of Chad Douglas's limp cock in Kevin's face, and some very VIOLENT throat fucking that Chad forces Kevin to do.
Eventually Chad bends Kevin over a table, and Kevin strips.
Chad fucks him, and there's some of the Douglas trademark "aim the cock at his asshole, and if it enters his ass well great, and if it misses too bad if it hurts him" sort of stuff that I always thought was a bit of a turnoff. Chad then turns Kevin on his back, and fucks him some more. Eventually they BOTH end up on the table, Chad crouching over Kevin.
There are some UGLY shots of Kevin's swollen, red, raw asshole, the hemorrhoids hanging out as Chad penetrates him over and over, removing his cock from Wiles' ass and putting it back in. If this was supposed to be arousing, well it aroused my LUNCH anyway! Right back up the old esophagus.
...
.
Finally Kevin has his standard large, sloppy load, and Douglas cums in what for him is a fairly small cumshot -- but still pretty large! But we're not done, unfortunately.
(Is this why Higgins got the boot from this film? We hope so; this fascination with Chad Douglas' "master" image is dumb..
...
.) Back on the couch now, Kevin rides Chad's cock, first facing Chad and then away from him. The music here gets VERY repetitive, VERY boring, and DUMB sounding.
It tries to make the scene "throb" with quick energy, but instead the only thing throbbing was my head from the Muzak-like quality of the soundtrack! Again, we see both men cum , and it's the same story again.
And we switch back to Kevin Wiles talking to Mike Henson, and Henson grins at Kevin's story and they both leave.
Why this couldn't have been cut from the film is TOTALLY beyond me...
...
...
..
Now we begin to hit the REAL story here.
...
...
. In his apartment, Navy fly-boy Chris Gray (WHEW!!
!!!
!!!
Somebody get this guy on the phone and convince him to do more gay porn!) is fooling around with Johnny Davenport's gun, which he finds under the bed. Johnny tells him it's no toy, and they go to the firing range to show Chris how to shoot it.
There is a REAL GUN here, and a real firing range! Gray's startled reaction to the loud bangs the gun makes are either VERY real, or he's a great actor!!
! This whole scene is pretty well done, with Gray's timidity towards weapons very apparent and well thought-out. And as we knew, eventually Johnny Davenport can't keep his hands off of Gray's crotch as Chris fires the weapon, and we end up back at the apartment.
There is a LOT of tongue kissing action here. Johnny gets to his knees, and he actually BLOWS CHRIS! (First time a cock has passed his lips on screen, I believe.
...
.) Johnny kneads Chris' ass cheeks VERY well, and we see plenty of virile male asshole to drool over. Then Chris gets on his knees, and he slips Davenport's dong through his fly and blows him.
There is some HEAVY throating of Johnny's 10"+ cock, and the music here (which finally starts) is a bit tinny. But this is all dwarfed by the sight of Chris' VERY wet cocksucking; his red lips and tight nipples caught by the camera as he sucks Davenport is extremely hot!!
! Johnny's cock has never looked more veined, bumpy, ridged or wet, and the two boys eventually collapse onto the bed, Johnny Davenport's dick still locked between Chris Gray's lips!
Davenport strips Gray down as fast as he can, and then rushes to penetrate him.
There is a HOT penetration shot here showing Johnny spearing into Chris -- it's something we don't often see in movies these days. There is a problem here, when Davenport has trouble with his erection and has to use his fist as an impromptu cockring. It's annoying.
It does get better, though, as the sheer look of ECSTASY passing over Chris Gray's face made EVERYONE in my living room spew their loads!!!
Even the sight of Chris' beefy thighs and his hand on his hard cock is exciting!!!
!!!
!!
The fucking does get better, even if we do get far-away shots showing Johnny Davenport reaming Chris Gray for all his life and then the close-ups show only a little tiny bit of movement as Davenport struggles to penetrate Gray with his relatively limp dick.
Chris Gray cums in a NICE load, very thick and rich, and Davenport has one of his trademark squirter loads where the clearly shoots HUGE amounts of cum and it flies at least four feet. They finally collapse on top of one another.
Now at this point, I was going to be disappointed in this scene.
But then the surprise hit -- Davenport turns Gray over, and they fuck some more! And double-fuck sex scenes are ANOTHER thing you don't see much of any more these days..
...
Davenport is MUCH stiffer the second time around, and the action in Gray's ass is MUCH better, frenzied, and arousing. After a few more minutes of some VERY rough sex, Gray actually looking in pain for a few moments, we get some more wet, heavy cumshots from both men. Davenport actually has to BACK AWAY from Gray and the camera so we can see him shoot and still keep it all in frame!
