When Governor Corzine signed New Jersey's civil union bill into law late last year, he kicked off the next and last stage of the work to secure the full measure of protection and dignity that is every family's due, and which civil union fails to deliver. And so we turn now to the months of persuasion and persistence needed to win all committed couples in New Jersey the freedom to marry, shimmering within our reach. Fortunately, we have a lot on which to build.
First, thanks to Lambda Legal's case, , and the creative and constant public education and outreach by and its amazing array of gay and non-gay organizations and partners - including , and its series of - it's clear that the people of New Jersey are ready to accept an end to the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage. Had the legislative leaders and the governor stepped forward following the Supreme Court ruling and said that the time is now for full equality, not place-holders, New Jersey would have embraced it (and rapidly come to see, as have the people of Massachusetts, that equality in marriage means families helped and no one hurt; gay couples don't use up all the marriage licenses and there is plenty of marriage to share). Unfortunately, NJ's political leaders seized on the unsurprising polls that showed that in the immediate aftermath of the decision, a majority was also comfortable with the intermediate step of a parallel, lesser status, and they rushed to that place-holder.
Happily, an intense blitz by Garden State Equality, Lambda Legal, and an unprecedented collaboration of movement organizations (the Task Force, HRC, ACLU, MassEquality, and New York's Pride Agenda) and funders made clear to the politicians that those of us committed to equal treatment and full inclusion will not rest until couples have the freedom to marry itself. As a result, Senate President Codey and Assembly Speaker Roberts, along with many other key legislators and leaders, have now acknowledged that marriage itself is the goal, that it is do-able, and that it must be done - soon. Gov.
Corzine has already promised to sign a marriage bill into law. Garden State Equality has called on all who believe in fairness to hold these leaders to their word, and, with the help of all of us, has pledged a massive effort to win the freedom to marry in New Jersey within the next two years. As the new year dawns, we begin building on the foundation of civil union already won and the increasing receptivity to marriage equality.
We must coax people past complacency or false comfort in the idea that justice is "inevitable" and therefore can wait. Like Chief Justice Poritz, in her dissent for the three justices who would have finished the job, we must now talk to the people around us about why marriage matters. The right way to end discrimination in marriage is, of course, to end discrimination in marriage, not repackage it, whether as civil union or any other mandatory other status.
Under American law, marriage, of course, is a civil union (a legal status created by government license) - but civil union is not marriage, and pointedly so. There are a million songs about love and marriage, but civil union is the words without the music. We must explain why the separate and unequal status of civil union is insufficient and unnecessary, and ultimately demeaning when offered, as it was last year, in order to perpetuate couples' exclusion from marriage itself.
Person by person, month by month, let's describe how marriage - and only marriage, not civil union - offers a comprehensive array of protections and responsibilities under state, federal, and international law. As I relate in my book, , this safety net affects every area of life from birth to death, with taxes in between. The rules relating to marriage (not civil union) have been worked out through courts and legislatures to cover a multitude of contingencies, and cannot be replicated by any other contract, statute, or new invention by the state.
No separate status provides that security and economic justice, not to mention the dignity of full inclusion and cultural meaning, to same-sex couples and their kids. Around the world, everyone knows what marriage entails. No newly invented status brings what comes, tangibly and intangibly, with a legal marriage license and the two words, "I do.
" To be denied the vocabulary of marriage and its meaningful, resonant, and readily understood statement of love and commitment - and instead, have to fumble for 10 documents, explain a new term that doesn't even have a verb, and, possibly, retain a lawyer just to protect your family in a time of crisis - is not fair and not equal. New Jersey can do better. And now is the time.
So here's a New Year's Resolution for all of us. Join with and other New Jersey and national gay and non-gay groups dedicated to this just cause. Seize the opportunity to make a difference.
Start now by inviting friends, family, and fellow citizens to ask themselves these questions:
Either marriage and civil union are the same, in which case why does NJ need two lines at the clerk's office, or they are not the same, in which case what are you withholding from these NJ families, and for what reason? Would you be prepared to swap your marriage for a civil union? Have you shared that news with your spouse?We can win the freedom to marry in New Jersey within a matter of months, if we do our part. People are ready to rise to fairness. Will New Jersey beat California, Connecticut, Maryland, New York, Vermont, and the other states (and countries) moving forward to marriage equality?
That is up to Corzine, Codey, Roberts - and you. Evan Wolfson is Executive Director of and author of (Simon Schuster 2004), now in paperback. Let's call it what it is!
It is a civil marriage contract! That is why secular public officials can preside over such unions. Religion has no monopoly on it!
No Roman Catholic priest will preside over a Baptist wedding or a Jewish wedding or Buddhist wedding or vice-versa. Each state has their own "secular" and legal standards to qualify. Why is there this great blur of facts that makes this a religious issue?
Where is the religious outcry over Elvis Presley look-alikes performing weddings, or places and people that bring marriage down to the level of picking up a meal at a fast food joint. It all comes down to framing and then looking at the real facts! I realized this almost 40 years ago when I got married on a Saturday night in June.
In those days the protocol was to have a large buffet/cocktail hour and then the ceremony and then the formal wedding reception and banquet. Needless to say it was a long and hot day, I was so nervous that I took at least three showers. Just as the cocktail hour started, the Rabbi called me and some of the wedding party into a room to sign and witness some papers and then sent them on for my future spouse to sign.
When the papers came back, he signed them put them in a stamped envelope and sent one of the ushers to drop the envelope in the mailbox. When the usher came back, I realized that at that point, it was a "fait accompli", a "done deal", at least in the eyes of the State of NJ. With a great deal of nervousness and anxiety gone, I decided to enjoy the cocktail hour and when I finally did walk down the aisle to take the religious vows, I was quite "loose", since I was already "hooked".
Legally it did not matter. Today, as one who is widowed with children and grandchildren and assets to protect, if I were to remarry, it would be necessary to have a pre-nuptual agreement, and I'm sure my future mate would also have need for such to protect their assets and estate for their family. In other words, we'd most likely need special modifying contracts in addition to the basic marriage contract.
If protecting social security payments, perhaps an alternative since I'm well over 62 and most likely be with another senior, I might consider entering into a domestic partnership and then having a religious wedding to sanctify the relationship. That might make the most dollars and cents! I could say I was married, but not be penalized by it.
I could have my cake and eat it so to speak. I haven't even gotten to the point of defining who can enter into the civil marriage contract. National legal experts have assured me that if I cannot marry in New Jersey, there are several very socially conservative counties in Texas that would (perhaps reluctantly) allow me marry a person of my life-long sexual orientation.
It is time to separate religious marriage and each religion's standards and laws with civil marriage and each state's laws. It is time to take control of framing the issue!
"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
News RSS