I bought the song and paid out more during the Live Aid concert in that halcyon summer of 85. In fact, the more we got pissed that day, the more we pledged from my local. The Governor even kept the pub open all day it was party atmosphere.
Whether you like it or not, Band Aid/Live Aid did change attitudes and views, and genuinely good things happened at a time when the greed is good mantra could have been held up as a slogan for a Thatcher government and a society duped into believing that there is no such thing as society (Thatcher s words not mine). People of my age came together and instead of just whinging about how shit things were via our smart-arse alternative comedy, we put our hands in our pockets and assuaged our guilt by putting our money where our mouth was. Would we have done it without the Geldof Project?
No, we wouldn t and the reason was we didn t watch the news, or current affairs programmes, we were the party generation, drowning our ignorance of the Thatcher years in a haze of dope and lager. We were out most nights, and when we weren t we probably at someone s house, gambling or shagging.
What Geldof did was put this tragedy right in our faces using the tool most likely to get the attention of the young our false idolatry of wealth, fame and celebrity manifested in the music stars of the time.
And it worked, whoever you were you couldn t ignore what was going on, you couldn t forget Geldof having a pop at Maggie, or swearing in his passionate plea to give us your fucking money . For fucks sake it even got Led Zeppelin back on stage for the only time since Bonhams death. Whatever music you liked or didn t like, there was someone involved that appealed.
Even that crusty old misery Neil Young performed in the States. None of this would have happened if it hadn t been for one tortured, miserable, passionate, scruffy Irishman and his never to have a number 1 single Scottish mate. It was in it s own way not only a master tactic, but a mini revolution.
Are you seriously telling me that we, or at least the youngsters of today, don t need something similar today to shake off the creeping malaise of ignorance we live under now?
But I can take their sponsorship of it if the cause is right because like Geldof I would use it as a means to an end and not get caught up in a game of right-on political dogma with bleeding hearts spouting on about the whole thing being tainted because of it s association with The Sun. Fuck The Sun! Bollocks to their little game of Aren t we the gracious ones most sensible people aren t suddenly going to become Sun readers because of their association with the record because we have brains and intellect and can choose rationally for ourselves.
The Sun is an irrelevance in all this now because Midge Ure and Geldof s little project is now up and running again under their control. If the Sun wants to try and claim then nothing s going to stop that, as reprehensible as that may be.
As you can tell I am a little dismayed at the cynicism that Band Aid III is being greeted with.
One particularly piss poor view seems to be that because the idea was conceived in the 1980 s then somehow it is bad to resurrect it in the enlightened (sic) Millennium years. This ties in with the whole new is good, old is bad culture that pervades our society. It s just another inverted form of snobbery emanating from smart-arse know-nothing shit necks barely out of nappies trying to show how clever they are with their pseudo-intellectual ramblings.
My message to them is fuck off back to University and get a degree in Real Life . Then come back and comment on stuff you currently know nothing about.
) is shite, as is a lot of Old Music (who could forget Brotherhood of Man), but whether music is good or bad is fuck all to do with its age. It s about the skill and care the artist has taken in writing, producing and performing it, added to the subjective perception and personal taste of the audience. It s not better if it s cult or enjoyed by a minority either.
Just because something is popular with masses doesn t instantly make it shite. People who think this are as bad as that cultural cripple Brian Sewell.
In my periodic series of Art pictures in this blog I have included works from classical artists as well as modern art.
It is subjective again to some point, but honestly will anyone be raving about Tracy Emin s soiled bed in 200 years time, or a light switch going on and off in a room? That s not breaking boundaries, its conning people.
Nothing to do with the age of the food and the merits of not eating mouldy food, rather the bollocks industry around restaurants.
When I go out for a meal I sometimes want something simple, wholesome and I want enough on my plate to make me feel fully contented. I am their to be fed, and to have a drink and enjoy the company. I do not need an experience when re-fuelling.
I do not want Art on a plate. I do not want 3 baby vegetables drizzled in jus . If old food is so bad why are we living longer?
I d rather eat in roadside café than in The fucking Ivy.