!! Gray gets to his knees, and with Davenport holding onto him from behind, he drops a nice thick load onto the sheets.
...
. Both men hold on to each other in the afterglow, which is nice..
...
...
.WHEW!
Now the plot thickens and becomes a real plot: Mike Henson arrives in Davenport's apartment, and they decide to go suntan by the pool at Henson's hotel.
Here is where the flick switches from film to video, and you can see how the filmmaking styles change, too. While sitting by the pool at Mike's hotel (it won't be obvious until later that it's Mike's hotel..
.), the guys see Kevin Williams go into the hotel with his parents. They comment on how hot he is, and Kevin comes back out in a tight bikini and takes a swim in the pool.
Davenport bets Henson $100 that Henson can't get Kevin Williams in bed, and the race is on! Kevin's parents stop by the pool to tell their "little" boy they will be out for several hours, and he goes back inside. Meanwhile, Davenport and Henson are changing into their clothes in Mike's hotel room.
There is some wasted opportunity here to show each man's dick and ass and body while they dress. If you were like me, you just wanted to see more of HOT Mike Henson!!
!
Davenport shows Henson the new toy he has: a 1987 style videocam that he can put in a gym back that has a convenient window, and Henson can film his exploits as proof of his conquest. Davenport can even watch it from a little TV he has that's linked electronically to the videocam.
Yeah right...
...
...
This part in the room just lasts too long.
Eventually, Henson shows at Kevin's door posing as a masseur for his folks. He says Kevin should take it or it will just go to waste, and he agrees to let him in.
Mike uses the old "I don't want to get oil on you, why don't you take off your clothes" routine. Kevin acts DUMB in this scene, not naive or innocent, but for some reason both cliches work!!
!!!
!!!
! For a masseur, Mike stinks -- he just runs his fingertips over Kevin's body and oils him up a lot. Mike even starts to admit to Kevin that sometimes "I fuck the women I massage" (like Mike Henson has even SEEN a woman naked before, the queen!
) Eventually, Mike touches Kevin's balls and when there's no reaction Mike goes for it, and gets Kevin to strip totally naked. The deal is, many directors and writers TRY to use a similar plot cliche, but few can make it work. It works here, largely because the director takes SO LONG to set it up!
And lo and behold, Kevin gets an erection and soon Mike is massaging (i.e., JACKING OFF) Kevin's cock.
This is actually so FUCKING SENSUAL that I shot right here! We even see Davenport in the other room bitching about his lost $100 now..
...
And Johnny decides to at least enjoy the free peep show he's getting.
Kevin rolls onto his belly, and Mike oils his ass and spreads his ass wide and does some HOT ass play. The shots of Davenport JOing here are annoyingly spliced in, but they will get better.
The scene shifts now to Mike Henson fucking the shit out of Kevin Williams' ass!
Mike is STIFF AS STEEL and the penetration shots here are fucking AWESOME!!
!!!
! Mike then crouches over Kevin's ass, and again the fucking is just as fast, hard, and deep as before!!
! It's VERY arousing to watch Henson lick Kevin's ears, face and lips as he fucks him from behind..
...
. It's clear: Mike Henson KNOWS how to fuck a man!!
!!!
! Then they switch positions, both men on their sides, Henson pushing into Kevin's ass. Again, this side-by-side fucking position has been used by a lot of people, but only these two seem to have the athletic ability to really pull it off!
Both men are CLEARLY into their fucking as well, which makes this scene one of the hottest in the film.
Now Kevin gets on his back and rolls into his shoulders, his ankles to his ears. Mike stands over him, and penetrates his ass in a VERY kinky position that once more brought several cumshot-muscles into action in my household!
Shots of Mike repeatedly entering Kevin, and fucking him HARD, are interspersed with shots of Kevin's face clouded in the sheer wildness and desire of this scene. Then the two guys switch to the standard missionary position, and there are even MORE awe-inspiring penetration shots here! Easily, this is the beat-off scene of the YEAR (even if it was done first in 1987!
). Now come more shots of Johnny Davenport in the other room JOing -- it's an awesome thing to see this stud fisting his dick, and when the fist is at the root, about six inches of rigid fuck pole STILL PROTRUDE over his thumb and forefinger!!
!!!
!!!
