Herald Sun Richard Berry Blog

Don t you hate it when somebody you ve looked up to all your life turns around and makes a total spanner out of themselves. The respect goes immediately and you can t look the them in the eye any more even if it s just a poster of them of your bedroom wall. This happened to me today.

My hero WAS Evel Knievel. In the 80s he was the godamned man. He wore a cool red, white and blue jumpsuit and jumped cars and buses and leopards and all sorts of other amazing crap on a motorcycle.

He was like the Elvis of stuntmen and I wanted to be him ( I also wanted to be Kooni - the japanese kid across the road - when I was seven years old, but that s another story). I ve had a lot of injuries and I owe it all to Evel. I started jumping off the roof of our house at 9.

At 10 I was jumping off other people s houses. By 11 I d graduated to two-storey homes. Once my friend Andrew Froud and I dragged a trampoline over to break our fall.

Big mistake. I almost broke my jaw when my knee came back up to meet me. Nearly every major stack I had on my BMX I put down to that man.

We lived in a cul de sac down the base of a hill. Perfect. Set up a ramp down the bottom.

Start at the top. Andrew and I had got to the point where we could swap bikes while coming down the hill at instant-death speed just in time to hit the ramp. No helmet this was 1985 and I was the proud owner of second-hand Diamond Back with Mongoose add-ons.

It was the best BMX you could own in Los Angeles and therefore the world. And I had never left Australia. The deal is that pretty ordinary rapper Kanye West has made a video clip where he dresses up as Evel Knievel, but he calls himself Evel Kanyevel.

The clip is pretty funny and takes the mick out of 80s stuntman. The thing is the real Evel completely lost it when he found out. And he s suing Kanye for ripping off his likeness.

The vulgar, sexual and racially charged nature of the infringing music video is directly counter to Evel Knievel s long-established public persona, utterly inconsistent with his toy products and appeal to children and harms the reputation of Evel Knievel trademark and the Evel Knievel costume, the suit states. And racially charged . What does that mean?

Do I detect the some good ol southern hospitality coming out there? Hmm..

if Kanye was white would you be complaining? Well I ve lost respect for him now. He s behaving like he was something special, when the real reason why everybody like him so much because he was like somebody s dad doing stunts on a motorbike.

Back in the 1970s scientists came up with the crazy notion that the first meal of the day - breakfast - was probably the most important. It wasn t until the mid 1980s that this was actually proven. It changed everything, even fashion.

The cheeky Coco Pops monkey (his name is Coco, by the way) used to say: Just like a chocolate milkshake only crunchy. Not any more. If you have a look at a box of this nutritious cereal you ll see little monkey bastard is saying: More than just a great chocolate taste.

He s gone back on his word. Never trust a monkey. Ever.

Plus monkey boy is standing up against a measuring tape as though he s growing up...

. what? Shouldn t he be like 43 by now?

Personally cereal infuriates me. Breakfast in general is over-rated. If I am going to eat before 10am I much prefer to have an on a piece of bread.

Former One Nation party leader Pauline Hanson has announced she wants to make a return to politics. I feel I want to have another go at it, and I m putting my hat in the ring for the next federal election, she says. She s the godammned Terminator in a red wig there s no stopping her the only way is to make her chase you in a tanker carrying liquid nitrogen to a steel factory and then lower her into a vat of molten metal after a drawn-out fight sequence with way too much sentimentality.

I heard she can do the Terminator-morph thing, but only with somebody else who has red hair keep your eye on Julia Gillard.

By Richard Berry Thursday, December 07, 06 at 11:59 pm

Back in Melbs. What s happening?

Saw last week that Naomi Robson is quitting TT after 10 years of presenting a show that beats more things up than a Chapel St bouncer. Back in September Sticks Stones bet its last $74.32 in its bank account that Robson would be out by Christmas.

Now she wants an Oprah-style show. No, you can t have it Naomi. You ve gone a long way for a magazine journalist who made a crappy tape because your colleagues egged you on, sent it in to a TV station and got a gig.

You ll just have to get a job like the rest of us. Sticks Stones bets its last $184.32 that Naomi will be serving us at Myer by December 23.

Savings account please, Naomi thanks.

By Richard Berry Friday, November 24, 06 at 02:13 pm

I m up in Sydney at the moment visiting the family. I was going to go to the beach and catch up with a few mates, that s it.

See the grandmother, talk about how hot it is and have a cup of tea. Instead I ve come out in this filthy skanky rash that the doctor is afraid to go near and my parents home is about to burn to the ground. There are serious bushfires in NSW and the weather is just bloody egging them on.

The day I arrived the Blue Mountains were going up. The other fire is North West of Sydney in Wollemi National Park and this one is a total mother of a fire, in just the last couple of days it has burned 20,000 hectares. It s now 10km from my parents house and the remote rural community of Putty.

I m about to jump into the ute and get up there as fast as I can. The road is closed but I m going to try and get through as a resident. The worst thing is the Wollemi fire is believed to have been deliberately lit.

It s alleged that the alleged bastard who did this is within the community there. It is believed that this person is also the low-life making fake reports of further fire outbreaks so as to waste the time of emergency services. The people living up there are at their wit s end.

OK, I need to go now.

By Richard Berry Friday, November 17, 06 at 02:43 pm

Kim Beazley made a huge stuff-up today. He thought that all this talk about Rove s wife dying referred to the spouse of White House Strategist Karl Rove.

