Blowing Smoke: A movie about poker, cigars, women, and getting screwed: Web Archive

I didn't say it, this gentleman did:
His name is Donnie Davies, and seems to be down at the moment for some reason, but has this excerpt from it:

I've been researching for many years now and feel I've come up with a very strong program to help cure people of Homosexuality. Its called the C.H.

O.P.S program and We're running full steam ahead with it.

C.H.O.

P.S stands for: C.H.

O.P.S also happens to stand for what he still wants to get splatted in, no matter how much scripture he quotes.

Or how about:
* P: (for) Pussy?
* S: [long, long pause] Sure..

.
P.S.

A while back my old buddy E.W. Munson had .

And too. Actually, pretty much .
God, Inc is a YouTube hit which features my longtime online fave, .

It's basically The Office set at God's corporate office, without the cringeworthy moments and David Brentisms. Here's a sample of dialogue between Stee's character, Austin, and a new girl named Sarah.

Sarah: What department are you in?

Sarah: You mean like seeing Jesus's face in a tortilla? The latest episode: Who Stole God's Lunch?
I don't agree with everything Mark Cuban does and says, but I'm loving .

Money quote:

Here is my advice T the C. Move your blog to a unique URL. Write something personal.

Explain to us why you don't like to shake hands. Explain to us why you think Rosie is fat, but you aren't. Explain to us the virtues of Trump Ice water.

Why we should subscribe to the new Trump Magazine. Why we should buy Trump suits. Why we should buy Trump The Fragrance.

Or better yet, you could explain why in the world you would put your name on some of these things. Donald, let me just tell you that its a whole lot easier to say whats on your mind on YOUR blog than have to freak out and call every talk show in America ranting about Rosie. That is if your time is valuable.

As Cuban says, Trump clearly doesn't understand the web. Then again, should we expect that level of understanding from a man who thinks no one can tell he's bald?
Yeah, I know, that's like taking modesty tips from Britney Spears, but some of made me laugh.

What celebrity would have to pay you to have sex with them? Paris Hilton, and she'd not only have to pay me, she'd have to cover all my medical expenses. How can I turn my casual fuck-buddy into a relationship?

Watch TV together instead of fucking. That's basically a normal relationship.
How can I pick up a gossip blogger?

I've heard that with Perez Hilton, all you need are some party favors and a tight ass.

Here's what happened when CBS stopped worrying that YouTube was going to "steal" their viewers, and :

They uploaded 300 clips, which got 29.2 million views in a month, averaging 857,000 per day.

They also note an increase in audience for shows that are doing well on YouTube: David Letterman up 200,000, Craig Ferguson up 100,000.

Gosh, you mean that the web can actually promote offline business? Who'da thunk it?

(Try a hell of a lot of people, who have been beating this drum for years.)
I guess that right about now, all you guys in America are eating turkey, planting your faces in giant bowls of stuffing, or contemplating your twelfth piece of pumpkin pie. (Go for it!

) If the prospect of returning to work after the long holiday weekend is already getting you down, perhaps you should consider some innovative ways to make money and avoid work. Why not take a leaf out of this ?

A worker who was fired from an IBM research facility for accessing a chat room that included sexually explicit content during work hours on a work machine is suing the company, claiming that it needed to be more sensitive to his internet chat addiction, which he claims is a disability just like drug or alcohol addiction.

He notes that IBM offers treatment programs for such things, but didn't offer a treatment program for his internet chat addiction -- which he claims is a form of "self-medication" to deal with post traumatic stress syndrome from his time in Vietnam. Oh, and of course, the firing added to his problems, which means he believes IBM should pay him $5 million for his troubles..

.

If I got fired for reading Blowing Smoke at work, I'd claim I was addicted to ___________.

Hint: It's a lot less fun if your suggestion is complimentary, but sadly predictable if it's just plain nasty.

Depending on your perspective, has either reached a sick new low or is aiming for a hot new high:

We are looking for a handful of real schoolgirls who want to become famous by taking their clothes off! We will give you your own website just like mine, with a blog so you can make updates as often and as easily as you like. This offer is only open to genuine schoolgirls who want to become models and celebrities.

The maximum age for entry is 18 years of age (remember, the legal age for publishing photos in the UK is 16) and you must be currently studying at a school in the UK...

we are only intersted in real schoolgirls...

Who knows, you could be the next big thing!

So who's ? In a nutshell, she was the rather plain nurse whose boyfriend - a famous British TV host - got embroiled in rape rumors.

