Parents become the kids?
So why is it that parents get MORE difficult with age?When I was a kid, I thought my mom was a pain in the ass.
All the time she was asking me to do chores and lift heavy shit in the house. I don't know why she asked me all the time. After all, my brother was the same size as me, and now is actually a touch bigger than me.
Couldn't he do some of that shit?
I went to live with my dad at 15 1/2 (same age as Brittany is right now coincidentally) and while he had me doing chores, it was just that if I didn't do laundry or cook, I went naked and starved. That was tempered by the fact that I had the house all to myself two nights a week which I could use for drinking with friends, watching porn or having girls over.
But today was a perfect example of how things have changed and my parents become even MORE difficult. Seriously it has totally moved from them being the grown ups and protectors and me being the dependent kid to me being the grown up protector provider and them being the dependent kid.
Today I went to visit my dad.
He was in full blown whine mode because I haven't been up there in about 7 weeks or so, plus Brianna wasn't feeling well so she didn't go and clearly Brianna's his favorite grandkid. So there's the kid-like whining. Then he calls me back this morning and asks if I have any power tools.
Yeah, that's me...
power tool guy. Fuck that shit, I rent. I don't need power tools.
Well there's a problem with the doors under dad's deck and needs to cut part of the door and he doesn't have a saw. So I call and get a saws-all for the day from my ex's boyfriend (I knew there was a reason to be nice to him).
I get over there (making the 60 mile one way trip) and he's got the most crazy idea I've heard.
The guys hung the doors too close together, so they don't close all the way. He wants me to shave down the edges of the two boards with the saws-all. Is he serious?
? So I did it..
.and it looks like shit. Guess what?
The doors STILL DON'T SHUT!! Then he decides we have to go to Walmart to pick up some new brackets to "hang some things" Of course he makes me drive to Walmart.
..slacker.
So now we have to hang his new dart cabinet, a bunch of pictures and some little trinket case for him to put his police badges and medals into. Oh, then I had to cook dinner. Fuck me, I could have stayed home and done that work in my own place!
!! I'm surprised I didn't have to vacuum or something too.
And then, I got to drive the 60 miles back home at 7!!
I'm done being the grown up.
I want to go back to being the kid again. Now I'm going to go pout for a while.
PS - don't get me wrong, I love my dad.
I just didn't feel like doing all the work today. I should get paid for that shit. I should check out the will again and see what I'm getting.
A new housemate? So last night while I was trying to have a peaceful evening or relaxation after my shit work day, my phone rings.On the other end is my ex...
and she's not happy. I can tell because she has her "Not Happy" tone of voice, one I feared hearing for many years. Now the only dread I get from it is "which one of the kids fucked up?
"
Apparently last night Brittany decreed that she was moving out and coming to live with me. Of course this took her mother and myself by surprise. Mostly because at no point had Candi and I seriously discussed having Brittany come live with me.
I told Candi we could do that if there was a need, apparently she has been threatening Brittany with that.
Nearly an hour was spent with Brittany on the phone proclaiming she hates living with her mom, hates having to babysit and do chores and feels like she never gets to do anything she wants to do. Well here's an example of why Brittany doesn't get to do what she wants to do:
The Ex: Brittany, you just slammed the door on my arm!
Britt: Jesus move your stupid arm!!!
!
Hence that's why Brittany is now grounded and can't go to her girlfriend's house this weekend. How is it that WE are doing bad things to HER?
You can't call your mom stupid in any circumstance, never mind when it's your own neglectful actions that lead to the situation in the first place.
Which just brings me to the total conflict I'm having. There are pros and cons to having Brittany come live with me.
At NO point is it a matter if I want to be with Brittany full time, because I would want that...
if I thought it was the right thing for her. But as I've batted this around and talked to a few people about it, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be the best thing for her. I sat down and made a list (in full Miss Minda style) of the pros and cons:
Pros:
- Consistent discipline and guidance.
Something that is severely lacking in my ex's house. In fact, there is NO structure whatsoever.
- Brittany would have more time for herself without having to watch the other kids or take care of any pets.
- She'd get to go to a better school district. The teachers are better, the facilities are better and the school is a 5 minute walk from my apartment complex.
- She wouldn't be in a constant battle with her mother over every little thing.
I don't tolerate the same kind of crap her mom does, so the fights would be much fewer because I don't argue with her. My decisions are final and while she does push like any teenager, she only makes a token effort because she knows when I mean business.
Cons:
- There wouldn't be enough supervision.
Brittany would be home at 2:30 pm, I don't get home from work until at least 6 pm most nights, sometimes as late a 9-10 pm. She has yet to prove that she can be trusted to be left alone regularly.
