MALIBU - The next time Britney Spears is allowed out in public without a muzzle, she may not have her Chihuahua Bit-Bit for company, unless she stays more than five hours in rehab this time. Early Wednesday evening two animal control officers from Los Angeles County's Agoura shelter confiscated the underfed Bit-Bit after surprising Ms. Spears in the large-appliance box in which she had been living on a Malibu beach.
MALIBU - Britney Spears completed another successful one-day stint in rehab yesterday. After spending a restful night in the Christian Slater suite at Promises-by-the-Sea, chatting with friends on her cell phone and ordering in pizza, the one-time pop star summoned a car service at 8:00 a.m.
and headed for the nearest tattoo parlor, apparently forgetting that people seeking tattoos are not the earliest risers in the barn. MALIBU - Britney Spears, bald as a baby's bum, arrived at the posh celebrity retreat Promises-by-the-Sea yesterday. Ms.
Spears, who laughed that she was "nekkid from head to toe, all y'all," explained to reporters that she had shaved her head and other parts of her body because her estranged husband, Kevin Federline, had threatened to subpoena her hair for a drug test. MALIBU - Britney Spears took time from orchestrating her personal makeover to warn fans not to buy "relics" of her hair on eBay. The eccentric pop star, who raised eyebrows by shaving hers recently, posted the following message on her website at 3:15 a.
m. today. MALIBU - Britney Spears is hell bent on becoming the Caucasian answer to Mike Tyson.
Just as Iron Mike took a sledge hammer to his boxing career, reducing himself from puncher to punch line, Ms. Spears seems intent on shitting the bed at every turn. HOLLYWOOD, Fla.
- Anna Nicole Smith was spotted by a grieving fan at a local convenience store early this morning. Ms. Smith, who died on February 8 at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, was seen approaching the ATM at the Winn-Dixie store in the Emerald Woods Plaza.
NORTH POLE - An emergency Council of Supreme Beings session determined yesterday that the soul of recently departed celebrity Anna Nicole Smith had failed to qualify for an eternal reward. According to a source present at the meeting, the soul of Ms. Smith, who died last week of a lethal combination of drugs, alcohol, and stupidity, "will have to seek lesser accommodations.
" HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - Anna Nicole Smith was found "unresponsive" by her private nurse in a Florida hotel room on Thursday. The thirty-nine-year-old celebrity was taken to a hospital where she later died.
O.J. Simpson does not believe she died of natural or pharmaceutical causes.
NEW YORK - Jessica Simpson told Elle magazine that the music of German composer Klaus Harmony was "the tripping point" in her relationship with her ex-husband Nick Lachey. In an interview that appears in the March issue of Elle, Ms. Simpson said that discovering Mr.
Harmony's music "opened me up to the possibilities of life and allowed me to breathe. Suddenly I had the courage to admit to myself that marriage was a scam." BEVERLY HILLS - Tomorrow morning at six o'clock Katie Holmes will emerge from her bunker in Tom Cruise' mansion in Beverly Hills.
Wearing only a full-length body stocking and unaccompanied for the moment by Posh Spice Beckham, she will stand facing east, arms held loosely at her sides, and hold her breath for ten seconds. She will be observed carefully by Mr. Cruise and several other elders in the Church of Scientology.
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