Switch back again to Mike reaming the crap out of Kevin, and now Kevin does something I've had my fuck partners do, too: He reaches behind Mike's ass and inserts a finger into Mike's hole. As Mike humps, that finger stabs in and out of his ass, and the look on Henson's face is sheer heaven! Now at the end, Mike Henson shoots a sort of smaller load, but it's followed by Davenport spurting like Old Faithful -- pointing his dick straight into the air, Davenport spurts shot after shot of thick cum three to four FEET into the air!
!!!
!!!
!!!
!
It's one of the MOST erotic cumshots I've ever seen! And it's followed up by a sloppy, wet load that Kevin Williams shoots onto his own taut belly.
...
...
..
Back in Johnny's room, Mike refuses the $100 -- he took the poor guy's cherry, and he doesn't want to cheapen it by taking Davenport's cash.
That was nice...
...
Now the plot twists: Mike gets his brand new American Express card in his hotel mail, and he decides to move to a nicer hotel and party with his friends. Mike now picks up buddies Mike Ryan and Jeff Boote, and they go to Mike Henson's NICE suite in downtown Palm Springs. Again, we get a little longer than necessary scene where we see the Palm Springs hotel strip, and it doesn't get any better quick.
The boys decide to use the hot tub in Henson's room, and soon they are all stripped down to their underwear and enjoying the water. Boote gets an erection in the tub, and they decide to get out and "seek some women" (again, like these guys have ever even WANTED to fuck pussy before..
.). This whole thing about getting into town and getting in and out of the tub is about the most boring thing you can imagine!
But it resolves rather nicely here: Boote starts poking around in Henson's luggage, and he finds some "Fundies" -- the underwear for two. Henson and Ryan show him how they are used, and they all collapse on the bed.
Now, here's where the movie is great -- we get about five to seven minutes (really!
) of three guys just horsing around. They are very physical as they wrestle on the bed, sure. But the deal is, the laughter sounds real, the horse-play is honest and fun to watch, and it's VERY CLEAR that these three guys like each other and enjoy each other's company.
It's just like three gay friends should be -- happy to get naked and get it on, and have a good time doing so!!!
And that, amazingly enough, is just what happens...
...
..
Ryan and Boote manage to roll Henson on his back, and discover he's got an erection.
But Henson wriggles loose, and Ryan and Henson push BOOTE on his back, where he has an even MORE substantial erection! Soon, Henson is jacking Boote off, and the action begins.
There is some spanking here, too -- nothing that's supposed to be quasi-S M, just enough slapping to get you to think that this is the sort of mild "punishment" three guys fucking around in bed might get into for three minutes before the blowjobs begin.
Soon, Mike Ryan is blowing Jeff Boote, and Boote REALLY gets off on it!!!
!!!
Henson does some okay ass-eating of Boote, and eventually Boote and Mike Ryan 69, with Henson also licking Boote's very nice 7" cock. Boote slips a finger into Mike Ryan's ass. Then, Henson and Ryan go butt-to-butt while on their backs to allow Boote to blow them both at the same time; there is some GREAT two-cocks-in-one-mouth action here, which I've seen VERY few men capable of carrying off well -- but it's done PERFECTLY here!
Henson CLEARLY enjoys THIS!!!
!!!
!!
There's even a little ad-libbing here: Henson reaches between Boote's legs and jacks him off as Boote blows, a scene clearly not intended by the hurried look of the way it was shot, but a segment that shows how aroused these guys were by each other.
There are again some EXTREMELY nice shots of Jeff Boote's ass cheeks spread as he kneels to suck these guys off. Then Boote mounts Henson's cock, and rides it home; both men are CLEARLY getting off on this!!
!!!
!!!
Mike Ryan cums here in a VERY sloppy, very large, far-spurting cumshot which is obviously very intense for him. Henson has another okay cumshot (not POOR by any means, just okay) which lands on his own belly, but Boote saves his for later..
...
.. Hmmmm.
Mike Ryan now kneels doggie style on the bed, and Mike Henson gets on top of him in a similar fashion but doesn't penetrate him at all. It's Jeff Boote's turn to do the fucking, and WOW does he know how to pack the fudge!!
!!!
Boote fucks them both doggie style, alternating between assholes!!!
He is EXTREMELY energetic here, and Henson is in OBVIOUS ecstasy as Boote plows him open. (Why hasn't this guy, like Chris Gray, made any more videos??
?) After Boote spends five minutes really giving it to these two guys, he himself gets on his back for a little missionary fucking from Mike Henson while Mike Ryan slips his cock between Jeff's lips..
...
..
