Too Many Words 2006 July

Archive for July, 2006

Ok, so I posted on less than half of the days in July. Here s why:
That only covers this last weekend, but it was fantastic. I m going to try to recount the entire weekend, but there are so many inside jokes and great inspirations for jokes that it s realistically going to cover about 70% of the things we did.

That s more than enough.
We left Friday around 3 pm. This was after eating at California Tortilla and being blown away by the mural that Matt and Graham are working on.

Topher had his laptop - a new MacBook - with . This captured all of our fascination for much of the ride up.
We arrived in NYC around 8 and immediately got bracelets for the shows.

We spent 18 hours in the theatre over the weekend, totalling 35 shows. I m going to try and rundown the best shows we saw:

The Lottery - This was five of UCB s performers ( , , and , among others) teaming up with 5 random students. Of course they outshone the students, but there were good pieces in here.

Director s Commentary LIVE! - This was , , and others doing an improvised director s commentary on Kevin Smith s . Smith , Ben Affleck , Joey Lauren Adams , Harvey Weinstein , Make-up Lady , and Val Kilmer spoke on the commentary with gems like these:

Kevin Smith: I invented the montage.

Joey Lauren Adams: In the movie I smoke cigarettes but in real life I don t that s called acting.

Kevin Smith: We ve all moved on so well. Joey Lauren Adams, why don t you tell us what you re doing now?

Joey Lauren Adams: Sitting next to you.

Kevin Smith: I wanted people to know I like comic books I invented comic books.

Val Kilmer: I was in this scene but then Kevin cut it.

The Smartest Panel Ever - The panel was hosted by Tom from MySpace (Besser) and featured Dr. Phil ( with a latex breast as a bald cap), Owen Wilson, Steven Spielberg, Harry Potter (Doug Benson), Judge Joe Brown (Minor), and Daryl Strawberry ( ). It was packed from the go with outrageous laughter.

We later talked to Gethard on the street and he was a great guy.

- As Rory said, they are by far the most inappropriate and funniest show. The idea of the show is that a slave-owner and his daughter force their slaves to perform improv for them.

Then the slaves are freed by Abraham Lincoln and the remaining white people must perform for their own amusement. It s such a meta show that we couldn t stop laughing. A+.

Am I A Ghost? - This was one of the purest shows and one of the funniest. The players worked so well together and just had some great jokes come out.

- This is a three-person group - Tyler Korba and Katie Carson are from WIT and Mark Raterman is from Chicago. Katie couldn t make it this weekend but we ve met Tyler and Mark and both are hysterical. This half-hour didn t have a lull.

They literally hit five or six scenes in a row that had uproarious applause. Even after seeing great shows the night before, this was the best

- until I Eat Pandas took the stage. We really did not think anything could follow Tyler and Mark but these three were the only group to get a standing ovation all weekend - and that includes the UCB shows themselves.

Like Baby Wants Candy (who we missed, unfortunately) they improvise a musical performance on the spot. Baby Wants Candy at DCCF and I Eat Pandas here were the two best individual shows I ve ever seen. Some people make improv look easy - these guys reminded you how impressive it can be.

Omelette Vision - This was Delaney and Merritt being awesomely funny.

- Walsh, Roberts, and Besser themselves. They had Nazi bedtime stories, rode a motorized scooter over Ian Roberts and into the audience, and Walsh smashed a chair to pieces (hey, it s his theater).

Chuckle Sandwich Baby Wants Candy - We were in line for two hours to see these guys but we got in just as CS set ended. We have seen them both in DC and they re awesome.

Wicked Fuckin Queeyah - Another amazingly meta show like Emanciprov.

They had a theater of 300 - in NYC - chanting Jeter has AIDS by the end of the set. Fantastically funny people, especially very friendly guy .

Jackie - Our home team - WIT s own.

Jackie had a killer show and got big applause.

