March 6th, 2007 at 11:00 by Stuart Heritage
Simon Cowell has built up something of a reputation for speaking his mind - so when Britney Spears went berserk, shaved her hair off, wrote 666 on her head, called herself the devil and attempted suicide, guess what Simon Cowell did.
That s right - he publicly fretted about the mental well-being of Britney Spears and visited her in rehab with a lovely big bunch of flow no, of course that didn t happen. What actually happened was that Simon Cowell lashed out at Britney Spears, saying that she was only being fashionable and that he couldn t care less about how many cars Britney Spears lances with an umbrella while claiming to be the fiery overlord of all that is evil.
Basically Simon Cowell said exactly the same thing about Britney Spears as hecklerspray said yesterday, but in a camper voice and a pair of trousers pulled up to his armpits. And granny teeth.
Simon Cowell has made his fortune by basically sighing loudly and saying that all wannabe singers are awful wankers who may as well stuff their heads down a waste disposal unit for being such pointless wastes of skin.
That s actually not much of an exaggeration - over the course of the last two seasons of American Idol, and seemed to take a lot of enjoyment from . So huge is Simon Cowell s capability for insults that he even a bit, although everything he says tends to be backed up by the claim that he s just saying what the public is thinking.
So, with that in mind, Simon Cowell has done you all a favour and voiced your own opinion on Britney Spears for you.
Britney Spears - for those of you who are new - used to be a famous pop singer until she . At that point , used her mouth to instead of sing, went , had a and went to rehab, only to scrawl the number 666 across her bald head and flail around the treatment centre screaming wildly about being the Antichrist before with some of her bed. And, this, according to The Mirror, is how Simon Cowell says you feel about Britney Spears loopy breakdown - with a few potshots aimed at similarly for good measure:
ldquo;It rsquo;s very fashionable to be in rehab.
This whole thing is a total indulgence. Britney and Robbie need to get a grip. We rsquo;ve allowed these people to feel sorry for themselves.
I don rsquo;t know what rsquo;s going on in Britney rsquo;s head but my attitude is I couldn rsquo;t care less. She should go back and live with her mum for six months Pop stars these days just get too much too soon. They don t actually have to work that hard for it and they lose their perspective.
I mean Britney Spears is not working in a coal mine is she? You are whisked to the studio in a very large limo, you are flown around in a private jet, everyone will agree with you and physically making an album is a doddle.
Now these comments are bound to draw ire from Britney Spears angry remaining fans - who ll no doubt say things like I hope Simon Cowell never has the misfortune to shave off his hair, paint the number 666 on his head and run around a room full of drug addicts screaming at the top of his voice about how he is actually God s arch-enemy and the most evil entity in all of creation before trying to hang himself with a bedsheet, because we ll be right here waiting - and far be it for us to say that those people are wrong.
But, Simon, there s a job here waiting for you at hecklerspray as soon as this whole being a millionaire TV superstar thing falls through, OK?
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