Henson again shows that he knows how to ball a guy VERY WELL, and Boote again slips some fingers up Mike's ass as he fucks; Mike Ryan also ends up licking Boote's toes and feet here.
After more of this awesome ass plowing, Boote 69s with Ryan again as Henson continues to show us his piston imitation. Henson slaps some beautiful balls against Jeff Boote's ass, and he gets Boote to cream a NICE load all over Mike Ryan's face. Henson himself creams a fairly large load all over Boote's ass, and there is an AWESOME sight of Jeff Boote hungrily looking into a mirror (which is at the head of the bed) and ogling Henson's cock and shooting spunk!
!!!
!!!
! Finally, Mike Ryan drops ANOTHER sloppy, large load on his own stomach. The music throughout this scene is throbbing, driving, and subtle -- the way it is throughout the film.
These three fuck buddies end up showering together, soaping each other up and stripping cum and sweat from their bodies.
It's the end of the film, folks, and we get to the final scene where Johnny Davenport and Mike Henson are finally back in uniform -- dress whites -- at a bar. In comes Rocky Armano, aide de camp to an admiral; Davenport and Henson share yucks about how Armano sucks his way to the top and how Henson fucked him a year ago -- they think it's funny the ramrod strict and straight admiral would have the biggest cocksucker in the Navy on his staff (this will lose it's humor if the Navy ever has to admit gays.
...
...
. Geez, it's going to be difficult for people in the near future to see why this is so funny, once gays are an accepted part of military life!)
At any rate, the emphasis of this scene is not on Henson or Davenport, but on two other stud Navy fliers: Jeff Quinn and John Rocklin (who, by the way, had met before on the set of "Giant Splash Shots 2" earlier in the year, and were lovers on that set; it's why Rocklin agreed to do this film, only his second, and why he agreed to do what he did in this film , as you'll see later.
...
...
) When a hot-looking babe walks in the door and says hi to Rocklin, he plays Bob Packwood and grabs her tits. She flames him, and the drunken fliers go outside to commiserate about why Rocklin can't pick up women. (Here's a hint: BECAUSE YOU ARE AS GAY AS NOEL COWARD, YOU STUPID SHITS!
!!!
!!!
!!!
! Why gay porn makers INSIST on reproducing and sucking up to this "inside every gay man is also a hetero man" is beyond me..
...
...
...
)
God, these men are hot to watch!!!
!!!
In the hot summer night, Rocklin takes off his officer's jacket, and both men sweat profusely, soaking their clothes and hair and looking VERY sultry...
...
. Rocklin asks Quinn to show him how to pick up a woman, and Quinn says the secret is to never take your hands off her but also never to go too fast right away..
...
Jeff touches John's ears, face, pecs, nipples, abdomen -- and Rocklin begins to swoon! Soon Jeff Quinn is licking at John Rocklin's armpit, and he works his way down John's body to his waist.
This CHEESY Mexican-type guitar music begins here, but thank god it doesn't last long!
Soon, Quinn is taking off John's boots, and begins to engage in some SEXY foot worship! But it's when Quinn finally reaches for Rocklin's cock, which is half-sticking out of his pants, that the action takes off: Quinn doesn't suck Rocklin right away; instead, he LICKS John's cock for a solid five minutes. The cum fairly FLOWED from the cocks in the room where we were watching this!
Here now, some harder, more rock-like music begins, very subtly, and Jeff Quinn starts to blow John Rocklin FEROCIOUSLY!!!
Both men strip, and the sight of sweat POURING off their hard bodies is enough to stiffen even the limp dicks us poor reviewing audiences now had after our eighth cum of the film! Quinn stops sucking John and tries to get John to suck his cock, but John says "No, I can't do that." Yeah, right -- anyone see "Giant Splash Shots 2" where John DEEP THROATS hung Jim Bentley?
???
Instead, Quinn makes Rocklin bend over a wicker basket, where Quinn eats his ass out like it was full of honey and Jeff Quinn was a diabetic Somalian with low blood sugar and a sweet tooth!!!
!!!
!!!
There are some AWESOME shots of both men's EXTREMELY stiff penises here, and it is enough to get that joy juice rolling again!
Jeff Quinn, however, even fingers his own ass as he eats John out. Finally Quinn fucks Rocklin, who is doggie style over the basket.
The sight of Quinn's tan flesh against Rocklin's white ass is incredible!!!
!!!
!! Not to mention the fact that Jeff Quinn is one of the most ABLE fucks in the world, and he has a well-deserved reputation in gay porn for being one of the BEST tops around in terms of pleasing his fellow actors.