A homemade sex tape of Abi having sex with a female escort came to light, and she quickly dumped the nursing job (and her boyfriend) to make money with her clothes off. Abi recently made a stab at being respectable, but seeing the kind of she's made to sell on her new site, I'm guessing that's been abandoned as a hopeless cause. I wouldn't want any daughter of mine to emulate her, but for some reason I think she's a cool chica and I would totally hang out with her.

Set your Tivo for the wee hours of Friday night/Saturday morning, because Rob Zombie actually knows what he's doing. TCM Underground is his weekly show where he gets to play Robert Osborne as directed by Satan, and he throws out weird flicks that don't get played much on TCM or anywhere else.
This week's movie was Sisters (1973), which, despite some shaky performances and a budget of about 53 bucks and a plate of sandwiches, is the only Brian De Palma movie I've ever really liked.

As opposed to being expected to like. I don't want to give away too much of the plot, because I defy anybody watching it for the first time to predict what's going to happen from one scene to the next. But it's got a very young, very hot Margot Kidder doing a sexy French accent, another terrific actress named Jennifer Salt (who I've never seen in anything else, but she's now a writer for Nip/Tuck!

), a creepy Bernard Hermmann score, and the WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVAR. The typical Hitchcock stuff is glaring but not annoying, and De Palma adds a lot of his own inventive little touches. Once Hollywood started throwing money at him, it all went downhill, I guess.

So put Sisters in your Netflix queue, and hey, you're welcome.
The has some cool stuff. Really fun trailers.

I'm bummed that I missed Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Next week's movie is Electra Glide in Blue, with Robert Blake playing a nutty guy with a gun. No way.
I'm off to Cairo to walk like an Egyptian for the week, but I'll leave you with t :

The audience formerly known as the audience is now meeting up and having parties.

explains the basic idea. Four Internet activists—Zack Exley (who ran the Kerry Internet campaign), Josh Hendler, Mave Gibson and Madeline Stanionis—created where fans of BattleStar Galactica could organize parties for watching the season premiere. ("Frak" is an expletive used in the show.

) Strangers got together in over 100 parties, in part because the series' producer noticed the blogging about it and promoted it in his blog.

Yes, it's geeky, but it's also making me want to finish watching the Battlestar Galactica pilot I abandoned months ago, and catch up on the rest of the series (which my fiancé loves).
Go to , click the "Make Prime Speak" link, and type in your legendary catchphrase that might just come out of Optimus Prime's voice.

.. unit.

.. deal.

If you win, you get, er, a t-shirt? Oh, and your line will be used in the movie. So that's pretty cool.

I gave it a lot of thought, and here's the one I sent in:

"Hey baby, wanna watch while I tighten my nuts?"

I'm gonna need some ointment for these blisters on my feet, 'cause I just ran away with this bitch.
Luke Y Thompson, who came to a screening of Blowing Smoke in LA last year and who reviews films for various outlets, is a nice guy.

I like him. That said, I think his post about a may just qualify as the geekiest movie post ever. I thought the last line was the best:

UPDATE: I checked the imdb, and this was NOT listed among the "goofs.

" I submitted it just now.

THEN I read the comments. Oh, Lord:

[P]rior to the THX remasters, Oola apparently had a little nip slip, but I could never actually catch it, possibly because the copy of the oiriginal Fox VHS tape I have is pan scan.

I think it's cool to be so into something and not give a shit if people know that you're not just messing around, you actually care about it. The thing about Star Wars, though, is..

.it's just not geeky enough. I mean, I had Star Wars sheets when I was a kid, and I've never even seen any of the films.

Sure, the sheets were hand-me-downs from my older brother, but even he's not a geek - he lives in Texas, drives a big truck, and plays actual sports, for God's sack.
So, I'm very sorry, Luke, but your blog entry does not actually meet the standard of geekiest movie post ever. Keep trying, dude.

First they humiliated her by pointing out that James Frey rivals the Kentucky Derby in . Now they've got a against some poor dope named Patrick Crowe who's running an "Oprah for President" campaign. ( ) The guy's a 69-year-old retired schoolteacher from Kansas City.

Sounds like a real problem.

Crowe, a fan who believes a future Winfrey campaign would change the face of American politics, also drives a 1959 Ford with the license plate OPRAH8 and maintains a toll-free hotline, 1-866-OPRAH-08. Though he sells his book ($29.