Fashion is a shitehole industry anyway pampering to skinny arse airheads and aging queens. But it is trendy to snigger at the 80 s fashions now isn t it.
Oh how ridiculous the hair styles were, the clothes, the music. It s the decade that taste forgot! They said the same in the 80 s about the 60 s and 70 s, but as you get older you realise that it was of it s time.
It may look silly now, but it will recycle and at some point in the future, the yoof will be wearing pixie boots, leg warmers, ra-ra skirts (which was a top fashion idea in my view!) puffball shirts and men will wear makeup and the Mullet will return.!
ahem regrets.
You know how it is when people are interviewed and they re asked if they regret anything in their life, or if they would have done things differently. Almost inevitably every single last one of them trots out the line
Why is that?
Surely they must think something could have been better, or that some decision was wrong or regrettable. I know I have plenty of regrets, some of which may have altered where I am now. It s not that I m unhappy with things the way they are, but I m intrigued by the prospect of what might have been.
I often wonder what would have happened if the premise of the film Sliding Doors had occurred, or the song Different Corner by George Michael. So here goes key things I regret ..
Not staying on to do A-levels and then going to University: I was educated in the 60 s/70 s and Uni was very much a minority option for those really bright academic types. I was quite bright and could have done A levels and gone to Uni (well according to my teachers I was), but all my mates were leaving school and getting jobs. They ended up driving round my house in their Vauxhall Victor s or Cortina MkII s or riding their Suzuki GT250 s acting like Loadsamoney, waving their wedge in my face before going to the pub, getting drunk and/or getting off with someone.
Very hard, if not impossible to resist.
Another thing was that no-one, not the Teachers, not the laughably titled Careers Officer with his standard quote
ever sat you down and told you that University wasn t like school, and that you d be quite likely drinking, smoking a bit of grass, going to the odd party and potentially shagging loads of intelligent women, whilst learning at the same time! Why not tell it as it was?
Now that s what I call a hard sell. So yes, knowing what I do now, I regret not staying on and going to University. Verdict: Weak Jack
Selling my dead parents house: I was young and had had enough of trying to run a house and be somehow responsible for 2 younger brothers a failed task because that s too big a job for someone of 18.
Sold the house, took the money and spent it on a deposit for a flat. If I d kept the house for just 3 more years it would have doubled in price. Verdict: Poorly advised Jack
Not turfing my mate PT out of the flat one night: Me and my mate PT took two girls, K L, back to the flat.
We knew them quite well and yes, they were both nice, but as it turned out we did not know them as well as we thought. We were 22. PT really fancied K whereas I just wanted one night stand, no strings sex and wasn t really fussy.
The main qualification for a girl to be eligible in them days was the possession of a pulse. Anyway they both wanted sex. With me .
.and each other!!
!! They let me know covertly that this was threesome time and that I should get rid of PT.
In a show of unbelievably stupid and naive loyalty I refused. K eventually bowed out. PT took the hint and went on his way.
L stayed and yes, we had a rare old time but in the back of my mind I knew the chance was gone. 2 weeks later GM (another mate) got the lucky option and saw it through. Yep, I ve lived with that spectacular own goal ever since.
Verdict: Idiotic Jack
Leaving the Southern Electricity Board to work for Lambeth Council: Indirectly if I hadn t done this then I wouldn t be where I am now. But this was all because I had a personality clash with Finch and Merwood when working at the SEB, two of the biggest Wankers it has ever been my misfortune to have worked for. Merwood worked for Finch, I worked for Merwood.
Finch was a balding, mockney twat with his backbone removed. Merwood was a twat who ran the department in an environment of fear. His backbone had evaporated years before.
Both of them fucking shafted me so I left for more money/status and ended up working for the corrupt and politically strangled Lambeth Council, where black and white people and equal size chips on each shoulder. I fucking hated working for Lambeth right from day one, but no way could I get back to the old place. I d gone from being well paid and living 6 miles from work via a road with no traffic lights or roundabouts on, to travelling 80 miles each way, either via the torture of Network South-East and London Fucking Transport, or driving for 90 minutes each way and dealing with the Wandsworth hell that is the one way system, street parking in Brixton and the A3 in general.