And he proves it again here -- Jeff lays pipe into John's ass hard, fast, steady, and swift; Rocklin then props one leg up on the basket so we can supposedly see the penetration better, and we get some VERY hot penetration shots!!!
Jeff Quinn then has a VERY intense orgasm, one so strong he involuntarily whimpers out loud and cries out as he spills a VERY LARGE LOAD on Rocklin's pretty globes.
Rocklin then humps his cock in his fist; the sight of his curving cock, seen from behind through his legs, is just fucking INCREDIBLE, and John spews a BIG load as well.
Now Quinn puts Rocklin on his back and REALLY fucks him missionary style.
You can see why every man alive in 1987 felt their loins tremble whenever Jeff Quinn got erect -- Quinn knows how to FUCK. There are some great shots here of Jeff's low-hanging balls slapping smartly against Rocklin's ass cheeks, and some nice lingering shots of Quinn's sweating and muscular pecs..
...
And now we get something we rarely see, either, these days: the top finally bottoming in the same scene!!!
!!!
! Here is what John Rocklin never wanted to do until Jeff Quinn forced him to -- make love to his REAL LIFE lover on screen. But Jeff Quinn puts Rocklin on his back, climbs on board, and IMPALES himself on John's stiff fuck tool.
Quinn rides it like the Lone Ranger striving to reach the train before the bomb explodes -- except that the only thing exploding in THIS movie is these cocks!!!
!!!
! Wave after wave of sheer joy crosses Jeff Quinn's face as he rides that prick -- and me and my reviewing partners shot ONE MORE TIME!!
!!!
!!!
! Quinn also pinches his own nipples and twists at his own pecs here in an awesome display of self-pleasuring.
Then Quinn dismounts, and Rocklin fucks him doggie-style (something else John said he'd never do to his real lover on screen ).
If you're a John Rocklin fan (I'm one), here's the scene in which he FINALLY tops another man. Shit, WE KNEW YOU COULD, JOHN BUDDY!!
!!!
!!!
! John's strokes are steady and measured, and he lets loose a fairly nice load over Quinn's butt. GOD Rocklin has a nice cock -- long, thick, and with a VERY SMOOTH KNOB that drives me WILD when I see it polished with cum !
!!!
! Now it's Jeff's turn, and he cums in a VERY large and wet load, how own sizable rod showing its glorious head as Quinn clearly enjoys popping his nut.
The final scene in this film -- for you folks at home looking at the box cover, you've probably been sitting there scratching your head and saying, "Hey, I thought Rocky Armano was in this film MORE than just that cameo in the bar!
" And you're sort of right...
...
...
. BUT THIS IS A DUMB ENDING.
Mike Henson and Jeff Quinn (real life best friends, by the way) are playing paintball war games as practice for their Navy flying (huh?
) and they are joined by Armano. Quinn says that the loser should get stripped down and tied to a tree all night long, and of course Quinn and Henson gang up on hunky Rocky and he loses.
There's an over-long and boring paintball fight scene here, with the physical acting not NEARLY as good as it was earlier in the Hotel Suite scene or could have been here either.
Why Jeff Quinn strips down halfway through this scene is also a mystery deserving of Twin Peaks fans...
...
.. At any rate, Henson and Quinn now strip Armano to his Army camouflage shorts (although I didn't know the Army made low-rise g-strings!
!!).
They tie his hands together and string him up from a tree limb where he dangles several feet off the ground, his big pouch full of prick and balls clearly exposed, and his muscles flexing...
...
..
FLEXING FOR WHAT?
?? THIS IS WHERE THE FUCKING MOVIE ENDS!
!!!
All we get now is a stupid end credit saying "To be continued in Hot Rods: The Young and the Hung Part 2".
HUH??
???
Both "Hot Rods" and "The Young and the Hung" are OTHER MOVIES -- why do their sequels get spliced together and collapsed with the sequel to "Big Guns"???
?
God only knows, if even He can figure this one out..
.. The thing is, the scene in "Hot Rods 2" IS very, very, very hot where Armano gets abused and raped by Quinn and Henson.
The trouble is, I think that's ALL I liked about that film...
...
...
And why make us buy it, just to see ONE SCENE???
??
Okay, so I'm no porn producer and I'll never figure this out.
But what I CAN say is that on the five-star rating scale (1 being total coldness like space where no one can hear you scream, and a 5 being the heat of Jeff Quinn's breath on your neck just before his massive cock splits into your man-beaver), this films rates a solid and whopping:
FIVE STARS.
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