Dr. Fantastic - We finally got to see Rory and Topher on stage and the whole set was crushing.

Many troupes can show how well their members work together - Dr. F. s intention is not to make it easier for the other players; it s to fuck with them on stage.

Tyler, Zhubin, Molly, Mike, Toph and Rory got the best reception I d seen since I Eat Pandas from the packed theater.

There are plenty of other lessons from New York - Dunkin Donuts is open at 5:30 am so after watching improv all night you can hit the sugar and return for another 8 hours straight. The subway sucks and a cab ride for the 4 of us 30 blocks uptown and across the entire island was only $7.

80; 4 subway rides - $8 and over 2 hours because the train was running express with no warning.
We got to meet Rory s college roommate, Matt s best friend from high school, get dinner with Matt s family, and I got to see Little Miss Molly again. Wonderful times.

We got to meet a lot of great performers, hang out all weekend, and laugh our asses off. It was an inspiring weekend, to be sure. Ok, so I posted on less than half of the days in July.

Here s why:
That only covers this last weekend, but it was fantastic. I m going to try to recount the entire weekend, but there are so many inside jokes and great inspirations for jokes that it s realistically going to cover about 70% [ ] I have a lot of other stuff to write about that s sitting in note form, but this is for immediate release -
I have a lot of other stuff to write about that s sitting in note form, but this is for immediate release -
MSN does something right.
Perhaps by default, this is becoming a weekday-only site.

Perhaps it is because when I spend 50 hours a week in front of the computer at work, I don t have as much incentive to do it at home - though I do, because I work on projects as well. Regardless, the pattern is showing that I post during the week and not so much on the weekends, which isn t unusual. It will probably return to a 7 day format when school starts up again.

Friday I got out of work early and had dinner with a lovely friend. I am working on a new joke involving this unusual situation. When you hear it, you ll know what the situation was.

After that, I met up with Tom and Kelly and saw .
Wow.
I went into it expecting it to be a rehash of all the old jokes and no plot because it wouldn t be necessary.

It wasn t. It was so much better than that. All the homages are there, yes, but they get taken care of early in the movie to get people acclimated, and suddenly it s new stuff 100%.

There is enough of a plot to tie the whole movie together (perhaps moreso than most Kevin Smith movies) but at the same time, you almost progress through a series of vignettes as far as the big jokes are concerned. And believe me, these jokes are often gut-bustingly hilarious. If you ve ever laughed at a Kevin Smith, I guarantee you ll love this one.

The only element that detracted from the experience was that there must have been a blind person sitting behind us. I say this because his buddy literally described every on-screen occurrence to him. I mean everything.

Ok, he s gonna open the door. No, not yet. Ok, he opened it.

Ok, he s standing there standing now he s looking out the window I don t even know how to react to that. How do blind people deal with foreign films that aren t dubbed? I imagine that is a rough experience.

Saturday Doran, Graham, Matt, and I went to Bethesda for the Laugh Riot at the Hyatt. Chris Palmer was hosting, which is great because Chris is such a nice guy.
Hallo, hallo, good to see ya.

And, I m sorry, but your name again ?
Andy! Of course, right, right.

Excellent to see you again.
But he says all of that with a British accent, so it s even better.
Brandon Ivey and John McBride were the two features and then did a 45 minute set.

Here s how funny Rory is - I know all his material. And when I say I know it, I mean I literally know, word-for-word, the jokes. I ve seen him live a hundred times, I ve been there when he comes up with some of the stuff, and I did his website so I ve watched and cut a lot of audio and video of him.

And guess what? I still die when I hear that stuff. The whole crowd does.

Two things were interesting about the show. First was that it s not the normal weeknight bar scene, it s a nice room in a gorgeous hotel. As I said to Doran, I don t think I ve ever watched comedy in a building that smelled nicer than I did.

