Ah, the New Year. Ah, ABC unveils two new shows this week. I'm not going to say they're as bad as cleaning a toilet, but you might prefer cleaning the bathroom over watching them.
The worst, by far, is "In Case of Emergency" (9:30 p.m. Wednesday on KOMO), which chronicles four high-school friends, now in their late 30s, whose lives didn't turn out as expected.
To wit: The class valedictorian is now a hooker, discovered when former classmate/divorced dad (Jonathan Silverman) arrives for a "massage." David Arquette plays a financial whiz who botches his own suicide.
Side note: Arquette's wife Courteney Cox fares much, much better in her new show, "Dirt" (10 p.
m. Tuesday on FX) about the life of a tabloid editor.
Meanwhile, back on ABC, "The Knights of Prosperity" (9 p.
m. Wednesday on KOMO) follows another group of misfits, led by a Queens janitor who's cleaned one too many urinals. So one night, in his sad studio apartment, he watches a TV show about Mick Jagger's fabulous digs and decides to rob him.
Another janitor, an Indian cabbie, a black security guard and a hottie waitress get recruited to help with the heist. The guys who produce "Late Show With David Letterman" are co-creators and producers of "Knights."
The pilot episode, which includes Mick Jagger, has some funny moments but alas, next week's episode (never mind the fact that it features former UW student Reiko Aylesworth) disappoints.
Mick returns, and Keith Richards, too, with Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, Arnold Schwarzenegger and more, to sing the praise of one of the world' most famous photographers in "Annie Leibovitz: Life Through a Lens" (9:30 p.m. Wednesday on KCTS).
You know her work: the portrait of very pregnant, very naked Demi Moore; Bette Midler blanketed in roses; Whoopi Goldberg bathed in milk; and one of her most poignant and profound pictures, which graced "Rolling Stone" a naked John Lennon snuggling a clothed Yoko Ono.
Leibovitz's ascension from amateur photographer to celebrity documentarian tops off the season of the "American Masters" series. Featuring celebrity and family interviews, home movies and footage of Leibovitz at work, "Lens" offers an intimate look at someone whose craft we've all come to recognize.
"Lens" is preceded by a documentary that's also visually arresting and much closer to our own lives. "Art Without Walls: The Making of the Olympic Sculpture Park" (9 p.m.
Wednesday on KCTS) is a meditative, sensorial tale about the transformation of nine acres alongside Elliott Bay into a one-of-a-kind visual marvel. It isn't easy to make cinema out of construction crews hauling dirt, but these filmmakers do, in what amounts to a lovely portrait of a changing landscape.
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