I receive many questions regarding divorced and separated parents, without doubt it can make planning a wedding very stressful (check out ). I recently wrote this reply titled: .
Read how the insensitivity of the band can embarass certain family members if they are introduced incorrectly.
The Wedding Fairy recounts an upsetting story told to her by a work colleague, whereby the stepmother and groom's father are announced as the groom's parents!
"THINK about the introductions in advance, and TALK/COMMUNICATE with your band about how to approach each."This post and the next deals with how to handle the first and last dances.
Often the band can cause distress by forcing divorced or separated parents without partners to dance with other people.
"This type of behavior is not acceptable, and certainly not fair to the mother of the groom (or anyone in this situation that applies in other scenarios)- whether or not you believe that a divorced parent should "suck it up" (a sentiment which I thoroughly disagree with), you should definitely understand that the band member trying to "help" in this way is degrading, demoralizing, and definitely a NO."This is a detailed account of how a lovely relaxed wedding can quickly change into one of pure humiliation when a mother is forced to dance with a stranger!
It really brings home the fact that communication is absoultely key. Every bride and groom should advise the professionals they employ at their wedding beforehand, to ensure there are no hiccups on the day.
If your parents are divorced it can often be diffcult coming up with a table arrangement that suits everyone.
You may want to see your parents seated together or on adjacent table (or even the same!), but trust me they will be much more relaxed if you put some distance between their tables. The Wedding Fairy describes a situation that happened at a wedding her college friend Liz went to, there were no dramas or dish-throwing but it makes you think that the mother and father could have been seated further apart.
"I can tell you right now - you will not please everyone. Finding the "perfect" table arrangement is not necessarily an option - however, creating a WORKABLE table arrangement-- when it comes to divorced/separated parents -- is the name of the game."In conclusion we learn that wedding planning is complicated and stressful enough without keeling over from the pressure of divorced parents and their partners.
It just isn't worth it, take a stance and stick to it. As the Wedding Fairy says:
"Planning doesn't involve the same discomfort issues that a wedding does (i.e.You only have to watch to see that there has to be a better way!loud announcements by DJs, or very obvious seating situations). Therefore, keeping everyone happy during this stage isn't really the goal - the goal is to get the job done, and to enjoy doing it."
After you have clicked on the "Send My 1st Tip" button follow these to ensuring you receive a free unique wedding tip every week.
The most important step is that you you click on the confirmation link in the email sent immediately to your inbox - if you don't you won't get your wedding tips!
"Hi Elle, I just wanted to give my thanks for the generous, often funny and thoughtful planning tips I have received.You will also send you a Free "Wedding Dress Ideas" Report with your first tip!Our wedding is in just over two weeks time. It's the first time we're getting married (as for many people), and inevitably, there are things we had not considered. I really appreciated many of the planning tips for this reason, also because they were very practical and down-to-earth.
Great job, and many thanks again. It must be great to know you are making a positive difference to the marrying couples that receive these. Best Wishes" - Marcela
Indeed this book is a revelation, grooms now have the chance to get active with their very own wedding planning guide. It can be bought from or .
"The Engaged Groom" all started with Doug's blog called with the first entry on the 2nd September 2003 at 6:17pm.
I got engaged on Wednesday. Actually, that statement is a little too passive. Makes it seem like I picked up something on the way home from work or dropped a subscription card in the mailbox or developed some sort of temporary condition for which medication or a topical ointment is available from my doctor.
Let's start over.
I proposed to my girlfriend on Wednesday night.
To continue reading this blog entry please take a look at this and scroll to the bottom.
I divulge, having read all 279 pages I can confidently hold my hand up and say that "The Engaged Groom" is a must read for all grooms that want to get involved in their wedding. Doug's funny style of writing makes it a real joy to read. Grooms will quickly learn a whole array of tips and practical information.
In fact if they take all of his advice on board they will be heading to their local beauty salon for a manicure - it makes sense really when you think of how many people will want to see the groom's ring on the big day!
Whether they have just a few questions or many this is definitely the book for all grooms. As a bride, if your groom is worried about how to minimize the risk of his best man forgetting the rings (page 237) or how he can ensure he won't say the wrong thing during the speeches (page 251) - this is the book for him.
I practicularly liked the following sections, for their excellent overviews and useful tips :
Paying for the Wedding - Doug gives a good review of the various costs associated with planning a wedding. Interestingly he picks up on the how often couples forget to budget for gratuities, something I have extensively written about .
Picking a Date and Venue - I quickly learnt the pros and cons of having your wedding on a holiday three day weekend and in addition the advantages and disadvantages of choosing a destination wedding.
The Guest List - Planning a guest list is never easy, as Lesley Anne recently wrote about , but Doug gives some great insights. This is your chance to learn who definitely does need to be invited. You can also get the lowdown on inviting the President of the United States or The Pope!
Food and Music - This is your chance to have your cake and eat it! Doug recounts the day he ate no fewer than ten pieces of cake at three different bakeries. If you have a sweet tooth you definitely want to be involved with choosing the wedding cake - especially when prices at soar to as high as $10 or $15 a slice.
Turn to page 65 for an entertaining list of inappropriate songs. It is highly advisable that you always listen to the lyrics first, especially for the all important first dance. The list doesn't just stop at slow dances, some well known disco classics should be placed on your DJ's "Do Not Play List".
Photography - Here I agree with Doug, disposable cameras definitely belong to the "Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time" file. Today most guests have digital cameras and are more than happy to share their photographs with you.
On the subject of videographers, page 75 neatly sums up why this isn't an area to get too stressed about.
Also check out the tips on how to make signifcant savings on this aspect of the wedding.