Beazley began a press conference today with: The first thing I want to say is this - today, our thoughts and the thoughts of many, many Australians will be with Karl Rove as he goes through the very sad process of burying his beloved wife. dc:description="Kim Beazley made a huge stuff up today. He thought that all this talk about Rove apos;s wife dying referred to the spouse of White House Strategist Karl Rove.

Beazley began a press conference today with: The first thing I want to say is this today, our thoughts and the thoughts of many, many Australians will be with Karl Rove as he goes through the very sad process of burying his beloved wife. Hmm, I guess Kim missed the funeral today, then? Despite the rumours that are taking the net by storm it has been reported that Tom hanks has not died by plummeting to his grave from a cliff or after suffering a heart attack.

The fake report says that the annoying, but highly successful, bit-part actor from Family Ties fell from a cliff while working on a new film in New Zealand. The Fake-A-Wish website seems to be the culprit for the false report. Great I wonder if he s going to do a Castaway 2?

Fingers crossed. Go to site for details about the cover shot of Tom. Yes it is a hoax but not the same hoax as this current hoax.

Lorisse - dart (I m a bloody genuis!) No you re not Um, actually they re right, you really aren t, Lorisse. I hate this crap.

Come on not only is it wasting my time but it s not even inventive. And the way the players skirt childishly around the naughty words ..

.. Grrr.

Don t even get me started on the wacky comments forget bloody Oscar Wilde this is where it s god damned at! How was your day dear? It was fine darling, I turned hell into bell by changing one letter only.

That s why they pay you the big bucks, dear. ..

. my god get out of my cyberspace. Director-General, we need to compile a list of the thickest people in the country who will follow like sheep after being given a one-word command.

How on earth are we supposed to do that Minister? Well, we ve developed this email and all you have to do is send it to ten friends and..

." Come on people lift your game, some of you even put your first name and surname (I ve removed them) on that list. What are you thinking, you re not signing a Mona Lisa-style masterpiece?

! You turned cake into rake! It s like a roll call for Vacuous High.

The only person I have respect for on that list is Karen who turned Kim s Lame into Game. I hope she was being sarcastic. Am I being too harsh?

By Richard Berry Wednesday, November 15, 06 at 03:03 pm

Right now at 3.04pm it is snowing In Melbourne at least on level 11 of the Herald Sun building. We re talking big, chunky flakes.

Wow it s god-damned November. Everybody has rushed over to the window near me to have a look. I m excited about it too, but I m a little bit worried that all the extra weight on this side of the building caused by the spectators is going to tip it over.

I suppose there s a group on the other side of this floor doing the same thing. That would balance it out I guess. Snow makes cold weather worth the hassle.

Yeah I don t reckon many Siberians would agree as they light a fire under their truck to get it started. Serves them right for living there.

By Richard Berry Friday, November 10, 06 at 04:19 pm

I m currently on the phone to Vicroads.

I ve been on hold now for nearly 20 minutes. It is truly the most depressing place to be on hold. The tinkling keyboard music, the narration about drink-drive deaths and how mobile phone usage while driving increases you chance of crashing by four .

.. Then a woman s voice comes on and says Yes, all lines are still busy as if you re some how putting her out.

What a bitch. dc:description="Victorian Liberal leader Ted Ballieu just managed to grab hold of this pole after somebody appeared with a special magnet that attracted posh people rather than metal. Seriously, this is why I hate politicians.

Imagine if every time our own jobs came up for appraisal we went around displaying amazing feats of upper body strength to prove we were the right choice. You can get down from there now you high trousered moron." Is there a big wedding on today in Melbourne?

Out on the streets the men are wearing Oakleys and suits that don t fit and all the women have on are a tiny hats and fake tan. Oh yeah, the Melbourne Cup. I always begin Melbourne Cup Day grumpy.

It s just a horse race, I start off thinking. I know it s un-Australian and even uner-Victorian. But my mood changes and it s not long before I m running to the TAB to put a bet on.

As the 3pm approaches I even get butterflies. Always have. Later on I m that expert idiot yakking away at people as though I know where a saddle goes on a horse.

If I m at work I m worse, I stand right next to the telly and give people filthy glares if they don t look 100 per cent interested while the race is on. If they talk before the end I m pretty likely to switch the TV off and say, Well, thanks for ruining it for everybody. I m complicated like that.

Melbourne Cup Day is huge in my family. I think Mum even goes to church before the race. It s up there with ANZAC day and Christmas.

But I reckon it could be better. Here s how: click to read more. Headland, The Alice, Last Man Standing, MDA, Fireflies, White Collar Blue, Yasmin s Getting Married and now The Glass House.

It s a bit strange don t you think? After five years, 500 shows and out-rating other programs in the same time slot ABC TV s The Glass House gets axed. There s a feeling out there that the show was given the chop because it gives the Howard government and George W a bit of a sledging.

The ABC denies this saying, that The Glass House had run its course. We re not axing the show but we re not going to commission it next year, the ABC s head of Arts and Entertainment Courtney Gibson says. I have not axed the program, he told an Adelaide radio show.

John then went on to say: I don t watch it - occasionally will flick it on but not very often. John what the hell do you mean? That s kind of like a bloke going: I don t read Playboy, but I ll occasionally flick through it, but not very often.

Wil Andersen going postal and pulling an Uzi out on national TV? Maybe that s enough to make John tune in for a bit longer. Works for me.