That also means that the clientele was a lot of the hotel guests, who were there with their kids. 15 year olds, 12 year olds, and even little children (one as young as 3). I have to admit, I didn t think of this at the time, but that 3 year old stayed quiet for a two hour show, which is pretty impressive.

But the reason this is important is because of the blueness of the comedians. Chris Palmer is a 58-year-old British father of 3 - I don t think he even knows any bad words. I m kidding, of course, but he always does a clean set.

Brandon Ivey also did a 100% clean set. His response to a heckler was Would you say that if your mother was in the room? and You are a good example of insensitivity.

(His heckler piece is one of the funniest things I ve seen on stage.) Then John McBride got up and did his stuff, which I ve seen before and enjoyed at Bossa - it s not filthy but it s not clean either - it was enough to make his mother blush (she had traveled in to watch the show). Then comes Rory.

He s not a dirty comic as much as he s a funny comic who curses. A lot. More than a 12 year old should hear, I guess I m trying to say.

But that little girl laughed a lot, so I guess it didn t bother her.
The other thing that was unique about the show was the non-laugher. This guy sat in the very front row, in the seat directly in front of the stage.

Because Curt uses a stage the size of a napkin, the performer really can t stray too far, and thus, he ll always be able to see the face of the guy right in front. Doran and I were also front row next to this guy, so we could see him the whole time. He didn t change his expression at all during the first three sets.

When Rory got on stage, he knew about him from Brandon, so he tried to crack him. Throughout the set, this guy just glared at Rory and nodded occasionally. He did get the guy to break with this line Hey, honey - let s go to the concert and sit in the front row and show those fuckers how much I hate rock and roll!

Finally, Rory asks the girl next to this guy if they re dating. No, married, the guy replied. Rory says Oh, that must be great.

Does he ever just come home and say Hey Honey- and then glares into space for over a minute. I don t know if you ve ever tried glaring without changing your expression for 90 seconds while 200 people in the room crack up. The guy s wife was in tears.

After the show we celebrated with a good-time party.
Sunday was Rock Roll day. I rediscovered one of the greatest bands of 1991 - .

The Beets were a parody of The Who, The Beatles, The Police, and a number of other Brit rock bands. They were from the show - which I remember watching when I was five (and starred Billy West, of fame). Anyway, after finding some of their great songs - I Need More Allowance , Shout Your Lungs Out , and their #1 all-time hit, Killer Tofu - I listened to AC/DC Live - from their world tour, also in1991 - and some more of the greatest rock of all time.

Then I watched .
I met with Shari last night about and doing some more tech stuff for Rory, , and . It was basically this conversation:
Hey, you know the stuff you love doing and would be content to do for the rest of your life?

We d like to pay you to do that. Also, you ll have amazing connections with the funniest people in this city. And we re agents as well.

And we d like The Bureau to perform at the comedy festival. And it will look great on your resume. And more great stuff.

Then I watched , to close out a weekend of great media including more of and the first three DVDS of - a fantastic show made even better when you realize how much of it is truly improvised each take.
And if you re looking for more good music, check out DC local . Rory described them as similar to The Strokes, and I feel like they have a bit of Incubus in there as well as a few others.

Regardless, it s good stuff.
News reports to follow if people did stupid stuff over the weekend. So that s pretty much a guaranteed yes .

Perhaps by default, this is becoming a weekday-only site. Perhaps it is because when I spend 50 hours a week in front of the computer at work, I don t have as much incentive to do it at home - though I do, because I work on projects as well. Regardless, the pattern is showing that [ ] It s Jordo, Rory, and me on the couch in Jordo s apartment and I say to Rory Do you have any idea how awkward this is for everyone except for you?

and Jordo nods her agreement and Rory is just staring blissfully ahead. It s not exactly what you re thinking but it s close enough. We were actually watching a documentary on a whorehouse in Nevada.