Best man Duties - Doug answers your questions on whether you can have two best men, or even have a female one! More importantly he gives his opinion on what groomsmens and bridesmaids should wear - it's a refreshingly honest approach that many more couples should adopt (Page 92).
What to Wear and How to Look Your Best - Expert advice on which tuxedo to wear, along with helpful hints on whether your build is best suited to a single-breasted jacket, double-breasted jacket, tailcoat or morning coat. You can also take advantage of the "How to Tie a Bow Tie" page which has been deliberately reversed so as you can tie your bow tie looking in the mirror!
Save-the-Date, Announcements, Invitations, and Getting the Word Out - "The Engaged Groom" is full of valuable tips, such as the one called "The Separation of Church and Crate ( Barrel) on page 122.
Doug makes it clear that in no circumstances should you send the invitation and the registry information together. This is a massive faux pas, but unfortunately it has to be said many couples still do it. Reading other tips on getting the assembly of invitations right (page 126), the value of using wedding planning software (page 130) and why B-list wedding guest lists are more trouble than they are worth (page 133) is highly recommended.
Registries, Wedding Showers, and Thank You Notes - I really enjoyed reading the section on what things you want to register for, but shouldn't on page 150. It is both humorous and informative - a great reminder that you aren't bound to the traditional registry list of kitchen and dinnerware! Doug dicusses the whole art of getting your Thank You notes written with thought and appreciation, with particular reference to what you should and shouldn't say.
Planning the Honeymoon - Traditionally this is the groom's responsibility and though he is expected to pay for it, it really should be a joint decision as to where you go. Discover the benefits of delaying your honeymoon and why a "minimoon" might be just right for you!
The Bachelor Party - This is one of the most entertaining sections of the book.
I love Doug's humour, neatly summed up in this quote:
You'll have plenty of chances to party with your friends in the future, and if you're worried that your marriage will mean a loss of your freedom. I suggest you talk to a therapist and not a stripper.The book is full of practical advice and some common sense reminders, for example:
Never, never, never be hungover on your wedding day.Doug leaves the debate on whether strip clubs on a bachelor party are a good idea to others, by including a random sampling of quotes from eight different women. Definitely worth reading.
A Groom's Checklist - Emergency Provisions - Turn to page 230 for a list of things that every groom should have packed in a small bag on their wedding list.
Items range from personal care prodcuts, spare clothing to miscellanous essentials that are all to easy to forget.
You might not catch your groom browsing through all your wedding magazines, but I can guarantee he will find "The Engaged Groom" of real interest. Buy it today.
Further to my blog yesterday on I just wanted to illustrate to you how much fun you can have when organizing your second wedding if you've done the big church wedding in the Cinderella dress and want something a little different and unique.
According to a couple are planning to say "I do" at this weekend’s National Buffalo Wing Festival!
The unnamed couple have traditionally attended the festival every year since it began 5 years ago and it is thought that their first date was at the festival! It is the second marriage for both of them so they wanted something a little different for their special day to surprise their family and friends.
The nuptials are due to take place amidst the chicken wing noshing this Labor Day weekend at 4 p.
m. Saturday, while the chicken wing festival itself runs from noon to 9 p.m.
Saturday and noon to 7 p.m. Sunday at .
Running alongside the wedding will be chicken wing speed-eating contests, a Miss Buffalo Wing pageant and the first ever induction into the Chicken Wing Hall of Fame (it is thought that Buffalo resident Buffalo Wing Sauce will win this accolade!). There will be live music courtesy of Buffalo's very own 6 piece band so the newlyweds will not have to worry about organising entertainment for their wedding guests.
Well, this couple have definately chosen a very unique venue for their encore wedding - lets just hope their wedding guests like chicken wings!
Choosing specific wedding songs is just as important to the success of your wedding and reception as having the right musicians and singers. Because you have an attentive audience enjoying your special day, be sure to pick wedding songs that are both personally meaningful and a pleasure for your guests.
Here I reveal five tips to selecting the best wedding songs you can.
1. Talk to the officiant :
If your wedding is taking place in a church or synagogue, you will want to check with the minister or rabbi to see if there are any restrictions on the choice of wedding music used.
In general, it is best to choose a song for the lighting of the Unity Candle that is relatively slow and traditional but has a deep personal meaning for the couple.
At the reception, you have full rein to choose what you like, but keep in mind those you would like to honor. For bride/father dance and groom/mother dance, choose wedding music that is from the parents' era as a tribute to them.
Some families have songs that are special because of there connection with an annual vacation or family ritual; if so, include this music as well. So what if your wedding is in October and the family song is "Surfin' Safari"? Go ahead and play it, and invite your brothers and sisters onto the dance floor with you.
It will be a moment talked about fondly for years to come.
3. Find something special for the parents :
Talk to members of both families and find out what special song the parents danced to at their own weddings, then make sure the DJ has these CDs or get the sheet music to your band a few months in advance so they will know the tunes perfectly at the reception.
Nothing will touch your parents more at your wedding than hearing the wedding music from their own.
4. A friend's solo can be special :
If you have a talented friend, ask him or her to sing a wedding song at the ceremony or reception.
A serenade by someone special adds a personal touch to the evening and will be a stand-out memory for you and your guests. If you and your new spouse are the ones with musical ability, think about singing for your guests. Beginning your new married life with a shared song will be an unforgettable experience.
5. Bypass trendy for meaningful :
The most important music of the evening at the reception, of course, is the wedding song that you and your groom will dance to for the first time as man and wife. This is the song that is "your song.
" Don't simply choose the most recent pop song on the charts or the song that everyone is using this year. Decide on a song that you can dance to, a song that is lovely, but above all a song that when you hear it ten years from now you will still remember why the lyrics were so potent on your wedding day and will stand the test of time.