Lambeth was like a 3 year prison sentence in Broadmoor, full of absolute mentalists and knobbers. Merwood has since had several heart attacks and Finch was unceremoniously booted out. Proof, indeed, that you reap what you sew Verdict: Impatient Jack
Negotiating with the idiot outside the Nonna Rosa in Uxbridge: New Years Eve in 1984.
We decide as a group of couples to go out for a meal to the Nonna Rosa, an Italian restaurant in Uxbridge. As the disco started at around 11pm one of our party had got very drunk and popped a few tabs (I ve no idea what because E hadn t been invented then I don t think, but my suspicion is LSD). He started a fight with another group that spilled outside.
I stood in front of the main protagonist from the other group trying to calm him down, but all he kept doing was yelling abuse at me. I considered my options; he was 6 inches from me. I could nut him and put him down, or keep negotiating and calming him.
I took the second option, his mates who were holding him back let go, he hit me and with one single punch I was out cold. He couldn t have done better if he d held a mallet and hit me. As I came round, lying in the gutter in the pouring rain, new leather jacket scuffed, watch strap broken from the impact of hitting the deck, rage replaced reason, my lip and nose were swollen badly and I just wanted to kill there and then.
That s when his mates decided to hold me back and reason with me, whilst he jumped into a cab and fucked off. Wrong decision Glass Jaw Jack as Skank said to me the next day. Hit first, ask questions later Verdict : Naive Jack
Scene One: Jacks bedroom, Monday morning 05:55, 1 minute after alarm goes off Jack lies there listening in semi-conscious state to Wake up to Money .
the dulcet tones of Guy Ruddell and Mickey Clarke waft across the room. Jack has no idea what they re talking about, but they sound friendly and he has reached the age where he wants to wake with people talking to him rather than some talentless, witless, fucking smiley DJ playing the greatest hits of the 80 s 90 and today like the 60 s and 70 s never existed musically.
Deep inside the Cranium, the lights are dimly illuminated.
A group of dishevelled organisms sit at the front of a large console. These are the Numbskulls, for readers of it was well known that these were the pilots and engineers for all human beings. For anyone who never read The Beezer well that s your problem.
It was a comic from the 70 s, that in my life anyway, vied for position of King Comic with until I discovered Tiger (incorporating Scorcher), which was always going to win with a cast of Roy of The Rovers, Hot-Shot Hamish, Billys Boots and Johnny Cougar!
A conversation is taking place after the handover from the Dark Side Numbskulls . A frequently cruel and vindictive bunch who run the night shift inside Jacks brain, often creating visions of huge wealth, or fantastic superpowers, or great sexual conquests and replaying them to Jack whilst asleep, whilst always scheduling the finest moment for 1 second past the point of the alarm going off, and then not handing over the tape to the day shift for any chance of any resumption during the pre-ignition state (or dozing as I call it).
Because of them, I ll never actually get to shag Kylie they just won t finish the movie. Bastards nearly let me have Davina Fuckalltalent once though .Occasionally they are also tripped out on Numbskull recreational drugs, for that can be the only reason for the utterly fucked up collage of complete twisted bollocks they sometimes play back.
Number One: Now working at near normal levels Captain ..full recovery on schedule for later today.
Delay between thinking and acting will be elevated today as extra protection from making complete arse of himself again ..
Number One: Pulsing at around 62 per minute, pressure slightly elevated, but that s falling as we remove the remnants effect of Alcohol Storm Kylie .
Head of Engineering: usual general all over dull ache Captain, but unable to determine whether or not this is Guinness/Scotch related or just normal age related wear and tear. Joint clicking noise mechanism at full volume Sir, and nerve ends left in over-sensitive mode in order to protect from any more abuse today
Number One: Surprisingly, It seems OK Captain. It has been working at full capacity for most of the weekend though, as have the Kidneys although this did mean elevated temperature levels across the whole chassis .
