Times they are changin

But after listening to the recital she said she saw no reason to wait, whipped out her cheque-book and handed astonished staff a cheque for $10,000 on the spot.
Fortunately, the staff there are just the best, so there was no chap going into a bank that afternoon wanting to open an account and explaining: "The name's Grove .

. . Kelvin Grove.

"
WE see on the website for the Pensioners' Party, or the Scottish Senior Citizens Unity Party, to give it its Sunday name, that candidate Don Sharp from Ayr describes himself as having "two-and-a-half grandchildren".
We can't help thinking that sounds like a really nasty divorce settlement.
OUR tales of bishops meeting schoolchildren reminds Ian Drake of filling in his Primary Seven "news book" when the class was to be taken to the school gymnasium to meet the then auxiliary Bishop of Glasgow, later Bishop of Paisley, John Mone.

Unfortunately, his news book entry - "I have to go now, to hear the Bishop Moan" - was not regarded as a mere slip by the teacher and he was suitably chastised.
Best or better? WE mentioned how only Scots appreciated the commentator at the Manchester United v Roma game announcing: "That's Totti with the chip.

"
Ronaldo and the incomparable George Best."
THAT venerable newspaper, the Sunday Post, has been phoning Scotland's councils asking them how many houses in their area still had outside toilets. One council spokesman was able to tell them that no, there were no outside toilets that the knew of in the area, and added: "As far as we are aware, the only folk still using an outside toilet is the family of Oor Willie," who is, of course, a Sunday Post institution.

ELECTION point to ponder. Donald Cameron in Largs asks: "Is the Green Party not missing the core message of its manifesto by having its election posters made of plastic and attached to lampposts and railings with plastic ties?"
WE read in Clackmannanshire Council's staff newsletter that bikes are being bought for staff to use on council business.

As the newsletter tells us: "It is anticipated that these will be rolled out over the next month."
Well, they would be, Oh, and it being a council with the usual barrowload of regulations, staff have to go on an assessment course to show that they know how to ride a bike before they can borrow one. Although why you would want to borrow a bike if you can't go it is not explained.

A READER saw a couple of male student-types queuing at a west end supermarket with a basket-load of cleaning products. When they got to the checkout, the woman ringing up their purchases cheerily asked the inevitable question: "Cleaning the flat, then?"
One of them must have been waiting for that as he replied: "No.

It's the girlfriend's birthday."
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