- She will fight some of the rules with me, just like she does with her mom.
While they won't be as loud and public, she'll likely resent how much more stern I am with her than her mom and probably want to go move back with her mom after a few months.
- Having her there would SEVERELY cramp my lifestyle. Now before you say so, I understand I am a parent and it's my job to think kids first, but I have a life and I like it and I'm not sure I'm ready to give it up.
- Britt will struggle in the new school. She struggles now in the school that has lower standards and doesn't give them the volume of work that my school district does. If she's struggling for C's in her lower standard school, what's she going to get in the new, harder school?
And will getting bad grades in a good school do much for her self-confidence which is already low?
- Financially, I can't take on the expense of having Brittany on my own. And if you think her mom is going to part with a single penny, you're out of your mind.
I pay a princely sum for child support every month and I would have to keep that in order to pay for the expense of having a growing teenage daughter living with me full time. After all, those same expenses are why I pay so much to her mom in the first place. Besides, her mom needs that money just to get by, if I take money back, she's going to be in trouble financially.
- I don't think it's sending Brittany the right message. If she comes and lives with me now, it's just teaching her to run away from her problems or from people she doesn't get along with. I don't want to teach her that lesson.
I want her to learn to face her problems and learn how to solve them or learn to live with them. Moving her in with me doesn't solve the problem, it just shows her it's ok to run away when life gets tough.
Tonight I'm going to have to have a conversation with the two of them and try and figure this thing out.
Seriously it's getting out of hand when I have to referee their fights at 10 pm and try to keep the peace in their house as well as my own.
This topic is open for discussion..
.fire away..
.what do you think?
Is the grass greener? You know the cliche..."the grass is always greener". The funny thing about cliches, while they have become a joke in our society, they often hold a lot of truth in them.
This one is particularly relevant to me and my life because I have spent a good chunk of time wishing for things that were different than what I had. I was the personification of that cliche and now that I look back on it, I realize how foolish I was to think of I changed certain things in life that I would be magically happy.
As I talk to people, both in my everyday life and as I read what people write in blogs and books, I become alarmed with how many people are filled with the false belief that by changing external things, they'll be happier.
Some of them are so superficial. I remember in my youth how having a head of thick brown hair was so hot and I wished for a shorter haircut or to have thinner hair so it wouldn't be so hot in the summer or during sports. Well now I'm fighting to rescue survivors of the hair war, wishing I was back to the days of having too much hair.
.(on my head).
When I was in my early 20's, I used to complain that my 6 foot tall 155 lb frame looked skinny and gangly with my long arms and legs.
Now at 215 lbs, I'm wondering what happened with that skinny guy and cursing the day I discovered my love of hot wings and cold beer.
I am alarmed by how much people think outside influences affect their everyday lives. Married people piss and moan about how they would be having so much more fun or getting so much more sex if they were single.
Well guess what? It's NOT TRUE! Now instead of having to take out the trash and fold the laundry to get sex, you have to drop $100 in a night on dinner, movies and drinks after just to get a CHANCE for sex.
..which in the end may suck.
Or if you're a woman, instead of having to peel your husband away from the football game to get some attention, you have to wade through crowds of loser guys who want to give you too much attention; any kind of attention to get into your pants just to get the same crap sex you could be getting at home from your husband.
The list goes on and on and on..
.and here's a few examples of things I've noticed:
- People in high stress jobs wish for fewer hours and a more serene work environment. People in low stress, low demand jobs are bored out of their skulls and are wishing for something to happen to keep them engaged in their work.
- People without children are dropping tons of money on fertility treatments, specialists and adoptions. People who have children are just begging for some time away and will often beg, borrow and steal for the chance to have a few hours without hearing "MOMMY!!
!" or "DADDY!"
- People who are in charge and have lots of responsibility are looking for ways to get out of it, delegate as much as possible.
People with no power complain that they can't make a difference and that if they were in charge, things would be so much different.
- People who have a clingy spouse wish that the person would find some strength and independence so they can do things on their own. People with a fiercely independent spouse complain that they aren't feeling needed or treasured.
- People who wear their heart out on their sleeve constantly lament about how they are so vulnerable and how everyone keeps hurting them or abusing their feelings, wishing they could toughen up and hide some things. People who internalize a great deal and refuse to be open quietly think they'd be happier if they were more emotionally available.
So what's my point in all this?
That all those things you're wishing that you are, or wishing that you had, they won't make a big difference. Your happiness and outlook on life don't come from what you have or the superficial things you are or do. Happiness is going to come from deep inside yourself and if you have that happiness, you won't feel the need to wish for what you aren't, or what you don't have.