Fuel Systems Chief: Ability to choose and consume and retain solids restored, er .waste disposal system well and truly cleared out Sir and seemingly in constant production all weekend ..
full waste liquidiser facility was activated in order to ensure no repeat sessions like Friday were likely .
Waste Disposal Manager: Yes, several times on Saturday, I believe the Oral Cleaning team have just completed the final removal of the carpet from the tongue and have soothed the vomitary acid burns in the throat area. Some work has been done to reduce the toxic fumes in that area.
Navigation Engineer: now able to focus without pain, although clear focus has been restricted because of age related lack of elasticity in the port side visual portal. A known situation thought sir ..
Capt JLP: Ok, ensure that he wears the vision rectification systems the tortoiseshell ones would be rather fetching today. How s the scalp protection system?
Security and Looks Engineer: At Grade 5 and looking completely shite.
Rapidly approaching Pom-pom status. Greying status still not active
Capt JLP: Ok get him to book a maintenance session on the Scalp Protection System. Recommend Grade 3.
Status of nasal and noise sensor systems?
Navigation Engineer: Noise sensor systems have slight ringing caused by loud singing and hefty doses of Rock music during early hours of Friday Severe blockage in left input/output system, partial blockage in right input/output system. Full discharge system now activated, brace yourselves.
Capt JLP: A bit more notice next time please Mr Engineer .and can you please try and co-ordinate your discharge system to avoid coinciding with bulk exhaust discharges.
Capt JLP: OK , we re in a good enough state for this weeks missions Number One .
.set course for bathroom and start early morning cleaning program .he might be old, but he s ours lets see what s out there
Apparently today the remains of a woman, who died aged 86 have been stolen from a grave in a village called Yoxall.
The perpetrators of this crime are alleged to be animal rights activists and have targeted this woman s family because they breed Guinea Pigs for the express purpose of selling them to a laboratory specialising in medical research. It is thought that the grave robbers now intend to dismember the remains and send them back to the family bit by bit. Nice huh?
Really classy! Or how about just plain old sick, demented and depraved.
Let s get something straight here, these aren t activists, they are terrorists.
They may not be beheading people or kidnapping them, but they re not too fucking far from doing this and surely it s only a matter of time before someone is kidnapped, tortured and maybe even killed in the name of animal rights. This leaves a bad taste in the mouth less than a week after was brutally murdered by extremists in
Far be it from me to start walking down
For my own view I don t think animals do have rights.
Rights can only be granted by beings that can rationalise, form concepts of justice, right, wrong, good and evil. As far as I know there are no animals that have awareness of such concepts. Our most treasured rights are also enshrined in law, laws are something that only humans can make and comply with or break.
Rights in the philosophical sense imply moral duties and obligations and so animals, which have no notion of any of these, do not have rights. They may be aware of their suffering but they are not aware of any violation of rights. However, I do believe that we as rational beings have a duty of responsibility towards animals, without assuming they have human traits.
I believe that unwarranted cruelty is morally wrong and that as humans we should not be able to apply cruel methods to animals, whether that be in sport (fox hunting covered off then) or food production (factory farming products of which I avoid if at all possible) and research for non-medical purposes (i.e cosmetics testing). But we should e able to eat meat that is garnered humanely, and control pests via efficient and humane methods.
I do believe that if medical research can use animals to discover cures for disease in humans then yes that is OK. If someone I loved could be cured by a treatment first discovered by using animals then I have no moral qualm about that whatsoever. I feel the same way about the use of as championed by the late , someone who was truly brave of heart.
I think the people who protest against animal cruelty have a noble cause, at least to them, but the method to choose is via legal protest, awareness campaigns and the fucking ballot box. Anything like what has been done today is terrorism. And there are no degrees of terrorism , just plain old using peoples fears to intimidate them.
The terrorist is a simpleton, a person who sees their cause as good and anyone not with them is against them. Therefore anybody is fair game and is on the side of bad . They then demonise the other side so that there is no compromise solution or anything good about them at all.
They are demented and perhaps society has a duty to eradicate them. The minute you become a terrorist is the minute you forfeit any human right at all.
Personally I hope they find these sick fuckers and put them in a grave, unmarked and silent.
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