December 22nd, 2006 at 15:30 by Stuart Heritage
You could say it s good news that Jessica Simpson and CBS have jointly decided to remove 9 To 5 from the scheduled Boxing Day broadcast of the Kennedy Centre Honours because - let s face it - three and a half minutes where you don t see Jessica Simpson on TV yowling like a trapped cat is infinitely better than three and a half minutes where you do. But we can t help also being a little sad at the news, because who in their right mind would actually watch the Kennedy Centre Honours for any other reason than to have a quick chuckle at a bright orange manjawed woman arsing up the lines of a song and tearfully running from the stage without any applause at all?
Jessica Simpson was doing such a good job of keeping a low profile this year; after 2005 s and his - which we think was titled I M SO ALONE! - all Jessica Simpson wanted from 2006 was to keep a dignified silence. Or failing that, a .
And that s more or less what Jessica Simpson managed - apart from the occasional burst of - until she had to sing 9 To 5 in front of Dolly Parton at the Kennedy Centre Honours ceremony.
It should have been a glittering pop moment - the most famous song by the woman with the most iconically outlandish breasts in the wild west being performed by a reality TV star . But something went wrong.
First Jessica Simpson forgot the words of the song. Then Jessica Simpson s eyes welled up. Then Jessica Simpson freaked out and fled the stage to no applause whatsoever.
Producers of the show did give Jessica Simpson another chance to perform 9 To 5 in front of Dolly Parton, but MSNBC reports that Jessica wasn t happy with that version either:
After Simpson saw a tape, she requested the second attempt be pulled from the show, which airs Dec. 26 on CBS ldquo;She really wasn rsquo;t happy with her performance and she did want it to be perfect for Dolly, who she idolizes, rdquo; said Cindi Berger, a spokeswoman for Simpson.
It s a shame really.
Remember that the Kennedy Centre Honours were partly to pay tribute to Andrew Lloyd Webber, so ask yourself if you d rather watch a blonde girl spectacularly cock up a song most people can sing in their sleep or a toady-faced millionaire wriggle and squirm with smug pleasure while someone talks about Starlight Express for 15 minutes?
And also, we re not buying this whole wanting it to be perfect thing either. Because Jessica Simpson obviously didn t want her cover version of These Boots Were Made For Walking to be perfect, did she?
Because it was shit.
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