That happiness will be there in spite of any of the perceived shortcomings either in yourself or in your situation. Making those changes won't bring you happiness, they'll only bring you different sets of problems.
Remember.
..the grass is always greener.
..but the shit still needs mowing.
Have you nothing else in life? Over the weekend I watched some developments on another blog site (which shall remain nameless) and I was noticing some interesting things that have gone on with the management of the site.
The site owner, chief code writer, moderator and all around site know-it-all has been gone offline for several months. During that time, the site has had a number of problems with response time, availability and a proliferation of spam and porno sites which a violations of the site's terms of service.
At the end of last week, the site owner returned like a neglectful father with an arm load of presents for the children that have heard not a word from him since the end of the last school year.
Of course he was greeted with praise and open arms, except for a few who felt slighted by his absence, silence and apparent disinterest in the community he helped build.
I watched this with glee as something similar happened when I was over at Modblog. Similar.
..hell it was just about exactly the same thing.
The owner returned there, threw a few bones to the masses and disappeared again. That site is now the equivalent to a cyberspace jalopy..
.it runs sometimes, some people still are so desperate to hold on to it's previous glory and continue to try and make it work.
The new latest subject that has people in a lather at the new site is an updating of the community leaders, or team leaders, or moderators.
..whatever you want to call them.
The site owner is giving the access to moderate boards, disable log ins and blogs, etc.
With these changes, certain people have clamored, begged, and whored themselves to become one of the new community leaders. It is just so ridiculous to me that I have to literally laugh out loud.
Certain users have been upgraded to this new status and just can't wait to show it off. For example, one user wrote about how she was opening up her own blog on her own domain. One of these fabulous new leaders just had to take the opportunity to show off his newly acquired skills by posting this in her comments:
"Do you not want your **** blog?
If so we can remove it for you?"
Read this to mean "Hey, I have some access to new stuff and I can't WAIT to put it to use to show that I am some kind of big swinging dick on the Internet." What I see it as is "I have no life outside of the net, no power in my job, my home or my family, so I'm going to brag about all this new found power on a website!
Oh, and I have a small penis!" Another one of these new leaders has started blogging all about his personal ideas for what he wants for the site and how the owner is listening to him and taking his "ideas to heart". Please.
This same person has made a very nice new ribbon proclaiming his new "role" I think I shall create a ribbon of my own. Maybe it'll say "Phil McCracken - Supreme Ruler of the World Wide Web." Yeah, that would make me feel good about myself.
If I ever become like one of those people, I would ask that one of my readers...
anyone...
just smash my head in with a blunt instrument. I'd rather be the next Terri Schiavo than to live a life that's so empty that I have to brag about being a website moderator like I had just developed the cure for cancer.
Singing in the workplace? I sooooooooooooooooooo hate my job this morning. Below is an email I just got from my boss:"As we're two weeks in, T as requested our help with a "half time" show for the new sales promotion.
So folks, since I'm in, you're in too! Attached is our song that we'll perform tomorrow during Phil's break from training (bet you thought you weren't going to have to play!)"
The chorus to this awful song is "Do do do do do do do do – YAHOO!
" about 6 times.
I need out of this place. Why oh WHY did I just apply for a promotion?
!?!
? Not that it matters, I probably won't get it anyway so then I can start burning my paid time off going on job interviews.
Another work decision I've made is that if I don't get this job, I'm going to ask to have my job re-leveled, which is my company's snazzy way of saying that they are going to reevaluate my base salary.
My job description is now 6 years old and only about 40% of it is still applicable to the work I'm doing today, especially since we got bought out 2 years ago. I'm doing more work, being responsible for more different areas of the business and I just plain deserve more cash.
Stay tuned.
..
Little of this, little of that It's been a long day today to say the least, but since I've been trying to make myself blog a bit, I'll give you just a few tidbits from my day today.I was up far too early because Brianna's soccer tournament was today. It's her last tourney of the season so I couldn't be a slacker dad and not go.
This just meant that I had to be up to the field for a bit past 9 a.m. On a Saturday.
On a cold Saturday. With her mom. Screaming.
Loudly. Regularly. The only good point to that cold part of the morning was when one of 'Anna's friends brought her half German Shepard/half Chow mix dog named Jazz to the game.
She's a big sweetly who sat on my feet and kept them warm all morning. Of course, I hated the way they to go out, but it's not my dog. Why do people dress dogs?
It's so silly. I have teased my dad, my ex and TC about it (who also got to hear just a tiny portion of my ex being a spastic soccer mom) but everyone keeps dressing their pets!!
