You could say it s good news that Jessica Simpson and CBS have jointly decided to remove 9 To 5 from the scheduled Boxing Day broadcast of the Kennedy Centre Honours because - let s face it - three and a half minutes where you don t see Jessica Simpson on TV yowling like a trapped cat is infinitely better than three and a half minutes where you do. But we can t help also being a little sad at the news, because who in their right mind would actually watch the Kennedy Centre Honours for any other reason than to have a quick chuckle at a bright orange manjawed woman arsing up the lines of a song and tearfully running from the stage without any applause at all?
Posted in , , on December 22nd, 2006 |
That said, our manliness makes it pretty hard to describe ourselves as giddy, when referring to the contents of a news story, but giddy is exactly what we are. Rosie O Donnell and Donald Trump just got into a glorious and insult laden correspondence via various media outlets. And the things that were said, well, let s just say they re jaw-droppers.
It s particularly heart-warming in this, the season of giving.
Diddy is a lucky man. Not only has Diddy harnessed the power of half-heartedly mumbling over old Sting records to make more money than you can imagine, but his girlfriend has just given birth to twins, effectively increasing his fanbase by 400%.
Needless to say it s no surprise that Diddy is suddenly the father of twins, because ever since he discovered that the internet gave him the perfect way to blather on endlessly about how brilliant he is that s all he s ever talked about. Touchingly, Diddy has chosen to name his new twin girls after both his grandmother and the grandmother of his girlfriend, who he says had a giant impact on their lives. Trouble is, their grandmothers respectively appear to be a wild west outlaw cowboy and a giant rubberised Japanese lizard that s hell-bent on destruction.
Posted in on December 22nd, 2006 |
Maybe we should note that the above statement is all assumption on our part - assumption based on a very valid premise.
After all, who does the FBI keep files on? Villains, that s who. And who had their very own FBI villain-file?
John Lennon, uh, that s who again.
That s right - there s no other rational explanation about it. The FBI has kept a very secretive file on J.
Lennon for years, and up until just recently, all but ten pages of that file have gone public. Those last pages though, the FBI said would go unreleased because they could cause military retaliation against the United States.
Well now those last ten pages are out, and you wanna know what was on them?
Posted in on December 21st, 2006 |
That s the on-screen world of Lost, of course.
The off-screen world of Lost is a little different; yesterday the home of Evangeline Lilly - who plays Kate in Lost - was destroyed in a house fire, and not a single wisp of black smoke turned into a playful horse or a man s dead father, and it didn t even think of showing anybody an important flashback of their life. Luckily Evangeline Lilly wasn t at home when her house burnt down but, now that she s homeless, maybe she ll have to temporarily bunk up with another Lost cast-member. We know what you re thinking - we wouldn t want to share with the fat guy either.
Posted in , on December 21st, 2006 |
You see, Christina Ricci - star of The Addams Family and no other films that you re ever likely to go and see - was recently named by PETA as one of the worst-dressed human beings on the face of the entire planet after she appeared on the front cover of a magazine draped in some kind of animal fur.
But after literally both of her fans decided that they didn t want to the fans of a dirty fur-wearer, Christina Ricci has learnt the error of her ways and has promised never to wear animal fur again, as proved on the cover of the January issue of Vogue, where Christina Ricci can be seen dressed in the leathery skin of a homeless man, complete with a necklace made from lips and a natty nipple belt.
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