Wedding songs are one of the elements of the wedding day remembered most by guests, so be sure to put your own stamp on the day through your choice of music for both the wedding and the reception.
- Choosing the right DJ is crucial and my top tips should help you get it right.
Hi Everyone,
My parents are divorced and although both of them seem happy that I am engaged to a wonderful man my Mum is hesitant about me getting married; I think because of the way that her marriage ended. I am also very worried about how my parents will behave on our wedding day.We haven't booked anything yet but I don't want to be worrying on the day about my parents hurting each other. It's not as if they can't stand being in the same room together but my Mum often gets hurt and is sensitive to what my Dad says. What can I do?
It is totally understandable that your Mum is hesitant about your future marriage. With the statistic that in some US states its enough to make anyone pessimistic about a marriage working. Make it clear to your Mum that you are fully aware that the divorce rate is high but you are optimistic and believe that you are lucky enough to have found your soul mate.
Explain to her how much you love your fiancé and how your relationship is different to her and your Dad’s. You should reassure your Mum that every marriage is different and not all marriages end like hers. Remind her that she had good years with your Dad and you were a product of that, which I am sure she would not change for anything!
Whilst the prospect of your marriage should be a happy one for your Mum, try to understand that it is bound to stir up bitter-sweet memories for her of her own wedding day. Your Mum will have been anticipating your wedding day since you were a little girl and I am sure that she wants it to be perfect for you.
Point out to your Mum that as you have lived through and experienced second-hand the demise of her marriage, it has given you the knowledge of pitfalls which can occur in a married relationship and how to deal with them.
Try not to let any of your Mum’s negative feelings towards marriage influence how you view your future nuptials. Remember that your relationship with your fiancé and indeed your wedding day are unique to you. Enjoy the wedding planning process - this should be the most fun part for you and your fiancé.
You say that they are able to be in the same room together - well, that is a start!
I recommend that before you start organizing your wedding and , setting a date etc. that you sit down and talk with both of your parents.
Preferably you should speak to them both together or, if this is not possible, separately. Whilst you should not have to remind them of what is and is not acceptable behavior for your wedding day, you should communicate your concerns about possible clashes between them.
Remind them that they just have to get on together for one day which is important to you.
Inevitably your parents’ thoughts will drift to their own wedding day but you should remind them that your impending nuptials are a time for looking forward, not into the past! The best scenario you can hope for is that they put any bad feelings they have for each other aside and come together to support you on your wedding day. At the very least they should be able to be civil to one another and maintain a cool composure in front of your wedding guests.
They may be divorced but they do have something major in common, namely you!
Discuss with them your hopes and expectations for your wedding day and what roles you wish them to play in it. The more detail you can give your parents the better, so that they know exactly what to expect on your wedding day.
Ensure that your parents both understand the logistics of your wedding day. They should know when and where they will be expected to be during your ceremony and reception. Avoid confusion and let them know this information as far in advance as possible - this is crucial to the smooth running of your wedding day.
From what you say, it sounds like your Mum is quite a sensitive person, perhaps more so when in the presence of your Dad. Let’s face it, her daughter’s wedding is going to be an emotional day for her anyway so do expect some tears from her! However, there are some precautions you can take to preserve her emotions and ensure that there are no full-blown family dramas between your parents on your wedding day.
Here are my tips for dealing with possibly difficult aspects of your wedding day.
It is understandable that a common concern for a bride whose parents are divorced is where they will sit during the ceremony and the wedding reception. Remember that there are no rules about divorced parents having to sit together at their daughter’s wedding.
If your parents are able to be civil to one another then seat them together in the front row. If you think that this might be awkward and that they would be more comfortable sitting apart then either seat them in the front row and separate them by seating other relatives in between them, or alternatively your Mum should sit in the front row and your Dad in the row behind her with his relatives.
Another solution is that you do away with having a groom and bride’s side of the ceremony venue and advise your guests that they can sit on either side.
This would allow your parents to choose where they would like to sit and would eliminate any awkwardness about their decision not to sit together.
? A simple solution would be to try the following seating arrangement on the top table: you and your husband in the centre, your husband’s parents (I assume that they are still married as you have not mentioned anything to the contrary) on each side of you, your best man and bridesmaid next, and then your Mum and Dad at opposite ends of the table.
? Rather than having parents sit on the top table with you, you could have a “sweetheart table” which is a popular alternative to a top table (David and Victoria Beckham had one at their wedding!).
You and your new husband sit at a table for two which can be situated anywhere in the reception venue, although traditionally it is placed in the middle of the room with the other tables of guests forming a circle around it. This means that you could be surrounded by your family and friends and would be free to get up and mingle with them without feeling guilty about neglecting those guests on the top table. You could choose who to seat your parents with at separate tables.
They would probably enjoy the reception more being seated amongst their friends and family.
? If you decide not to have a top table at your reception then you should not bother to have your parents’ entrance into the reception announced by the MC.
Your parents certainly won’t want the additional attention such an announcement might bring to their marital situation.
? Undoubtedly your parents will want to be seated in a place of honor at your wedding reception but you might prefer to have them seated at separate tables.
You could have your wedding party (best man, maid of honor etc) seated with you at the top table and then your husband’s parents jointly and your Mum and Dad separately host their own table of wedding guests. Their allocated table could be made up of their family and close friends - this will make each of them feel special and is sure to encourage them to relax and enjoy your wedding reception.
Always make decisions about the seating for your ceremony and reception well in advance so that there is no confusion on your wedding day.
dictates that you can either have a receiving line or not – the choice is yours! The purpose of the receiving line is to allow you and your new husband to greet your guests. Traditionally the bride and groom’s parents, particularly those who have contributed financially towards the wedding, also join the line to welcome guests to the wedding reception.