What's next, Prada for Pups?
Around 2 p.m.
, the tourney got over. Brianna's team went 2-1-2 for the tourney to finish in fourth place. She was pretty disappointed with that, but I reminded her that they only lost 3 games out of 19 this year, so she has nothing to feel bad about, especially with this being her first year.
Tonight I met up with my sister for her 21st birthday party. I didn't realize when she invited me that we were going to be going to a shitty local bar that I HATE! She also failed to mention that she'd be bringing some of the oddest people I've ever met.
One girl happened to be the ex-g/f of her current b/f who's pregnant by some other guy. Sound confusing? It is.
Then there was some emo chick who kept talking about how she was going to hook up with my sister later. UMMMM HELLLLLOOO? Can you not throw yourself right in front of me?
Especially with those God awful spacers in your ears...
they look like I should be threading a bolt through them. And that doesn't even address the septum piercing. Yeah, I'm good thanks.
All of a sudden, my sister walks up to me after I just bought a beer and says "Yeah, we're all leaving. See ya!" FUCK.
..I mean I wanted to get out of there, but I had just bought this beer!
Someday that girl is going to learn some manners...
she could have warned me that she'd be leaving before I made a trip to the bar. So here I am, home way earlier than I planned.
Last but not least.
..a few minor changes to the bloggy blog over in the sidebar.
Nothing earth shattering, but some widgets I found interesting. Stop me if you don't care. Shit.
...
there go all the hands being raised.
Alright, so that's it..
.remember that Ask McCracken is rolling strong..
.check it out. Maybe you'll get a laugh.
Or maybe it'll just reaffirm that you think I'm a jackass.
You wonder why I'm like this?
You know, sometimes people say "Phil, why are you so harsh sometimes?" Some of it's my personality, but some of it has to do with the people I'm around all day.
Here are a few of my workplace conversations today:
----------------
Phil McCrack: Wow, I was gone for like 3 seconds.
How did 4 people call and leave voice mails?
Babs: You're wanted..
.*swings her keys on her AC/DC key chain*
PM: *breaks into a stirring rendition of Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead or Alive*
Babs: Oh god..
.how can you listen to Bon Jovi? *keeps swinging AC/DC chain*
PM: I had no choice.
I went to the record store and some asshole bought the last AC/DC disc.
----------------
PM: No, I don't think it's too much to ask people to sign up now for vacation time to be taken in January and February. It's not like you're asking for them to pick all of next year.
Scheduler Girl: I know, but people keep complaining about it. I'm just trying to make things less stressful for everyone! *she is intently picking off every little bit of lint off of her right breast, not the top, right at the nip.
.making the nip start to poke out*
PM: If you want to make my life less stressful, you can quit playing with your boob in my office.
SG: Hush, you love it.
PM: Not really. Your boobs aren't that nice. I dare you to go to HR and tell them I said that.
----------------
PM: Hmm...
I heard that K couldn't come to work because someone in her neighborhood got shot and now here 15 year old daughter is "traumatized".
Ellen: Yeah, I don't know if that was her best excuse for skipping work. It's either that one or "I can't work because I have a very painful canker sore".
PM: Ohh..that's a toughie.
I'm going with the canker story...
simply for the complete lack of pride that it takes to call in with that one.
----------------
PM: Hey Kaiser, here is the details for ticket #1234 to fix the website.
Kaiser: Whoa, this is a really big problem.
Can you call the help desk and get the ticket #?
PM: Yeah, I know. That's why the ticket # was in the last sentence I sent.
----------------
See how I can get sarcastic at times???
Some of these really make me go "huh?".
Google:
- Washing Jucking board (from Barbados)
- Dr Phil McCracken Fossil (Syndey, Australia)
- Phil McCracken (Stuttgart, Germany, Hamilton, Ontario, New Haven, Connecticut, Melbourne, Australia, Manassas, Virginia, Milan, Italy, Calgary, Alberta, London, England)
- Types of Drunks (Dallas, Texas, Perth, Australia, Toronto, Ontario)
- Colorardo School Shooting (Atlanta, Georgia)
- GIRLFRIEND.
..see you soon Kelley (Ottawa, Ontario)
- Birthdays free (Macedonia)
- World of Warcraft Blossy (Luton, UK)
- Funny soccer parents (Olympia, Washington)
- April 15 birthdays (Germany)
Yahoo:
- Katie Couric Thong Pics (Cheyenne, Wyoming)
- Phil McCracken (Jersey City, New Jersey)
MSN:
- one day a girl and a boy were riding a motorcycle and he told her to take off his helmet (Trenton, Florida)(holy long search string huh?
)
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