What Sucks…Hollywood’s 1st Major Suck-Off of 2007: “Catch And Release” V. “Music And Lyrics”
As they often do, Hollywood studios strategically time their film releases in an effort to steal each other’s thunder, and whenever possible, box office momentum. It’s a calculated game of cat and mouse, and right now Warner Brothers and Columbia, with their upcoming releases of “Music And Lyrics” and “Catch and Release” , are taking this chess match, normally reserved for decent films, into the late-January “shit film” dumping ground.
Not since 1999’s release of “The Other Sister” and “Bicentennial Man” has Hollywood competed so transparently for your “crap dollar”.
Let’s look at the tale of the tape for these two shit-burgers.
By releasing two horrific looking romantic comedies at this time both studios are gambling.
Columbia gambles that by releasing Catch And Release first, America will not realize it’s crap season, and will go see the film in large numbers. They are giving up the Valentine’s Day opening and thus will not compete directly with Warner Bros. who release “Music And Lyrics” on that day.
However, they run the risk of America actually figuring out that Catch and Release is indeed shit, and thus shunning it. It’s a ballsy move by Columbia’s execs, but one that could potentially be seen as brilliant as the film has the “shit romantic comedy” market cornered for as long as 2 weeks.
Warner Bros.
on the other hand is gambling that America will want a “shit romantic comedy” that is brand new on Valentine’s Day- however, they also roll the dice by offering it in the form of a Drew Barrymore/ Hugh Grant turd. One thing in its favor however is that American men have all pretty much written off the idea of going to a decent movie on Valentine’s Day. They are just looking to survive the made-up holiday and get through it with minimal discomfort.
They expect to go see shit, picked out by their girlfriends, with little or no control over the film. If sitting through a movie, even as bad as either one of these films, kills 90 minutes of Valentine’s Day night, then so be it.
Warner Bros.
is gambling on the American male. They are betting that he puts his foot down and tells his girlfriend there’s “No fucking way I’m going to see Catch And Release” 2 weeks before February 14th. Warner Bros.
is betting the farm that no American male will see Catch And Release until their film “Music and Lyrics” is out- and then, they are betting that the “new” movie, theirs, will be the one chosen. It’s putting a lot of faith in American males, but they obviously feel, they won’t be let down.
Broken down to simplest forms, the gamble becomes, does America go see “Catch And Release” first, suffer through that mind numbing piece of garbage and then go back AGAIN for more shit in the form of “Music And Lyrics”?
If the answer is yes, Catch wins, if the answer is no, it’s M L.
Will American men let that happen? Columbia in a way is saying "yes", in a sense, American men are pussies and will see both films.
A risk for Warner Bros. because they know, if you see "Catch And Release", there’s no way you’re gonna see “Music And Lyrics”.
Either way, Hollywood has ushered in a new season.
It was very close- but it looks as if the final results are in and here they are…
With FOUR total votes in, (over 3 ½ days, you guys must be exhausted!
) the results seem show GLOBAL WARMING, with 2, just barely eeking out a victory against the IRAQ WAR with 1.5 (I’m splitting the vote where a dude wanted to vote for Rosie O’Donnell having sex with an Iraqi) to be the suckiest thing in 2006. Good thing you didn’t have to win by two.
Here’s the final tally:
Global Warming- 2
The Iraq War: 1.5
Rosie O’Donnell having sex: .5
Congrats Global Warming.
Currently, he's the head writer for the 2006 Video Game Awards. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.
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