Many couples nowadays skip having a receiving line at their wedding and perhaps in your circumstances you would prefer to do this too.
If you do decide to have a receiving line at your wedding then you should not stand your parents together in the line - have other members of the bridal party in between them. Check out for receiving line order and etiquette.
Are your parents likely to refuse to be photographed together?
To avoid embarrassing situations on the actual wedding day, sound them out about this so that you have advance warning if a family or group photo is unacceptable to both or either of them. It is important that decisions are made regarding the photos and notice is given to the photographer in advance.
I would imagine that you would love to have a photo of yourself in your stunning wedding dress flanked on either side by your parents.
If this is the case, then speak to your parents in advance to check whether they are willing to smile sweetly for the camera for such a photo. Explain to them how important a photo of the three of you together would mean to you – a bit of emotional blackmail never fails to work!
It is traditional for your Dad to and toast you and your new husband during the reception.
The best advice I can give you to avoid any awkwardness is to speak to your Dad beforehand and ask him to choose his words very carefully. As your Mum is sensitive, and will be more so on your wedding day, remind your Dad to focus on the positives if he is mentioning his own marriage or your childhood in his speech. Nobody wants to hear about their divorce or recriminations or regrets about his own marriage.
Weddings are upbeat optimistic occasions and everyone wants to celebrate your relationship not dwell on the fact that some marriages don’t work out! Alternatively if your Mum is concerned that she may not be represented in your Dad’s toast or she wants to express her own happiness at your wedding, then you could ask if she wants to make a toast of her own. The new modern trend with weddings is that you do not have to stick to traditional wedding etiquette.
Increasing numbers of couples are allowing other members of the wedding party to make a toast – it adds a unique element to your wedding day.
Again, to avoid awkward situations during your , decide in advance whether you want the MC or DJ to announce a “parents” dance. Make sure that you tell your parents ahead of time what you are planning to do.
If you think the “parents” dance is likely to make your parents uncomfortable then eliminate it from your reception. You could ask for it to be announced as simply a “bridal party” dance and ask the best man, Maid of Honor or other attendants to partner each of your parents on the dance floor. Simply explain the situation to the MC or DJ ahead of time so that they can make the necessary adjustments to their usual wedding line up.
For great tips and advice on how to appease both your Mum, Dad and even yourself during your pre-wedding planning, read this article from the .
Surviving the pre-wedding stage when you are caught between divorced parents is the most difficult part. I have personally attended many weddings where divorced parents were involved and there have never been any clashes.
Remember that your wedding day is a happy optimistic occasion and your parents’ conflicts should not blight your happiness.
Don’t assume that your wedding day will turn into a battle ground that you have to survive! Whilst it will inevitably be a challenge for you and your parents, you have all survived a divorce so planning your wedding day should be a walk in the park!
Remember it is your day, not theirs!
Thanks for your question and good luck!
Music and entertainment are essential elements of your wedding reception and getting it right can make or break your wedding!
It is a difficult decision to make with so many different varieties of bands, entertainers and DJs available. It is no wonder that so many couples have trouble deciding whether to have live music or a DJ for their wedding reception. It can be even more difficult to make the decision if you don’t know what you should expect these service providers to provide for your wedding reception.
Focusing on wedding DJs, we are all familiar with the stereotypical cheesy wedding DJ who embarrasses your guests and whose appearance and performance become a standing joke at your wedding! What should you be looking for when choosing a wedding DJ? Nina Callaway at sums it up nicely when she says:
“Frequently a DJ or band leader will act as the MC of a wedding reception, which means you'll need them to be entertaining but not annoying, polished, friendly, and charismatic.For many couples, less time is spent on choosing the DJ than any other aspect of the reception - this can be a costly and disappointing mistake! Overlooking this aspect of your wedding planning is easy to do. However, choosing the right DJ is crucial to the success of your wedding reception and my top tips below should help you accomplish this:”
1.
Know what you really want in terms of music before you begin looking for a wedding DJ
This is crucial and is the simplest way to eliminate DJs that aren't quite right in the first round. If you and your fiancé are dreaming of classic Big Band sounds, be very up front about this the first time you talk to prospective DJs. A DJ who specializes in rock and pop music may be wonderful, but his play list will be limited when it comes to what you want, and you'll be disappointed.
I recommend you read “ ” where I describe how wedding songs are one of the elements of the wedding day remembered most by guests and I list four services that allow users to download and review a large selection of wedding songs.
2. Ask for references
Any DJ who consistently pleases his clients should be more than happy to provide you with contact details so that you can obtain recommendations from other satisfied customers.
When you do this, be sure and ask the other customers when the reception took place - the references must be recent, not two years old! If the DJ has no recent references be sure to ask why this is. Additionally, if the DJ has a website (which is now the popular trend) you should take a look at it to see whether it contains any testimonials.
You want to be sure that your DJ has a good reputation for overall conduct, interaction with guests, use of alcohol, punctuality and ability to work alongside other wedding service providers. I recommend that you check at least four references for your chosen DJ. In a business where any unqualified person can easily enter the DJ profession you need to do research to ensure that you hire someone that will provide you with a top quality service.
Obviously if you do your own research and start asking friends and recent newlyweds for DJ recommendations you have there the best type of reference possible! Do make sure that if a friend recommends a DJ to you that you check that you and your friend’s music tastes and expectations of a wedding DJ are similar!
Another idea is to ask the DJ if they can show you an example of their work by letting you see a video clip taken at another wedding where they have performed.
Most DJ's nowadays will be able to provide you with an example of the quality and style of their performance.
You must ask the DJ how much experience they have had in this business. Has the majority of their work been at weddings, or is for the corporate market?
These types of questions will enable you to determine whether they are the right person to perform at your wedding reception.