I recommend that to all of you who are visiting a friend at his girlfriend s apartment. It is a very comfortable activity. You certainly won t spend the entire time trying to determine exactly how much time to spend eating your ice cream and how frequently you should look at the screen to avoid appearing gay and/or ashamed.

There was one point where one of the prostitutes got really shy and Rory and I said at the exact same time What prostitute is shy?! It was one of those moments where in your head you go That s cool that this comic genius and I had the same thought word-for-word, and out loud you say Yeah, don t ever do that again.

Last night I came home literally smelling like gay bar. Topaz is classy though, so I smelled like a combination of cinnamon and $27 domestic beers, rather than some more unsavory things.
to a site explaining that since dogs bark, .

It s beautiful. And the logic is flawless. Go educate yourselves, you dumb liberals.

Cristian told me the other day he liked the recent trend of complaining about dumb people. As if the premier examples behind the link above weren t enough, let s talk about Virginia drivers.
Virginia drivers, here is one piece of advice - stay in Virginia.

I don t actually blame you for the dumb shit you do in your home state. It s the price I pay for venturing into the unknown. It would be like if I went to the Caribbean or the Polynesian Islands four hundred years ago and got mad that the islanders were cannibals.

It s their own place, they can do what they want.
But when you cross into Maryland, you have to abide by our standards. We can t have radar detectors in VA, fine, then you can t be jackasses on our highways.

I cringe every time I see a VA plate on I-95 because I know I ll have to pass this dumb fucker on the right. Maryland is a different state, not a different country. You re not in Britain.

No need to reverse the traffic rules and drive slow on the left and fast on the right. It s just like the Metro.
Now I m not saying that Maryland drivers don t do this.

Nor that all Virginia drivers do. Those would both be fallacies from , so don t jump to conclusions. However, when I am coming up in the left lane and I see a car in front of me doing 61 MPH, unscientific sampling has determined that it is 83% favorable to be a Virginia plate - 36% of those are vanity plates, too.

And to close out the dumb people portion of today - racism can occasionally be funny.
And you ring a doorbell and a black woman answers and you ask her the question about what the police inspector said. Did it offend her?

She says no. I heard it was considered racist. But this is my personal opinion: I did not think it was racist.

My husband did not think it was a racist comment because last year, we were robbed by an African American. He came into my store. He was pretending to buy something.

When it came time to pay, he took out a gun, says the woman, who doesn t want to be identified because she was there when it happened. He did it to my staff. He had a gun to her head.

I m definitely biased. If I see a black guy passing by, I lock the door.
And what if it was another shop owner and the black man walking by was her husband, or her son?

She used to be afraid of white people with beards, says the woman
I don t know how that answers the rhetorical question, but it made me chuckle. It s Jordo, Rory, and me on the couch in Jordo s apartment and I say to Rory Do you have any idea how awkward this is for everyone except for you? and Jordo nods her agreement and Rory is just staring blissfully ahead.

It s not exactly what you re [ ] Haha, the truth will set you free. Doran isn t doing as well with his appeals; maybe I should start writing his letters.
I m also really tired of the phrase activist judge.

The term is thrown around because people don t elect the judges and therefore their critics feel the judges are immune from repercussions for unfavorable performance. By the same coin, we don t elect the Secretaries of State, Defense, or any other cabinet-level official. Yet I rarely hear about activist Secretaries of State or Attornies General.

The biggest critics of these so-called activists are the Congresspeople, so perhaps we should tap them for some judicial oversight. Surely they can interpret the law without allowing their personal feelings to get in the way.
Oh, right, I forgot.

They re too busy doing . (To defeat the Huns - Just for you, Tom)
A couple pieces of great news today to counter the inevitable bad news that I m known for recently.
Oh, man.

Devotees, unite.
TownHall.com has (seriously.

No, seriously, stop laughing) on why it s ok to marry your cousin.
If you ve ever seen Arrested Development, you are already furiously clicking the link by now. For those of you who are uninitiated, feast on the greatness that is.