The worst kind of make-out music is make-out music that announces: “Welcome to my lair. The petting will commence after the bridge.” When I had a make-out music kind of life, about a decade ago, if anyone had broken out Barry White or the Loofah – as in Vandross – I would have escaped out the bathroom window.
The key is to tap into the lascivious vibe of great musicians without being obvious: Yes, Marvin Gaye, but not Sexual Healing. Yes, Prince, but not Head. The other key is that there is no key.
The best example of this is the legendary scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High where Damone counsels Ratner: “When it comes to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.” (Rat plays Kashmir by mistake and doesn’t get laid, naturally.) Anyone with a hard and fast rule – “Mark my words, gentlemen: The ladies loooove the ODB” – is going to come up against the woman who has her own I Hate Robert Plant website.
My advice: pay attention to the other listener. What’s she all about, and how does that translate into music? But even if she’s a tree planter, don’t play any Gillian Welch-style, underfed-dustbowl-children folk music.
That’s just wrong. Doesn’t the retro remind you of high school? Although maybe that’s not so bad: I can remember riding the bus to my girlfriend’s house listening to Bon Scott-era AC/DC.
Yeah, I wouldn’t mind hearing that again. Jazz won’t work for me unless I buy into the dark side of the artist. Miles Davis’s Tribute to Jack Johnson is a guarantee, but the rest is just too nice.
Beat the cheese by going in another direction. Choose obscure songs by familiar voices; dig deep for album cuts by the Animals, Johnny Thunders, Roky Erickson. The Stones’ Memo From Turner is a good one.
My Iron Lung, from Radiohead’s The Bends, can complicate your life as well. (Speaking of The Bends, play from 2:12 to 2:48 of the title track, the part when Thom Yorke murders the melody. It doesn’t matter who you are with when that comes on – you will love them in that moment.
) If the afternoon is the time, I think you go with found songs. Choose samples that match your headspace. Drop all that fake-ass R B and up the ante with Ice Cube’s AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted.
(Granted, it takes a special person to tolerate I’m Only Out for One Thang. ) Get foreplay out of the way if you plan on getting involved with Massive Attack’s Mezzanine. From the second the first notes kick in, romance needs to be replaced with extreme intent.
And by the time Teardrop starts, nobody should be smiling. :) In the end, I’m with Damone. If the girl can’t get into Zeppelin’s untitled fourth, then perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.
Can you imagine sliding down the couch with the one you want while Rush’s 2112 Overture howls through the speakers? Girl repellent. That said, if you’re looking for a little Can-Con there are a few good ways to go.
New or long-standing love: Broken Social Scene or Feist. You mean it, though you’re distracted by the day and feeling alone: Simon Wilcox. It’s the last time you are going to make out with this person because you are angry: the most recent Foo Fighters.
It has coldness running all through it. The band C’mon is good if you are friends who feel like soulmates. Of course Sarah Harmer, but that’s also because I have an unquenchable thirst for her.
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Actually, if you really want to make the night dark and perfect, you HAVE to go with Neil Young’s Tonight’s the Night. If your partner can get lost in that..
. they can get lost in you. It’s also a really nice album for afterwards.
I’m not sure anything beats holding someone in your arms when the guitars hit in the dead centre of Lookout Joe – unless it’s “C’mon baby, let’s go downtown,” the all-encompassing lyric that transfers you to another place. God, it’s like making out in the back of a rundown movie theatre in a small Texas town with someone you met that day..
.. Uh, perhaps I’ve said too much.
:) But please, remember you only need to makeout to Canadian music 35 per cent of the time. Meet the quota, then you can go back to kissing to NWA’s F--k Tha Police. Make-out music - the director's tool.
It's about providing rhythm if your partner is challenged. It's about driving the desired make-out flavour: Aggressive, romantic, sentimental, sexy, fun. Contrived maybe, but very effective.
In any case, I too loved Portishead in the nineties. Interestingly enough, today I tend to find the music distracting. Although if Miles Davies were to suddenly appear (appropriate lighting et.
al.)in the walk-in closet playing a selection of his 1960's best..
. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
I can clearly remember the very first time I heard Lovage-Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By. Despite the overtly obvious name, this is definitely an album to add to your getting' it on collection.
Comprised of Mike Patton, Jennifer Charles and Kid Koala (with other appearances) Lovage puts out a seductive, sensual and romantic album. If you haven't heard it already, pick up some champagne, strawberries and a copy today. You won't be disappointed.
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S. security watch list, saying the U.S.
alone will decide who to let into the country.
and shut down highways across the region.
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