3. Always meet your DJ in person
Once you have whittled down your choice to 3 or 4 prospective wedding DJs it is recommended that you meet each one in person.
This way you can check out their personality and general appearance, something you just can’t do properly over the phone. Finding out a DJ’s personality is very important (how many cheesy wedding DJs can you remember - far too many I bet!) as you definitely want your guests enjoying the music at your wedding rather than spending the night commenting on how bad the DJ is!
By meeting with them in person you get an indication of whether they are punctual. You might find in some instances that the DJ fails to show up for your meeting - it is better to find out if they are unreliable in the planning stages rather than find this out to your detriment on your wedding day!
During your meeting with the DJ watch them to see whether they are paying attention to your specific requirements for your wedding music.
Are they taking notes? Professional wedding DJs always have a pad and pen with them to jot down notes about what style of music is going to suit your wedding. No DJ has that great a memory that they can memorize all of your musical preferences!
4. Discuss your wedding song play list and look for flexibility
Is it your intention to have a DJ that will be proactive in getting the dance floor full right from the beginning of the evening or is a more laid back approach more your style for your wedding reception? Ask the DJ for a consultation several weeks before the reception and go over your song preferences with him in detail.
Ask your DJ if he has a list of his music collection and if he would object if you highlight a few tracks that you would like him to play during the evening. A professional will take note of which songs you want to hear as well as which songs you don't want to hear. You will need to tell your DJ the wishes for special dances such as your first dance, the father and bride dance etc.
Ensure that your DJ knows the flow of key moments throughout the wedding reception so that he can keep the music in synch.
Usually DJs are willing to take requests from wedding guests on the night but you should ask about this specifically beforehand. Ultimately you want your DJ to be flexible but some DJs use pre-programmed music which might make it difficult for them to accommodate your guests' requests.
If you imagine that your DJ will be working for approximately 4 hours and each song is 4 minutes long - that is a total of 60 songs that will be played. Whilst you will want your special songs played you should rely on the DJ to determine the best musical taste to get people on the dance floor. Your DJ will know songs that have worked at weddings in the past.
The family and friends you invite to your wedding probably vary in age from 5 to 85 years old. It is quite a task to cater to all tastes with wedding music but that is exactly what you are expecting of your wedding DJ. An experienced DJ will know when to play which kind of music.
They will take note when your guests arrive of what type of music suits the crowd. Ask the DJ what their tricks are for encouraging and motivating people to dance. Can you get a sense from them that they are able to “read” a dance room – can they give you examples of which songs they would use in different circumstances?
Have these open discussions with your DJ and ensure you are on the same wavelength to avoid any confusion on the day. It is important that you discuss the types of artists and styles of music you enjoy - remember your DJ isn’t a mind reader! You want to be able to form a good relationship with your wedding DJ.
Does he listen to your suggestions? Does he offer you his professional opinion or simply agree with everything you say?
5.
Ensure your DJ’s music is up to date
Make sure that your DJ has a wide range of music including the most recent chart-topping songs. Beware of amateur DJs who claim that they can obtain any song that you want for your wedding by downloading it online. Even though you and I might obtain our music from internet downloads, this is definitely not the approach a professional DJ should take.
Nowadays all professional wedding DJs subscribe to paid services such as and so that they can be sure to have the most up-to-date song releases on a weekly or monthly basis. Your DJ should have a wide range of music including the most recent songs in the charts and you can check this by asking to see their latest CDs and verifying their release dates. Do provide the DJ with a list of specific songs which you want to be played at your wedding so that he can source them out prior to the wedding reception if he does not have them in his current music collection.
6. Ask the DJ about his professional status
Don't be hesitant to ask a DJ if you can check their credentials. Most professional DJs will be a member of the , so ask them for proof of membership to confirm this.
It is also really important that you check that your DJ has public liability insurance. If one of your wedding guests trips over a cable that the DJ has not taped down to the floor or if a speaker falls on top of a guest then it will be the DJ they look to for compensation. Ask to see a copy of their insurance cover.
Make it clear to your DJ that you don’t want any self-promoting signs for his services displayed at your wedding - this is your wedding reception not a school disco! Sometimes a DJ will ask if he can display a sign or have business cards on display. This is totally up to you - you have to ask yourself if you want your wedding to be used as a place to market the DJs services.
Some brides and grooms object to this and some agree a reduction in the DJs fee in exchange for the prominent display of their advertising sign.
7. Does the DJ perform emcee duties?
Although this seems obvious, there are some DJs, particularly if you are using a non-professional DJ, who simply play the music at the wedding. If you want the DJ to make announcements, such as the introduction of the newlyweds’ first dance, the cake cutting or the bouquet being tossed, and act as an overall emcee during the evening entertainment be sure to check that they are comfortable doing this. It takes years to build up experience as a DJ of speaking into a microphone.
If you are unable to get an opportunity to see the DJ performing live, ask to see a video clip. For a wedding you need to choose someone who has a fun personality and a professional delivery for announcements.
8.
What music format does your DJ use?
You should ask your wedding DJ whether they will be playing CDs, MP3s or even vinyl records. This is important as you need to know that they have a back-up plan if their sound system fails - you don’t want to have to wait for your first dance as man and wife whilst the DJ reboots the PC attached to his mixing desk!
Most DJs have progressed into the digital era nowadays.
9. Ensure your DJ knows the dress code
Always ask about how they intend to dress on the day of your wedding.
Your DJ should always dress in a manner that is appropriate for the occasion. Whilst this does not mean that he must wear a tuxedo you do not want the other extreme of him turning up in shorts and sandals! The DJ is a service provider on your wedding day so should always be neatly dressed.
If you are having a themed wedding make sure you have informed your DJ so that they can fit in as best they can with the theme of your wedding.