47), an Oprah for President t-shirt ($22.47), and buttons and bumper stickers, Crowe says that his effort is not a for-profit one. To date, he estimates, the Winfrey undertaking has cost him about $65,000.

I'm sure there are sound legal reasons to squash this guy, protecting her copyright and all that, but it seems like a dumb PR move. Of course she's never going to run for president (are manatees even eligible?), but what's the harm in playing along.

Bring the guy on the show, give him the thrill of his soon-to-be-over life, pretend to be humble when you decline to run...

You're seen as a nice lady who has a sense of humor about herself. This? Not so much.

Stomping a cute little kitten to death on live TV might make you look worse, but other than that I'm stumped.
You kids and your YouTube, you don't know how good you've got it!
Progression of a Mad Hatter: These guys are going to be famous someday.

IN-STORE: Kind of like High Fidelity, except you don't hate them all and want them to die. Ima Robot does a cover of Eddie Murphy's career-foreshadowing 1985 hit, "Party All the Time."
Hey, speaking of which.

..
In essence: YouTube and all of its users are now to the video-sharing site.

What does Warner get in exchange? A revenue share on ad sales.
If you upload your own home-mixed video for a particular Warner Music song to YouTube, though, YouTube will notify Warner and they will have the right to have your video removed from the site if they don't approve of it.

Pretty lame, and totally missing the point of sites like YouTube. These suits really still think they can control this internet thing, and they're going to ruin themselves while failing to prove it. As :

While this is a step in the right direction (and, don't get us wrong, that's a good thing), it's still a step short.

Take a look at what the band The Barenaked Ladies is doing. Rather than just putting their content online, they're encouraging people to make their own videos by saying they'll of people playing along to their song, and put it into their real video. That shows a recognition that YouTube is about the community of people creating content for each other, rather than just consuming the content some big company has put out for them.

Companies like Warner Music are still thinking in their same old mentality of channels and pipelines, and are still completely oblivious to the fact that they are dealing with online networks of individuals. I have a feeling they're going to get hit over the head with a clue-by-four pretty quickly, though. Help swing it if you can.

Thanks to for making me waste 20 minutes of my one and only life trying to find an MP3 from the of Paris Hilton's abortiontastic CD. Can't find it anywhere. But I guess the vandalized CD art is the whole point, so .

To counteract the soul-destroying effects of anything having to do with that emaciated dunce, please watch . [I had the wrong link there, fixed.] Which makes me think of and .

Oh, and is kind of amazing. It's 2:22 and doesn't waste a single millisecond of it. Ima kinda hungover.

P.S. Check out .

The "About the Band" page is pretty funny.
P.P.

S. , Jackie talked about this two weeks ago. I should read my own blog maybe.

It'll be on display on the CBS Evening News tonight, if you hadn't heard. (Sorry about your coma.) I don't really have anything to say about it, other than that today is a big day for unlikable millionairesses.

Mainly I just wanted to use that headline. Get it? I'm about as subtle as a bowling-ball vasectomy.

P.S. Watch , if possible.

It's like she took every bad thing that's ever been said about her and just went, "Okay, let's run with that."
P.P.

S. CBS is taking suggestions for how Couric should . I can't think of anything that doesn't involve her eating a bullet or getting me another beer, but maybe you guys have something.

is giving you the chance to be the spokesman* for his Sci-Fi DVD Club, and all you have to do is give up your dignity:

Submit a video clip (90 seconds or less) of yourself proving why you are the biggest Sci-Fi fan! Be wacky, be wild, go boldly where no Shatner fan has gone before. To submit your best entry, be sure to check out ShatnerDvdClub.

com. Your submission will be posted on shatner.blip.

tv, where people can watch your video and vote for you!

Then it goes to their team of "experts," including Knowles and that one chick from Deep Space Nine. (Not that one, the other one.

No, not her either. No, no, the other other one.)

, .

.. What other grocery items can the networks advertise on?

"Orange you glad you watch Two and a Half Men?" "This week on Lost, there's a lot at steak!" And so on.

If you have Netflix, you can pay to watch the pilots of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and Kidnapped . I think I can wait.

"Show business is like dating a schizophrenic: I love you, I ignore you, you're fantastic, you're terrible.

I don't need that. I just want to wear makeup and be funny."

So when he was deciding on a career, it was either this or the circus.

Which would explain the hair.
Irwin Handleman writes for Mind of Mencia and his new blog is making life more giggly today - specifically, his piece about his old man self going back in time to talk to his 15-year-old self.