10. Ask about emergency arrangements
It is any DJs worst nightmare that the sound system fails during a performance.
It is really important that you ask your DJ beforehand if he has any backup equipment available for use in case there is a problem during your wedding reception. Although it doesn't happen often, equipment can fail, and if it happens on the night of your reception and it is the only set your DJ has, you may find yourself faced with a night without music!
Also, discuss what alternative arrangements will be made in the event that the DJ you hire is sick or unavailable for your wedding reception.
Will he provide a back-up DJ that is suitable for the occasion? It is vitally important that you get the reassurance that you are covered in the event of a problem – this should be fully dealt with in your contract too. If you book an active member of the American Disc Jockey Association they are more likely to know a fellow professional that can take over in the event of an emergency.
I can’t emphasis enough how important it is to have a full backup plan!
11. Does your DJ own quality audio equipment?
A professional DJ will generally have spent over $10,000 on their equipment and will be proud to discuss the technical side if asked. I recommend that you ask them which brand of equipment they use – you should look out for names including , , , and as these demonstrate your DJ is serious about . The mention of names like , FBT, , , , and should make you a little more cautious because they are poorer sound quality.
By finding out the brand names of the DJs equipment you will quickly be able to gauge the quality of their audio equipment and this should help you to decide whether or not you want to use their services for your wedding reception. Proper equipment will give good sound quality that will not be disturbing for your wedding guests. There is nothing worse than being seated next to a speaker at a wedding that is producing poor sound quality.
Like anything though the use of top quality equipment does not guarantee that the DJ is a huge success, but at least you will know that you will be listening to professional quality sounds for starters!
12. Will your DJ be using a wireless microphone?
Wireless microphones work well at weddings and allow the DJ to roam the dance floor without tripping over a chord. This is great as it gives them the flexibility to teach wedding guests all the steps to a group dance. Sometimes DJs prefer sticking with a chord microphone because they are more likely to get interference from a wireless microphone.
Personally I think that this is a bit of a cheap get-out because if their sound system is properly setup with today's technology they generally should not get a problem when using a wireless microphone. If you have a preference discuss this with your DJ beforehand.
13.
Has the DJ worked at the venue before?
Do ask your DJ whether they have performed at your choice of wedding reception venue before. Although this is not essential, the more familiar they are with the layout and staff at your chosen venue the better.
If they have not played there before, it is best to meet your DJ at the venue so that you can discuss the specifics of setting up the DJ table, dance floor location and speaker positions.
14. Does your DJ understand the best way to set up speakers at your venue?
Always ask your DJ how many speakers they intend on using. As a bare minimum there should be a subwoofer or a pair of speakers positioned on the ground and a pair on stands. Anything less will cause problems - having two speakers solely on the ground will produce a muffled sound and lack of clarify when announcements are being made.
Equally a pair of speakers on stands is great for microphone clarity but won’t be ideal for the music as this will sound hollow.
If your reception room is large you should ask your DJ whether he will be using far-field speakers. These are ideal for throwing the sound further than normal speakers and are essential if you are dancing outside.
Ask your DJ whether he intends to perform sound checks prior to the entertainment commencing.
Ideally you will meet your DJ at the venue so that you can discuss the actual positions for the speakers. If there are hard surfaces like marble ask them how they are going to overcome issues such as acoustical echoes.
Solutions to overcome this problem could be as simple as setting the ground speakers so that they point upwards at 45 degrees. If the speakers are obtrusive or ugly looking, feel free to ask your DJ if they can be covered to make them less visible.
15.
How much time will your DJ need for setting up?
Normally the DJ will need at least an hour to set up his equipment at the reception venue. Check with your DJ whether this will be sufficient for his requirements beforehand and let the wedding venue know if he needs more time.
It is important that if you are eating your meal in the same room as the dance floor, you arrange for there to be a time lapse between the end of the meal and the tables being cleared to the evening entertainment commencing. Usually guests are quite happy to mingle in the bar area or stretch their legs outdoors after the meal.
16.
Who pays for your DJ's food?
Feeding the DJ is often overlooked but it is necessary. They are providing a wedding service for you so you should definitely feed and water them during the course of the wedding reception - you don’t want them wilting halfway through the evening’s entertainment!
I would not recommend adding another cover to your wedding breakfast total (that's far too expensive and totally unnecessary). You should arrange to provide the DJ with a smaller meal that is quite inexpensive - you can pre-arrange this with your catering manager and confirm this with the DJ. Alternatively, if you have a wedding buffet in the evening you can let the DJ know that they are welcome to help themselves to it - within reason!
17. Will your DJ provide a lighting system?
Before you even get into a conversation about lighting systems you must be very confident that your DJ can deliver on the music front first.
Why? - because it is the music and the DJ’s emcee skills that are most important! Once you have chosen your ideal DJ then you can discuss the lighting with them.
Most DJs will be able to offer an which is choreographed with the music. This is much more sophisticated than the old days where a few flashing lights and a mirror ball constituted a lights show! Typically most DJs offer a basic lighting system within their fee but if it is within your wedding budget you could pay extra and upgrade.
How about an amazing light show that includes your names and those of your guests projected in laser light on the wall as their names are announced at the reception! That is a little over the top for me, but there are other variations available with the lighting - discuss it with your DJ. Undoubtedly he will have plenty of options he can tell you about.
18. How much will your DJ cost?
Everyone with one eye on their wedding budget wants to cut their costs down, but make sure that you are not selling yourself short by drafting in a bargain-priced DJ - you might be paying for what you are getting in this instance!
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you are paying over the odds for your DJ because all that they are being paid for is to play music for 4 hours! Professional DJs will have invested a lot of time in your wedding prior to your actual wedding reception. Typically they will be spending between 10 to 20 hours consulting with you, purchasing the music, editing, preparing, setting up the equipment, packing up the equipment and other administrative tasks.
DJ prices can vary enormously and it is important to realize that a lot of couples say in hindsight that they wished they had spent more of their wedding budget on the entertainment. Research shows that you can spend between $400 and $3200 on a wedding DJ, but in general $1200 for 4 hours is the average for a professional DJ.
You will generally pay more if you hire a DJ as part of a wedding venue's package deal compared to finding your own DJ and paying them directly.
19. Ensure you include all the details in the contract
Finally, after choosing your wedding DJ, do remember to get everything in writing. Most DJs provide formal contracts.
Make sure that any changes you have requested are attached to the contract and ensure that it is signed before you proceed any further. The contract should include a clause regarding what happens if the reception overruns - will there be extra charges and what will they cost? The contract must specifically state the name of the DJ who you have requested for your wedding day - you don’t want someone else from the same company but who you have never met before.
Remember to confirm the arrangements with the DJ in a phone call during the week preceding your wedding.
20. How to find a DJ online
- Use this site to search for a wedding DJ in the US, using postcode and date filters.
- Respond’s Directory lists the top wedding DJ businesses in your area, organized by category and location.
- Search for prescreened and member referred wedding disc jockeys.
- Search within the US and Canada using your city and state.
Select from thousands of wedding DJs for hire.
- Browse this site for DJs in the US.
- Comprehensive UK list of wedding DJ and karaoke services in your area.
- Review featured local services for music and DJs, with listings categorized by county.
- Search this comprehensive directory of all things music including DJs, edited by volunteers.
The sooner you book your DJ the better.
You should definitely aim for having a DJ booked no later than 9 months in advance of your wedding day if you want to guarantee a professional DJ service in your local area. Do be aware that if your wedding is held in a major city, it is wise to book even earlier than this as, not surprisingly, the best DJs will be booked at least a year in advance. Likewise with weddings falling on major holidays, such as Christmas - the earlier you book the better.
I totally recommend that you also read the advantages of , and Nina’s article on the so that you can make a well informed decision on whether you really want a wedding DJ, as opposed to a band or going the DIY route and using your own iPod!
If you follow these steps you will have a memorable wedding reception that everyone will enjoy! Good luck.
- How to save money by opting for an iPod.
Wedding shoes have been important to the complete bridal ensemble ever since Prince Charming slid the glass slipper onto Sleeping Beauty's delicate foot. Today, it's important to make sure that the shoe you choose matches the style of gown you are going to wear, and with so many types of gowns and weddings this is quite a dilemma!
Are you getting married on the beach, in a church or in a rustic chapel? The range of shoes you may select from could include flip-flops, jeweled heels, leather boots or even the proverbial glass slippers with little kitten heels. There are a few things to keep in mind, however:
1.
Remember to keep comfort in mind :
Your wedding gown is going to be the real focus of attention. In many cases, you gown is going to cover most, if not all, of your shoes, so don't choose a shoe that is excruciatingly painful because it is "gorgeous" if you know it is going to be painful by the end of the day. If you don't normally wear three inch heels, don't wear them on your wedding day.
Choose a slender one-inch heel in an attractive style instead so that you will be comfortable. Or better yet, a lovely ballet-style flat that compliments your dress. Of course, if you are used to heels, by all means wear them!
2. Match fabrics as well as colors :
Many brides try to get shoes dyed to match their gowns and then are disappointed when they don't match because they have looked only at the price and gone with the cheapest material possible. If you choose a different material than what your gown is made from, the dye, no matter what color you attempt to use, will not "grab" the same, and the light does not reflect in the same manner.
Satin, peau-de-soie, silk, brocade and other materials all have different reflective and dye qualities. You must choose shoes out of similar materials to get a good match.
3.
Don't assume high price means best fit :
Having said that you should pay for good quality material, we won't claim that high price ensures the best fit. The only way to know what shoe fits you best is to try the shoe on. Each brand will run different, and some shoes will fit in one size in one brand and another size in another brand.
If you want to dance the night away on your wedding day, be sure to walk around in a few pairs and check the fit so that you find a pair that not only looks great but fits comfortably. You may be surprised to find that some very inexpensive shoes have a fantastic fit.
4.
Consider looking at shoes that aren't "bridal shoes" :
If you will be doing a lot of dancing, look into purchasing shoes from a store specializing in dance shoes. Ballet or ballroom shoes are designed to be extremely comfortable and come in a wide range of styles and colors that are extraordinarily versatile and attractive, with plenty of give and flexibility. Once you try these on, you may find yourself going back to these stores for special event shoes beyond your wedding day.
5. Save money for your bridesmaids by going neutral :
If your bridesmaids are wearing pastels, consider allowing them to purchase off-white or white shoes. If they are wearing rich, deep tones, go with bone, taupe, muted metallics or even black for their shoes.
Remember, if they are wearing floor-length gowns their shoes aren't going to show, and really, they aren't the center of attention - you are. Your bridesmaids will thank you for the opportunity to invest in comfortable, attractive shoes they can wear again and again instead of a pair of mint green heels that will languish in their closets and be tossed after they gather dust for months.
Whether you choose a live band, a string quartet, a DJ or even do it yourself with an your musical choices will set the mood and the pace for your wedding day.
Wedding songs are one of the elements of the wedding day remembered most by guests, so be sure to put your own stamp on the day through your choice of music for both the wedding ceremony and the reception.
The music you select for your wedding will help to create the right atmosphere for your big day. It is really crucial that you take time to select wedding music which best reflects your feelings, your personality and the theme of the wedding you want to create.
After all you want your wedding to be remembered for the right reasons – not the fact that you allow the DJ to play D:Ream’s “Things Can Only Get Better” for your first dance!
* Remember that you will need to select music for the wedding ceremony, the cocktail hour or pre-reception drinks party and the reception.
* If your wedding has a specific theme (for example medieval, beach, tropical, Asian or Italian) you should choose music to match.
* If you are selecting music for your first dance than really think carefully about your choice. Have a look at the lyrics for your chosen song and practice dancing to the beat of it with your partner to ensure its not too slow or fast for you both. Beware of choosing songs which are trendy and popular at the moment.
Its more important that you choose a song which is meaningful to you both.
* When selecting music for your ceremony talk to your officiant. They might well have strict guidelines about which wedding songs can be used during your ceremony in their house of worship.
Its important to discuss this with them at an early stage to agree which songs will be used at your wedding. Officiants could well have some recommendations they can make to you for songs too.
* You will want your guests to not only feel relaxed and enjoy themselves but additionally you might want them to feel included in your wedding day.
Perhaps you could choose a specific song for a specific guest to make them feel special.
* A key piece of advice professional wedding planners give regarding choosing wedding music is to plan out an outline or plot for your wedding, as if it is a movie. This will mean that you know which key moments will require specific wedding music (e.
g. walking down the aisle, father/daughter dance, the bouquet or garter toss) and which moments simply require background music (e.g.
during the reception meal).
* Always ensure that you have given clear instructions to your live band, DJ or whoever else is responsible for your wedding music so that both they and you know what music is being played at what time during your wedding day.
To simplify the process for you of choosing the perfect soundtrack to your wedding day I have researched some of the most popular wedding song websites and have set out below a brief review of some of the best.
Most of the websites I’ve recommended contain large libraries of wedding songs to choose from and some of them have broken the lists down into categories and sometimes even sub-categories, such as processional or ceremony music and then celebratory or reception music. You might also want to consider having a look at these websites to select music to include on your wedding video. Have a browse through the websites and have some fun!
This is a slick site with very nice graphics. It is easy to navigate and sets out in detail descriptions of each different type of song available for each different segment of your wedding day - from the ceremony to the reception, including bouquet toss songs, unity candle songs and even cake cutting songs. There seems to be a good amount of songs to choose from and they range from oldies to more recent chart-toppers.
With each song suggested they include lyrics, which is great so that you can check that the wording of the song you choose for a specific part of your wedding is totally appropriate.
This website is set apart from the others by the fact that it gives you ratings out of 10 for each of the songs displayed within the different categories which members of the public have voted on. This is great as it tells you which are the most popular wedding songs, or you might prefer to think of them as the most common (meaning perhaps you should set yourself apart from everyone else and use something different!
).
This website has a varied selection of categories and sub-categories to choose from. It features 1200 songs which are said to be the most popular wedding songs in North America.
Although it does not have lyrics to many songs you can listen to soundbites of a lot of the songs. By clicking on a certain song title within one of the categories Real One Player opens up and allows you to hear a 45 second sample of the song (only if you have speakers though!).
Some people might prefer hearing the sample of the song rather than reading the lyrics as it can really help to remind you of what a song sounds like. Be warned though 45 seconds can sometimes not be long enough to help you decide whether a song is going to be appropriate for your first dance. This site does have links though telling you where you can buy the CD’s the songs are taken from.
This website has lots of good suggestions for songs you might like to play for different aspects of your wedding including father/daughter dance, mother/son dance etc. As well as listing contemporary and classical songs this site also has a well presented ethnic music selection with plenty of variety to inspire you with your choices. I think that this website gives great advice on how to choose your wedding music and how to organize timings for the music on your wedding day in order to create the right atmosphere.
The wedding music library within this website is fantastic. There are a huge selection of popular wedding songs and lots of song suggestions within each category. Unfortunately only some of the listed songs have samples attached to them that you can listen to, but you will find that the most popular wedding songs do have sound clips available.
A great feature of this site is the CD listening room. It sets out recommended wedding CD’s which you can select and then listen to taster songs from each CD. The site also has links on how to buy those CD’s.
Another reason to visit this website is that it has an invaluable guide on how to pick the soundtrack to your perfect wedding. There is a huge amount of well laid out information to help you select which songs you need and when you should play them at your wedding so that you can organize the music for the whole ceremony and reception. The expert planning section is fantastic and I think it will greatly assist you in making your music selections.
Look out for the article within this website on “ ” by Gloria Sklerov and Barbara Rothstein. This is a must read!
This website says that its selection of wedding songs have been chosen by disc jockeys who have performed at weddings throughout North America.
I think that this is brilliant because you know that the songs listed are authentically chosen by experts who are in the know as to which songs are most popular. This could be especially useful if you are planning on using an iPod at your wedding and handling the music selection yourself as it will give you an idea of which songs are appropriate for the different stages of your wedding. For example, by using the suggestions listed on this website you can gain ideas of which songs are great for getting people up onto the dancefloor, background music during the meal or even music for cutting your cake to.
Although there are not as many categories as the other websites I have reviewed above they have got a very full selection of music for the 4 categories that there are. As before, when you click on a link to a song opens in another window and allows you to hear a 45 second snippet of each song.
This website also has numerous links to live bands who are available all over North America for wedding hire, which is very useful if you are thinking of having living music at your wedding.
In conjunction with this, they have the facility on their website for you to listen to samples of popular wedding songs being played live by bands free of charge. This is a great way to get an idea of a band’s sound before you consider contacting them.
I hope that you’ve found my reviews useful.
Good luck with selecting your wedding music!
Choosing the right DJ is crucial and my top tips should help you get it right.
- How to save money by opting for an iPod.
5 tips to selecting the best wedding songs you can.
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